I (56m) divorced my ex (55f) when I found out that our daughter (24f) wasn’t mine.
This all started over 20 years ago. My ex and I had the perfect life. We were young, successful, in love, and had great friends and family around us. Things only got better when she announced her pregnancy. Because she was the first baby of her generation in my family, the baby was born into a pampered and privileged life.
A couple of years later, a medical incident happened which caused me to doubt the paternity. Other incidents happened that turned my doubt into an obsession. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and got a paternity test done. I was not the father. In disbelief, I got 2 more tests done by 2 different clinics but the results were the same. I immediately started divorce proceedings.
I was destroyed by the divorce.
I gave up parental rights because I was not the father. However, the statute of limitations to challenge paternity had already expired so I was legally responsible for the child that was not mine. In addition to losing our house to the ex, I had to pay almost $8500 in alimony and child support. When the girl turned 18, my child support payments did not end because she wanted to go to uni.
I was legally responsible for her tuition and continual child support. Luckily she dropped out and my attorneys were able to get the court to end my financial obligations.
To say that I was bitter and full of hatred would be an understatement. To some degree, I’m still bitter to this day.
Last week, my ex called and begged for my help. She ran into some hard times and could no longer afford rent. She already lost her car because she couldn’t keep up with the payments. She cried and said I was her last hope or she and her daughter was going to be homeless.
I laughed at her.
I didn’t ask where the house that I lost to her was. I didn’t ask about the $8500 monthly payments I made for over two decades. I didn’t care. I told her if she did become homeless, every night she spent sleeping on the streets was a night my wish came true then I hung up.
I was talking to my sister about it and she was appalled at my conduct. She said that I should have helped since I could afford it and I should have at least helped the daughter since she was an innocent party. I said that the girl was no longer an innocent party once she became an adult and made me pay for her tuition and child support knowing full well I’m not her father.
My sister and I are close and in some ways she’s my moral compass. I value her opinions so I’m now doubting myself. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong but I could be wrong.