My boyfriend(m25) constantly skips work and claims that I (f26)make enough money so I shouldn’t be so bothered by it.
He is making me feel like I’m crazy for wanting him to go to work and help out with the bills. We share a unit and his total monthly income doesn’t even cover half of the rent.
He had already previously went from full time to part time because he was starting a coding camp, but he ended up quitting after a couple months because he felt it wasn’t for him.
So now he is still working part time (3 days) and is late literally like 2 hours everyday he does go in. I don’t understand how he hasn’t been fired.
When I approach him about this he has a variety of defenses;
a.) I make enough on my own, so my problem isn’t about money, it’s just that I want to make him work.
I make about $4,000 a month. I am trying to save up to buy a home someday. This is enough to live somewhat comfortably, but it’s really not the crazy amount he makes it out to be.
b.) He will be more motivated someday, but I need to give him time to grow.
This one is hard to respond to without being harsh, because how do I know? People can change but not without effort, and I see zero effort on his part. All he does is sit at home and play video games ALL DAY.
c.) That I was just handed a good job and that I can’t expect other people to be as lucky as me.
This one just infuriates me. I was a receptionist at the office I work for for about 2 years and busted my ass for these people. I kissed ass and held my tongue a lot, and came in throughout the pandemic to make sure they had coffee and luncheons, I ran their errands and never said “no” to any request. I was given a promotion for my hard work.
d.) I was out of work for a few months during the lockdown so I have no room to talk.
This is true and I try to be understanding but, it was a lockdown and a huge amount of people were out of work. It wasn’t by choice. I feel like he is going to use that against me until the end of time.
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I see my co-workers and they all have hard working husbands, and they work together as a team to build their life and I’m so jealous. It’s so hard to leave because I really only hang out with him and his family outside of work. I feel like he is gaslighting me in a way, and I feel like I can never bring this up without him coming up with a million excuses. I don’t know what to do anymore.