ALCOHOLIC BF REFUSE TO ADMIT THAT HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM

I ( F33) have been with my BF (36) for 9 months. We have known each other a bit longer (13 months). Without going into too much detail, he was coming out of a severe depressive episode when we met and alcohol was clearly a crutch/symptom of that so I always knew he was “fond of a drink” but I’ve noticed a few patterns in his drinking.

1. He can never just have “a drink”. He always has to get drunk.
2. His measures are INSANE. I’m talking a pint glass filled almost half with alcohol.
3. He often “goes to sleep” if he’s out drinking with others. He blames this on the speed he drinks rather than how much.
4. He can rarely be in a social setting without a drink. Example: we recently went to a friends house to watch movies. he ended up going through a bottle of their gin (he was the only one drinking. we didn’t bring alcohol with us) we ended up leaving early because he was getting rude with our friend, spilled a glass of gin and mixer on her new carpet and said it was the dogs fault for knocking it over because it was on the carpet – he was asked by both me and her to put it on the shelves next to him but for some reason he didn’t.

I tried to talk to him about how he embarrassed me in front of our friend and how he was disrespectful to her house but he just had an excuse or an answer for everything. I mentioned how I don’t like him sometimes when he drinks because he can sometimes be a knob

1. he can WFH some days if he chooses. I came home from work a few days ago to find he’d had “two beers” whilst being at work. I asked him if he thought that was a wise idea and he said “It’s not like I have a camera on me”

A few weeks ago he went out. He wound up getting into a situation that his (19) year old nephew “dared him to do” that ended up with him being rescued by fire, police and ambulance services and then calling out of work the next day.

Fast forward to last night. I had two drinks and he had about 3 rums then switched to beer. It was getting late so I went to bed and told him to not stay up too late. He said he’d be finishing the beer he had, then he’d be coming to bed too.

I woke up this morning and he’s asleep on the couch, surrounded by 5 cans – one being half empty behind his head on the sofa. I saw another 5/6 empty cans on the bench. When I asked him why he didn’t come to bed he said he “didn’t want to disturb the dogs and cause them to bark so he just stayed on the sofa”. I said he clearly passed out (as he has before) because all the lights, Xbox/tv were still on and there was a half drunk can behind him.

He again said he just fell asleep and at this point I sort of lost my temper. I said he clearly has issues with alcohol and he needs to accept that and maybe work toward getting some help. Drinking is a culture in his family as his dad likes a good drink and his brother is a recovering alcoholic.

He just turned around and left the house. I’ve been feeling guilty and now questioning if I over reacted