A Singaporean guy recently posted on how his adoption caused him to joined a gang and to fall into a life of vice.
Here is the full story.
I am adopted. Should I search for my birth parent?
I did not know about my past till I am 12. All along, I just thought that I was born oversea while my parent (adoptive) was working there. And it was by accident that I found out I am adopted.
Thing does not go well after I known the truth. For first few years, I joined gang, get into fights, steal, argue with all my closest friend till I does not have any close friends. Deep down, I feel I was not worth of anyone time. I learnt that people leave, even birth parents. Therefore, trust does not come easy.
I did not talk about this for 11 years after I know the truth. Yes, the whole 11 years have been miserable. It was until I enter the university, some events trigger me, and I asked my parent the truth (they did not speak much except acknowledge the fact that I am adopted from orphanage, and I was given up by my birth parent).
I also shared with some of my close friends. However, it is common to receive answer like “you are lucky for the second chance”, “you are chosen one for your parent”. They meant well. But they forget the fact that adoptee is also chosen to be given up. I did not ask my parent much more as there is this “guilt/ungrateful” for asking so much.
Adoption may seem like a simple equation, child need family, family longs for a child. Adoption serves to fills the needs and longing. However, people do not understand that it only fills the gap in adoptive parent’s life but leaving a gap in the adoptee’s life. I understand not every adoptee feel this way, but that what I felt. Now, I am forming a family of my own with my wife. Yet there is always this constant feeling of incomplete. There is always this “Maybe this maybe that”. Now, I know searching for them will complete some of my questions. But what if there are truths that will cause me more harm than good?