Am I making a mistake for wanting a different life?
I’ve been married 18 years. In the beginning, I was wildly in love with my husband and couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.
We had 4 kids in under 6 years. The pregnancies were difficult – bed rest, previa, pre-eclampsia, lost twin. During this time, my husband started multiple businesses – most out of the country. When I needed him, he was gone 3-4 days of every week, plus monthly trips overseas. The joke among my friends was that I was a single mom.
With the 4th pregnancy, we knew the 2nd baby wasn’t developing, but he was out of town when I actually gave birth to him in my early 2nd trimester – while still pregnant with the other baby. He didn’t understand why I was upset about losing the baby since we had already been told it would happen.
Over the years, he has spent all our money on business ventures. I’ve begged him not to, but he did anyway. He even borrowed money from the kids. I’ve tried to get him counselling help, but he denies it’s a problem and says things will turn around.
Three or four times in 18 years he has gotten rough with me. The first was while we were in a hotel and I couldn’t stop the baby from crying while he was on a call. I tried to leave the room and he pushed me down so hard, I sprained my neck. The last was a few months ago when he pushed me to the ground and I ran out of the house.
He went through a phase several years ago where he gave me pretty solid evidence he’s not straight, but now, when confronted about it, he says he wants only me. If my husband and I divorced, it would get really nasty. If I take the kids, I’m worried how he will react.
I feel like an awful person for even thinking this, but I don’t know what else to do. Moving with my son gives him his best chance and let’s me earn a doctorate at a top program, but I’d be living away from my other kids, unless I could talk them into going with me. Honestly, this soft separation seems like my best option but I feel like a horrible person for even considering it.