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Monday, December 5, 2022
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BROTHER IN LAW MOVES IN WITH NEPHEW AND DESTROY LATE HUSBAND’S MEMOIRS

Am I wrong for giving my late husband’s brother and his kids 3 days to move out?

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My late husband “Adam” (M36) passed away a month ago. He had lung cancer and was terminal.

I live in the house that he owned (still haven’t done anything concerning inheritance) his brother lost his job and place and moved in with me a week ago. I gotta admit I wasn’t too pleased to have him move in with me but I had no choice after I got talked into it by family and since we had the chance to help each other grieve.

Here’s the situation, he started randomly walking into the bedroom and excusing it as “needing to borrow” something from Adam’s closet. He wears his clothes and even started using his stuff (razor, laptop etc) he also got his hands on his piano which to me felt disrespectful because..Adam wouldn’t want it touched or moved.

I try to have conversations with him about what’s allowed/what’s not but he’d throw the “Would Adam want you to treat me like that?” line at me. It made me feel frusrtrated. I seriously started contemplating telling him to leave.

Now the current conflict, I finally brought myself to open Adam’s closet and found a box full of wrapped gifts. I read the piece of paper at the bottom and he wrote that he had got me a gift for next year’s ocassions in advance since he knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. I was absolutely stunned. I looked at the gifts but didn’t open them. There was a gift for my birthday, valentine’s, our wedding anniversary, christmas and so on… he said he wanted this gesture to also serve as a comforting method so I wouldn’t feel so devastated since we know that grief gets tense during these times. I could not believe it. I mean, he was always this thoughtful but I never just knew that his thoughtfulness could reach this level.

I was out yesterday, and when I return I found that my nephews had opened all the gifts and ruined them. I was appalled, my joy instantly faded. I had a huge argument with BIL but he said the kids were curious and that it was my fault for not concealing my stuff like I should. I told him he had 3 days to move out, he started ranting about how it’s his brother’s house and how I was ruining family relationships over “few gifts”. MIL got involved and took his side saying he’s grieving and this is his brother’s house and that I’m acting unhinged.

Am I being too emotional? I wanted to feel his presence in his presents this upcoming year but I feel like it was ruined for me.

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