I (22F) think i am in a toxic relationship.
I (22F) have been dating my current boyfriend (22M) for about 4 months now. We’ve been friends for almost 8 months. Initially, I didn’t want anything serious because i had just gotten out of a relationship but eventually I decided to just follow my heart and be with him.
In the beginning, it was really fun, we’d just make out all the time and then we decided to hang out at one of his friend’s places around 1 week into the relationship. We made out and stuff and then he asked me for a BJ. I thought it was way too soon so i refused and i wasn’t in the mood either. He kept asking me again and again and again. After some time, i got a little mad at him and then he apologized.
After that everything was smooth for a while, we both fell in love. We’d have fights but we’d resolve it in day or two.
Things got a bit weird after the last time we stayed at a hotel. We stayed, we madeout, we did oral the first day.
I think he came thrice in my mouth. I cannot have S because it is too painful for me, I have an imperforate hymen so S has always been out of the picture and he knew this.
The next day, when we were planning to leave, he asked me for a BJ then got mad when I said I wasn’t in the mood. He got so mad he wouldn’t even talk to me. We sat down and talked about it, he said that we can only do oral here so I should blow him, we had a huge fight over this because I thought that demanding for head and saying this, as if the only reason we stayed at a hotel was because he wanted head. We resolved it within a day.
I was once talking to him excitedly about the things i had planned for an event, i was so excited, and he just said “can you stop talking about it and shut the hell up?” in a very rude tone. I have a very emotionally abusive dad and him saying that just made me remember all those years of my childhood I kept crying because I didn’t know why my parents didn’t love me. I told him this and his first response was “Well you wouldn’t shut up”.
This happened again a month later.
A month later, we were sitting in a park and we made out and he fingered me. I then started to give him a hand job. It was dark and secluded so nothing was visible. He then asked me to blow him. I refused because it is way too riskier than fingering.
He kept asking me again and again and again. I kept saying now. There was a point at which he held my wrist and was trying to drag me to give him head. I got mad and then he got mad and called me selfish and what not. He said that i only think about myself, etc etc.
I just kept quiet the entire time because I couldn’t believe the irony of it. He then got really mad and threw whatever was in his pockets which was a lip balm. TBH, I was scared for my life so I told him i was not in the right mindset to talk and asked him to let me go. He refused. I apologized to him, started crying then I just ran away.
The next day I told him everything, and his first response was “When i dropped the lip balm, you didn’t even pick it up for me” I was shocked, because if someone told me they were scared of me, I honestly wouldn’t be able to even look at myself and his lack of empathy just surprised me.
AM i in a toxic relationship?
I don’t know how to end this because we have the same group of friends, we live close, we study in the same class, I can’t just end it. I know we’ll keep going back to each other.