Recently, I (18F) broke up with my boyfriend and I began to start to question if I am interested in the same gender. I’m still quite unsure and am trying to figure things out.
My mom was very surprised since admittedly, my ex was what society would define as conventionally attractive and had an amazing boyfriend overall.
She thought my ex did something that hurt me so I assured her that it wasn’t his fault and that I did not feel the “spark”. While I thought she was being overly dramatic, I did understand her pov so I didn’t act up or anything but when she said “Maybe in the future I’ll find a better man.”, I disagreed and told her I most likely will never date again.
She was shocked by this statement and asked why and I decided maybe I should just tell her that I MIGHT be attracted to the same gender.
Now, my mom was raised in a kampong and isn’t very educated with the whole LGBTQ+ community and was upset that I would even entertain the idea of myself being a Les.
She called me “broken” and assured me that we could try to “fix” that but no matter how much I tried to reassure her that being like this is normal, she was still really worried and upset.
Eventually, this got to a breaking point where I was just frustrated with her and just said that if anything, me never wanting a partner could just be her fault since she and my dad are just suffering while being married to each other even though they don’t love each other anymore.
I could tell my mom was hurt by this since it was true that she and my dad have stopped loving each other a long time ago. My mom deeply regrets the decisions made when she was younger but still decided to stay married since she wanted to give her children a complete home. However, there was always a lack of affection between my parents and right now, they’re just tolerating each other (they don’t even sleep in the same bedroom)
Deep down there was some truth in my own statement since growing up, I’ve always been scared of ending up in a marriage like my parents, which was one of the reasons why I began to question if I was just fearful of relationships.