I’m honestly not even sure how to put this. I’m fairly certain I’m not the AH, but people are acting otherwise.
Background: I (39F) work in an office. I have worked for this particular company for going on 6 years. I have never been told the way I dress is a problem from either the owner or the vice president (the only people I am directly under).
I have dressed the same way since I started. Today I am wearing gray jeggings, a light blue tank with pink/grey skulls & butterflies on it, a pink blazer, and black heels (about 4”). I also have light blue hair. This is typical of how I dress at work.
The issue: Until recently I was the only woman who worked here. Typical of the industry. Recently though we hired 2 women to help out as the company is growing. One is in her early 20’s (we’ll call her Katie), the other in her mid 50’s (we’ll call her Angie). I am both of their boss, but it’s a very relaxed company and so I treat them more like colleagues than someone I am a superior too.
Today Katie commented on my heels. She said they are cute and asked where I got them. I told her. Angie then pipped in that they are a bit inappropriate for an office (they are black, open-toed, 4” heels). I asked her what she meant. To which she replied they are little slutty to be worn anywhere other than a club. She followed it up with “but you usually dress a little inappropriate for an office. I guess that’s the benefit of a relaxed company”
I told her I didn’t think there was anything at all slutty about the way I dress. And went to my desk to start work.
Later on, I overheard Angie telling Katie to take note, and not to dress like me if she ever wants to have a long-standing career and actually be valued. That the only reason I have worked here so long is that my boobs are always on display and the men enjoy staring.
I will admit I have large boobs, but I NEVER have cleavage, even if a lot of my tops are more form-fitting. I also worked very hard to be where I am in the industry I work in, and feel blessed to have found a company which allows me to dress like me (I do like showing off my body, I’m a little vain and spend a lot of time in the gym working on it).
I have never once questioned the way I dress at this company. But after overhearing what Angie said, I’m wondering if I should be dressing more conservatively.
I had a closed door meeting with my VP about Angie. I explained what has transpired today, and how shocked I am. I let him know most of my concern was for Katie, as Angie seems to be trying to manipulate her in some way (e.g. undermine me as a superior, instill self doubt in her about her appearance). He said if it was entirely up to him, he would fire her.
We have a zero tolerance harassment policy for a reason, and this absolutely constitutes harassment. For now Angie is on probation. She is to have zero contact with the guys in the shop (some of them are a little rough, but good guys. We don’t want her opinions rubbing off on them). Any further comments about coworkers’ appearance will result in termination. She’s irate, to say the least. I won’t be surprised if she quits.
I am also having lunch with Katie tomorrow (Angie’s regular day off). I’m going to try and feel out what all has been said to her. And let her know her appearance has no bearing on her merit in this industry. And that while she may need to be more conservative than myself at other companies, here we are more relaxed with the dress code and she should feel free to be herself.