My boyfriend really wants to take my virginity but I’m not a virgin, what should I do?
I started dating my boyfriend last April and graduated from university last year. My boyfriend, who I met through mutual friends did not attend university. He is not a virgin (but he only slept with his ex girlfriend).
When we first met he told me it was important to him that he date “a good girl”. Lately he has been making comments to me about taking my virginity which have been increasing in frequency and intensity, how he will “teach me a lot of things” “show me how good he can be” and more graphic stuff that I’d rather not repeat.
At this point I think he gets off on the idea, however, I am not a virgin.
I participated in hookup culture while at university and slept fairly often with men I met at bars/nightclubs or on tinder for nearly four years. Basically if you’re good looking and interested in me, my legs will open for you.
I am almost a different person from who I was at university. I am much more soft-spoken and I dress more conservatively and no longer drink or smoke anymore. Which I believe has led to my boyfriend having this perception of me.
What do I do? Should I let him continue to think I’m a virgin or tell him the truth and potentially ruin our relationship?
I feel like I should note that while find his comments cringy they don’t really bother me. And aside from this thing he’s great.
Netizens’ comments
- Where does he get the idea that you’re a virgin from? And why have you not told him you’re not one the first time he brought it up?
- You’ve been for almost a year and this has never come up before?
- As you don’t find his comments bothering, then tell him the truth.
If it ends the relationship, then you were obviously wrong about him and he was/is the creep that he sounds like. - I expect the relationship to end the moment she says she’s not a virgin. He’s got a hangup about “her virginity” and when he finds out she’s had more partners than him? He’s going to call her all kinds of degrading names and break up.
- One of the key points that I think you are missing here is that IF you decide to sleep with him, the moment you are no longer a ‘virgin’ in his eyes, you have been devalued.
I don’t know how comfortable you are with the idea of him obsessing over you because of your virginity, but on the surface this really sounds like a relationship that is doomed to failure.