So I (26F) and my husband (30M) have been together for 4 years. Generally, most things have been great. We’re very much in love.
However, the last couple of months I’ve been getting aggravated and sleep-deprived because he has been taking up most of the bed.
At some point last year, he decided that he needed 10 extra pillows around his body for maximum comfort. This left me with about 50cm of space to sleep and I’m left dangling off the edge of our bed most nights. I tend to sleep near the edge of the bed anyway, so no biggie. But then he started encroaching more.
At first, he’d lie directly in the middle of the bed with pillows surrounding him. It was tolerable. But a couple of months ago, he decided along with the pillows, he NEEDS to have his leg and elbow across me. I’ve effectively become one of his pillows and he’s basically sleeping on top of me. I’ve recently started developing back pain and I’m pretty sure it’s from him over encumbering by spine with his body weight.
I’ve told him to stop putting his leg on me and to scoot over. I’ve mentioned several times that I’m starting to have back pain. But every night I have to fend off him wrapping himself over me and push him over.
He says he can’t help it, and I know he probably can’t because he is completely mentally incoherent when he’s mid sleep. But I’m sick of it. So I’ve started sleeping in the guest bedroom. He has told me it makes him sad when he wakes up and I’m not there, and he doesn’t want to go to sleep alone. I explained that he leaves me with so little room at this point, I have to choose between falling off the bed or having my spine crushed during the night. He said he can’t control it, and that he’s unconscious when he crushes me. I told him I don’t care if waking up to an empty bed makes him sad, and I don’t care that he can’t control what he does while sleeping. I can’t sleep in my own bed anymore without experiencing physical pain and that upsets me. He didn’t say a word and just walked into the room to sleep. After this conversation, I felt bad and tried sleeping with him again. It’s 3 am now and I’m writing this post because after shoving his leg off the middle of my back 4 times I have given up.
I feel terrible that I disregarded his emotions and I feel there may be a solution to this issue I may not be seeing. Did I handle this situation thw wrong way? Am I a big jerk?