Im 29 and I try to keep it short. We’ve been dating for nearly 7 years before we got engaged, then married on our 8-year anniversary before celebrating it on our 9th (covid reasons).
My husband has a friend group full of guys, all of which seemed pretty cool and easy to get along with. One of his close friends (who actually encouraged him to date me), however, began to treat me passive-aggressively from the very beginning.
He seemed extremely competitive and territorial of my then-boyfriend, now-husband, often spouting out random things like, “You’ll never know (husband’s name) as much as I do!” or telling me I’m never going to be as important to my husband as his friends are to him.
Eventually this wore on to group hangouts, where he would stiffen up when we greet each other, start silly debates and steamroll me in those conversations, or laugh at me condescendingly when I express my opinions about virtually anything.
I voiced my discomfort and resentment over time to my husband, who never got to see this transpire because his friend often did it quietly when it was just the two of us. My husband chalked it up to his friend being a difficult person in general and had dealt with it like his other friends did – stuck around for the sake of sunk costs and would ignore or dismiss problematic aspects of this friend. “He’s just always like that. Don’t take it personally.”
Fast forward to our wedding celebration, when it became quite clear and strange that his friend was emotionally upset by our union.
He went as far as to promise a gift to only my husband and made this clear when I asked him about it the night before the event. I blew up and confronted him about how shitty he has been towards me. Did this right in front of my husband, who didn’t know how to deal with hard conversations with his friends.
His friend went as far as to tell me that the celebration isn’t about me, and that I should be more considerate of people (like him) who made the trip out to attend.
During the celebration the next day, people commented on how much this friend complained about every aspect of the event. He never gave my husband the gift he promised. When the both of us let him know about how inappropriate he was the day after, he refused to apologize or acknowledge it.
From there, I asked my husband to think about their friendship and what he’ll do from that point on. He cut things off and they never spoke since then.
His friends gave him some trouble for it, thinking he’s taken things too far and that I was blowing things out of proportion. They didn’t know the history of his treatment towards me, so their motivation was to preserve the group dynamics and to have everyone get along. Some of them tried to argue for his case but couldn’t continue after more information came up about it. I feel like they’ll see me as the villain, with the classic “she tore best friends apart for her sake” trope.
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