I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we have been living together since.
Have I lost my boyfriend?
My boyfriend is extremely loving to me and patient but we have the usual arguments like most couples. I have a son from my previous marriage and my bf loves him dearly and I am extremely happy to see him looking after us very well.
He just told me some very painful stuff about our sex life and I am quite broken right now..
At the start, we were making love daily and I very much enjoyed it. But six months in, I started feeling pressured when he would sulk when I didn’t want to. Thankfully, I conveyed it to him and he listened and was quite mature about it – he didn’t push and only asked me every month or so. What I didn’t really realise that whenever he tried to get into the mood with me, I would tell him I’m tired and he would stop pushing for it. I didn’t actively realise that he would try again for the next 2-3 days before I gave in.
Today he told me how he truly felt for the last 2 years+.
He knows I’m tired all the time so he picked up most of the chores and looking after my son so that I can rest. He told me that how I would spend the day either watching TV series/movies or playing games which caused me to be tired at night all the time. He said whenever he asked me if it was too much to ask for it once a month and that whenever I turned him down he felt he has to practically beg for it before I gave in.
I’m really sad because I know he loves us dearly and would do everything he can to make us happy and rested.
It has been almost a year since we last were physical because I was feeling tired all the time. I didn’t really notice he was trying and he felt..unwanted. It was his birthday recently and he brought us out to have a fun day. I was very happy until it was night time when he tried to touch me and I pushed him to say I’m tired. He went quiet and went to bed without saying anything. The next day he was very distant and didn’t talk to me the whole day(he would call me every day from office whenever he can). I felt something was not right and spoke to him that evening. He told me that he felt very unwanted and had actually already resigned to fate that I will not be physical with him but he was hoping that for just one day on his birthday I would prioritise him. I was taken aback as I made him a beautiful breakfast. He said he was hoping I would put in some effort to care about him(he asked me to take a nap the previous day so that I won’t be tired at night and he complained that I ended up watching Netflix instead).
The most hurtful thing was that he said..he has lost the desire to make love. He said that he doesn’t want to feel like crap being disappointed time after time even though he has done everything for me to be well rested and cared for.
When I brought up that I was tired, he said if I even made any effort to Google what was wrong and how I could rectify it. He ended the conversation saying that it changes nothing between us and he still loves me and my boy and will not stop caring for us. I can’t help but to feel the last few days have been a little awkward at times.
He is several years younger than me and I believe he is not doing anything funny.
He lets me have access to his web WhatsApp at home and I see all his convos, nothing funny comes up. He also has the find my iPhone app where I usually see how long it takes before he gets home(always home to office and back home immediately).
I tried touching him last night and he just kissed me good night.
I am really broken..how can I salvage my relationship?