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Friday, December 2, 2022


I refuse to loan my GF money unless she signs a contract and I keep an itemized list of what she owes me


My GF (24F) and I (25M) have been together for almost 5 years. I work for a firm and earn a nice salary. She works as a server and sells art she makes online and at some art fairs. She’s sick and tired of being a server and has been thinking of going back to school. I’ve suggested she look into coding bootcamps.

She found one that is very reputable and has a great track record, but it’s pretty spendy. She already has student loans and since her income to debt ratio is not good and she has a low credit score, she hasn’t been able to find a place that will give her another loan without extortionate interest rates. I suggested asking family for a loan, but she does not have a good relationship with her family.

After exhausting all her options, she came to me. When she asked me, I could tell she felt terrible about it. We ran some numbers and she would need about $15-20K for the coding class. It’s a 9-month program with about 30-40 hours a week. So she would have to cut back her hours considerably from the 40-45 she’s currently working. She plans to work 15-20 hours a week to still earn some income.

She has just over $5K in savings. She asked if I would be willing to help her pay for the rest of her program and for me to help cover more of the expenses because she won’t be earning as much. I told her the only way I would feel comfortable giving her that amount of money would be if she signed a contract and we kept an itemized list of all the extra expenses I am taking on so that we can work out a payment plan when she starts earning more money again. I am NOT adding interest onto anything.


She got mad at me because she feels like I am not trusting her. But I’m just trying to protect a sizeable investment. She is also mad that I will be keeping track of every additional cost I am taking on and expecting her to pay me back. She thinks I should just be willing to pay more and to think of it as an investment in our future together since her getting a better job will benefit us both. She’s OK with paying back the cost of her program, but not the additional costs I will be paying because she’s earning less.

I told her this is a much better deal than she would get from anyone else, but if she wants to keep looking for different options or take a loan with a super high interest rate, she’s free to do that as well. She feels like I’m trying to make a profit off of her trying to better herself. But honestly, I’m just thinking about breaking even.

We’ve talked about getting married, but we aren’t even engaged yet. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but life happens and who knows for sure. I’m just trying to protect myself, but she’s taking this idea as a personal attack on her trustworthiness.

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