My bf has a coworker who has caused us some problems. We have been dating for a few years, and when we started dating he was dating a few different women, one of which he works within a school.
Basically, the timeline as I understand it is we started dating, he met this girl in September, there was talking/flirting, they went out once and got drunk and slept together, he wasn’t super attracted to her and gave her the “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now” speech and figured they were cool. (Insert narrator voice, they were not cool) We became official in November
He thought they could still just be friends but I could see she wasn’t cool with that and things eventually erupted with her sending him walls of texts about leading her on, which happened to come up on his phone while I was sitting right there. So being a new relationship I of course think he’s cheating, and demand to see the messages. What I can say is he wasn’t cheating, she confirmed they only slept together once, and she was just really hurt. But the giant paragraphs were very victim-y and made me super uncomfortable. He blocked her number.
We had a long talk that he needed to really just stay away from this girl as much as he could, she’s not his friend and would be happy if we broke up. I did what most woman do and looked her up online and found…a lot. A bunch of posts about how it’s heart breaking to see the love of your life with someone else, how two people can be in love and the timing be off, and a lot of posts about being kept on the back burner/being a side chic. This upset me a lot too, I think mostly because I’ve been there. I’ve totally been the chic a dude was keeping in the back ground and it’s not cool.
Now I sorta sat on this info for a while until the pandemic happened and since everyone was working from home, I realized her number had been unblocked. I saw the name come up on my bf’s phone again and was not happy. He’s like “we’re fine, we just work together” and that’s when I showed him all her posts and said no way, he needs to be careful with this girl. And shocker a few weeks from that convo she sent him all these walls of texts confessing her love and how they are meant to be and accusing him of leading her on. I took these messages and read them to my therapist because now I’m like…am I being gaslit here?
What’s really going on?
My therapist said they sound very manipulative and like someone who may have narcissism or another personality disorder trying to victim blame into getting her way. He reblocked her number (and to be clear they are not in contact on any social media or any other platform other than email). After that blocking she sent him an email when someone in his department got Covid that was like “I know you said no personal conversations but I care about you and want to make sure your ok” so I know he’s had convos with her about things being strictly professional between them.
Now moving forward to recently. He had a big issue at work where he had to work with her on something and came home and talked about it. I’m sorry but I just don’t like this girl. She makes me uncomfortable. So I googled her name again just to see if anything came up and I looked at her linked in. I think was hoping I would see something indicating maybe she would be leaving or moving on.
But its never ending