My (27F) boyfriend (27M) has a girl friend in his circle. I have always tried to maintain my cool and try my best to not be jealous. But there have been instances where he did stuff for her that really got on my nerves and has caused big fights, and recently, even just the mention of the girl irritates me.
I told myself I would have a 3-strike rule with regards to the girl.
Strike 1: he didn’t tell me he would be drinking one night, suddenly found out he was sleeping over at the girl’s. I didn’t have a moment as his safety that night was more important, but it made me feel a certain way and it had upset me and it became a fight.
Strike 2: when the girl tested positive for COVID, he went out of his way to buy her stuff and actually brings things to leave at her door.
He has always had an excuse and justifications with his actions, and I’m honestly just tired of the fighting, so I just forgive and move on. But I never really got any apology, instead I was made to think that I’m the only one who has problems with it.
Yesterday, it was our anniversary, but there was nothing from him. He seemed like he forgot it, and although I felt a little stung by it, I just focused on the fact that we’re pretty busy with our own lives and I was at work the whole day.
We have a shared email for the not so important stuff, he registered that account for online shopping and I found that he bought something, and I asked him about it. I even told him that he should’ve maximized the shipping cost and all that, until he let is slip that it’s actually a gift for the girl because her birthday is coming up. I was obviously upset, I turned quiet, but didn’t say much, because I’m really tired of the arguments. I was going to let it go, thinking it was sweet of him to get her something, but it eventually got to me when he kept looking at his phone, periodically even forgetting we’re talking, randomly laughing about something on his phone and all that. I left him and said I’m gonna go to sleep but I really just wanted some time alone to myself to not fixate on his actions, but then he scoffed at me when he found me on my phone. He sarcastically even said, “you said you’re going to sleep, but you’re on your phone.”
He even proceeded to suddenly ask “Why do you like problems?” which caught me off guard because I’ve been dealing with my own stuff alone, while we dealt with his stuff together. He then proceeded to ask why I like starting fights and why I take everything he does as bad or wrong. I told him if he’s tired of me being on his suspicious a**, he can leave. He then spun it around as me having someone in the wings waiting. I burst and said it was insensitive and hurtful that he did this on our anniversary. He said I should grow up, laughed, and told me it’s just a birthday gift.
Now I’m left thinking maybe I really am the problem. Even though I just keep quiet all the time when I’m upset. He always aggravates the situation and lets it get bigger than what they are until it’s some big fight, and I just like to stay away from that kind of situation so I always keep to myself, but he says he has a problem with that, too. So I don’t really know how to proceed with this kind of situation or if I should even proceed with the relationship. Please help.