I’m a uni student and I’ve been seeing this guy that I was originally friends with. After about 2 months of being friends, he confessed his feelings for me.
At the time, I was already interested in him and was open to having something more. As a result, we decided to have a talk one day on campus to figure our intentions out.
He stated that he wanted something fully casual with no strings attached, whereas I wanted to pursue something deeper. So, as a result I became set on things being casual, which backfired on me because the guy ended up wanting something deeper afterwards.
Now, this is where the predicament comes into play because now I want to keep things casual and he wants to be in something deeper. But, I’ve been going really back and forth with my intentions now because I was set on keeping things casual after (sometimes hurting the guy).
I am able to give into the feelings but on days there are times that I pull back because of past trauma (addressed later) and the inability to feel emotions.
A little backstory about myself, I’ve only been in one relationship, which was very emotionally exhausting for me (It’s been 2 years since we broke up) and I’ve been struggling to be in a relationship since then, this was because of how I felt after my first relationship.
I didn’t want to be hurt again, and I’m still facing the trauma. This guy that I am talking to is such a kind person and is very loyal to me. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt him, but I feel like I am constantly hurting him because of my actions that are driven by my past heartbreak.
So, I always tell him about wanting to end things and just be friends because I would really like to have him in my life because I value the bond that we have.
I have felt really bad about hurting him over time and the extent of guilt I feel is very extreme. I also feel it has affected my mental health and irrational actions.
As a result, I told him that I wanted to end things to work on myself and to not hurt him. I just don’t want to be tied down to anything right now because I’m focusing on my career and he can be a little possessive at times which could make me anxious.
So, I asked if there was a possibility for us to be friends, but he didn’t want that so soon because he wasn’t ready to end things completely so I agreed to his proposal of being friends with benefits.
Have I made a mistake for treating him the way I do because I can’t give him the part of me that I want to.