I have a heavily strained relationship with my biological father (56 M), we basically have no contact.
My parents have been divorced since I was 6 and have both had a couple of different partners since. Recently my mother (52 F) entered into a relationship with someone and -at first- insisted they were just friends. It was pretty clear it was more though.
They’ve known each other for about a year or two and decided to get married so I’ve had a lot of contact with him.
Before the wedding, it started with him spontaneously joining us for Christmas as his mother had recently passed and my mother didn’t feel comfortable leaving him alone. Then he started joining us for more things and we attended his mother’s funeral as he (without asking us) put our names on the flowers even though I’m uncomfortable around funerals/graveyards.
They then got married and he offered to be a father figure in my life as he is aware of my relationship with my biological father, talking about how we were a family and even calling me his daughter at one point.
I’ve put up with it but refused to invite him to my recent graduation ceremony as my mother requested (even though she knew cards were limited). I’ve tried to be polite and he is a kind man but I can’t stand how he pushes himself into my life and family without even talking to me or considering I might not accept him, as I feel I am old enough to not want/need a father figure (I’ve accepted that’s not something I’m going to have in my life as my biological father is indifferent towards me and a raging narcissist) as I’m turning graduating this month.
I told him that he’ll never be my father.
At the day of the graduation ceremony, I was already quite stressed but I snapped when I saw he was standing outside of the venue, knocking on the window and waving toward us.
He left after that apparently just wanting to wish me well but I didn’t care at that point. I didn’t invite him for a reason and I felt humiliated in front of all of my friends who at first thought he was some random guy.
I’m still processing everything and quite uncomfortable with the fact that everything is going so fast and he is suddenly being pushed into my life so I’ve decided to talk about my boundaries and tell him I will never see him as my father and I am happy for him and my mother but we are not family and I do not want him in my life. I’m really uncomfortable but also a little guilty as he has always been kind to us so….
How to settle him…