While scrolling through Tinder I found that my friend’s wife had made a profile which said she was looking for new friends. The photos were from her Facebook so nothing too provocative. What concerned me was the lack of any mention of her being married or having kids.
I screenshotted her profile, swiped left, and spent the next hour stressing out about whether I should tell my friend or not. In the end, I described what happened to him but in a hypothetical scenario involving another couple where I asked my friend if I should tell the husband about finding the wife’s dating profile.
My friend said yeah, I should tell the guy so I handed him my phone and showed him the screenshots of his own wife’s Tinder account. Predictably he was upset that even if she was just looking for friends that she hadn’t told him about the profile. So he leaves to go home and talk to her and I message his wife (who is also my friend) to let her know that her husband is going to be in a bad mood.
She asks why and I tell her about the Tinder account. That made her very upset with me as she explains that her friend made the account so the two of them could find other moms in the bigger city an hour away to hang out with and do group kid activities like going to the water park. She then informed me that the Tinder account was only an hour old when I found it and she hadn’t had a chance to tell her husband about it and implied that I might have ruined their marriage because I had made her husband irrationally angry and now she had to deal with that which would also make her late for work.
I felt like a huge AH as I’d apparently just ruined my best friend’s 10 yr marriage. So I apologized profusely to his wife for not talking to her first. A while later I called my friend and he sounded more sad than angry by this point. Apparently his wife was angry at him as well as me, though he said he didn’t understand why she was upset at him. (He didn’t elaborate so I don’t know how that conversation went.)
Now I’m wondering if I did the right thing, should have spoken with the wife first, or minded my own damn business. If her profile had said she was married and was looking for other moms to hang out with I’d have totally ignored it but it said “looking for new friends in.” And its hard to be comfortable with my friend’s wife saying that her friend made the account when that friend has been caught using social media to cheat on her husband more than once.
Though my friend’s wife has never cheated on him to either of our knowledge we both kinda feel like crap considering how upset she is over the whole thing. Am I the one at fault here?