I am so confused here.
I can’t decide if I’m setting a reasonable boundary or being a cold-hearted person.
To try to condense a complicated dynamic into a few sentences: my brother and I have never gotten along. We have very different values.
I am five years older than my brother. I work a blue collar job, as does my husband. We have one toddler. My brother is an “entrepreneur” who bounces from project to project.
When he was twenty-three, he married his wife. I was engaged at the time, but my now husband wasn’t invited. I barely knew this woman then, so I didn’t care. I was just there for appearances. Over the years, I have seen this woman only at family gatherings. She was never hostile to me, but we have nothing in common and never had any great interactions.
My parents told me about the divorce, and I didn’t have much of a reaction. She reached out to me and told me they have no money. This doesn’t surprise me. She told me my brother ruined her life and she needs help financially and with childcare.
I told her I was sorry, that I was willing to have my nephews and niece visit me, but I wasn’t going to give her money and didn’t want to continue to have a relationship with her (not that we ever really had one).
She told me that women support other women. My brother ruined her life, and I need to help her. She said a lot of stuff about gender and my family and a ton of other stuff but I, well, just don’t care? I have my own life and family.
Does that make me cold?