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Saturday, December 10, 2022


My boyfriend is older than me. He is working full time while I am doing my own business. However, my income is about 3-4 times more than his. I didn’t think this would matter at first because he is a very nice man in general… He speaks politely to the elders, he is a responsible and loyal man and he is also very good with house chores (even better than I am).


But as time goes by, our arguments started revolving around money. When we go for meals together, he will always tell me restaurants are overpriced, we should stick to hawker centre food. I am okay and happy with it. But.. it was so rare for us to eat in restaurants. Sometimes, when business is good and I want to reward myself, I would suggest eating out at a fairly expensive restaurant (bill maybe adds up to about $60-$80). And it hurts me when I see him looking through the menu & not really happy to eat there because it is expensive. But once I offer to pay, he will order more than usual and even start complaining about the food while we are eating.. Like how it tastes just like hawker food so not worth it to pay more blabla…

Since the start of our relationship, he has been a very frugal person, while I usually don’t really look into the dollars and cents when I buy something (I do have an ok amount of savings for my age and I don’t live from paycheck to paycheck). But I was also surprised when he started documenting down all our expenses in a table form and he will even record down to the cents for all of our expenses.. Our typical practice is he pays for everything first then end of the month we split them down to 50-50.

I was also initially okay with this arrangement. And also thought that he is very nice to offer to pay 50% even though he earns significantly lesser. But what I couldn’t accept was that every single expense was 50-50. Sometimes when I look at something that I really wanted to buy (e.g. A piece of cake/ A cup of coffee), he will rarely offer to buy it for me as a treat and he will just stand there and watch me take out my wallet to pay.. Or when he does, he will start to pull that out during our quarrels to prove that he is generous.

I also will buy things for his parents during occasions like their birthdays, father’s/mother’s day, cny, etc. But he has never bought my parents any gifts besides some food he brings over sometimes when he visits.


Sometimes, when I am bothered by it, I do sit him down and speak to him about it. I also asked if it’s okay to not count everything down to dollars and cents e.g. he could try paying for one meal while i pay for the next. doesn’t matter who pays more, let’s not be so calculative to each other about it since we are a couple. but he hasn’t been receptive towards it and he thinks his way of doing things is fair. he will then start talking about how he has certain limitations like his job doesn’t pay him that much what can he do, i earn more so i should be able to pay for my own things. He also doesn’t dream of earning big. He is a very contented person and he is happy with his current income, he doesn’t see a need to earn more.

Just last week, he popped the question.. I do love him a lot but these thoughts will always be at the back of my head. What should i do..?

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