My (29F) boyfriend (31M) of 2 years won’t stop talking about his ex who left him in 2014. I reached out to her and she revealed a dark side to him and he still attempts to contact her.
Two years ago, I started dating my boyfriend. We hit it off as he was nice, sweet and we had an instant connection.
A few months into the relationship, we talked about our exes and previous relationships we’ve had. I was married to a man and it didn’t work out and the divorce was amicable. We were just too young and dumb to be married at the time. He spoke about his ex and told me she dumped him for some old rich guy and how she was a cheater, not loyal and left him to be with a stranger instead of him (they were together for a year).
Throughout the course of our relationship, he always mentions her!! Every topic we have somehow turns into a conversation about his ex and how she’s a bad person that would rather sleep around than be with him. He also kept mentioning that she didn’t stay with him when he needed her the most and that she is a vile woman that’s not to be trusted. Yesterday, I got fed up because it was two years of him constantly obsessing over his ex that left him 9 years ago! I then decided to do some good old social media creeping and potentially see what she’s like. After years of talking about her I got way too curious.
I checked out her Facebook and IG. I saw that she’s married, a mom of two with one being a newborn, she has a degree and she’s travelled a lot. Her husband is very handsome, has his own business and they live in a big house. I didn’t see what “vileness” he was talking about. So I added her and messaged her. I introduced myself and asked if she was willing to share some information on her ex, my current boyfriend.
To my surprise, she was nice but I was not expecting what she would say about my boyfriend.
She told me that the year and a half that she was with him was hell on earth. She told me how crazy and possessive he was, isolated her from friends and family, punched holes in her walls, bashed her head onto many things, smashed her phones, belittled her, strangled her, bruised her arms and legs, Cheat on her, Humiliated her publicly, harassed and threaten her family members. She sent me screenshots of his messages and pictures she took of her bruises.
She finally got the courage to leave him thanks to her friends who helped her devise an exit plan. She told me that she would save her money. A few days before, when he was at work, she left.
What’s worse is that in the years he left her, he has not stopped attempting to contact her. She sent me screenshots of him sending nice messages to her then a barrage of hateful messages once she doesn’t respond. He continued sending birthday messages, texting her mom who eventually had to change her number. He also continued to add her on social media and email her apologizing to her and pretending to wanting to be friends with her. This year, behind my back, he sent her birthday messages and how it was nice to see her (impossible because we don’t live in the same place as her). She responded that he needed to stop messaging her because she’s married, a mom and really doesn’t want him around. She sent me all those plus the multiple attempts of him trying to add her on social media.
I have not spoken to him about it yet. But he’s still talking about her a lot. I’m in shock with what I found out about him and even more shocked that he’s still obsessed with her after all these years. From what I saw, she’s a great woman.