I (28F) work as a Senior Marketing Manager earning around $7,200/month. My boyfriend (29M) earns about $6,500 in logistics. We recently got our BTO queue number and were discussing marriage plans.
Last weekend, his parents invited me over to their house for dinner. Mid-way through eating, his mother (63F) put down her chopsticks, looked at me with a serious face, and said:
“Sarah, after you and Jason get married and move in, you should submit your resignation letter.”
I choked on my soup. I thought she was joking about taking maternity leave early or something.
Me: “Aunty, resign? Why? We need two incomes to service the BTO loan what.”
Future MIL: “Jason’s salary is enough to cover simple life. My legs are not good, doctor say I might need knee surgery next year. Someone must cook 3 meals for the family, do housework, drive me to TCM, and take care of the house. Women’s place is inside the home. If you keep working, who is going to serve my son and me?”
I was dumbfounded. I turned to my boyfriend, expecting him to step in and defend me. GUESSS WHAT? HE JUST SAT THERE CHEWING HIS CHICKEN WING AND NODDED: “Yeah babe, my mum’s health is priority. You can do some freelance online stuff what, why make yourself so stressed in corporate?”
FREELANCE ONLINE STUFF?? I spent 4 years grinding for my university degree and worked 6 years to climb to Manager level! Why the hell should I sacrifice my career and financial independence to become a full-time maid for his family?!
Here is the ultimate irony: His elder sister (32F) works as a Vice President in DBS earning $15k+ a month. Does the mother ask the sister to quit job and do housework?
NOPE! The mother brags about the sister EVERY SINGLE SECOND: “My daughter is a high-flying career woman! Very smart! Cannot waste her talent at home!”
When I brought this up: “Aunty, what about Sister? She earns very well, can we pool money together to hire a professional full-time maid to care for your knees?”
FMIL instantly smashed the table: “How can you compare yourself to my daughter?! My daughter is blood relative, she needs to build her career! You are marrying into OUR family, it is your duty as daughter-in-law to serve! Hiring maid is expensive and outsiders not clean!”
So her daughter’s career is “talent”, but my career is just disposable trash?
I packed my bag, stood up, and left the house immediately. My boyfriend ran after me to the lift lobby, but instead of apologizing, he accused me of “disrespecting his elder” and having “too much ego because of my salary”.
I haven’t replied his texts for 2 days. He keeps sending messages saying: “If you really love me, you will make this small sacrifice for my family.”
Small sacrifice = giving up my lifetime earning capability, CPF savings, and becoming financially dependent on him and his toxic mother?
Is this a red flag the size of Singapore Island? Should I just cancel the BTO application and forfeit the option fee before it’s too late?