So, I (21f) have been dating a guy (21m) for about a month and a half now. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet. Last night, we got the farthest we’ve ever gone.

I’m a virgin and he knows this. We were doing a lot of kissing and grinding. It got to the point where I placed my hand on his instrument, but it was soft.

He said he didn’t know why it wasn’t harder that he was embarrassed. I told him not to be embarrassed, I know these things can be normal and it’s OK.

OK, moving forward, he actually pulls it out. I start touching it, but it instantly gets softer. Of course I don’t know what I’m doing but.

I’m not trying to think anything negatively, but I feel like maybe it’s me ? I don’t know if that’s selfish to say, but he was saying no it’s not me, and that he doesn’t understand why this is happening. And that he’s so attracted to me.

But, I feel a little weird? Like it knocked down my confidence? Is this selfish to think? Either way, he couldn’t get it up and he was very embarrassed. He said he’s going to change his diet and stop handling himself with x rated stuff.

I just don’t know what to think? Could it be that he’s not attracted to me physically but likes me? Or nervous? I know it can be a mental thing. Or maybe even lifestyle.

Netizens’ comments

1. This is normal. These things can be like tinkerbell- sometimes they disappear if you stop believing in them. I bet he was just nervous and I doubt he needs to change any of his habits. I bet if you keep seeing this guy the problem will magically disappear before you know it. Being a good partner in your situation means being encouraging and not taking it personally.
2. This is not uncommon for guys the first time you get intimate with them. He is probably just nervous, and nervosity can kill any hardness straight away.
3. Guy was probably just nervous. Happens to the best of us.

Quick question here; do guys only like skinny/fit girls? or do guys get attracted to chubby/fat girls as well?

Im on dating apps but too afraid to show my photos that can see my real weight but at the same time i won’t be able to meet the guy i match with when he doesn’t know that i’m fat. i’m ashamed of my weight and i’m working on it now but i’m also hoping to date someone whilst i’m losing off my weight.

My looks is kinda average but wouldn’t call it ugly. just need to lose away my weight.

Netizens’ comments

• Maybe you can let him know that you are on the mission to lose weight before the conversation continues further. If the gut just goes for 100% looks, then I’d rather you spend your time working out than meeting him.

• Some attracted to skinny, some to a little meaty, some like fat and some whose liking evolved from skinny to chubby..bottom line, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

• Guys like curvy skinny or curvy meaty. Then skinny. Guys dont like fat and out of shape.

• I like big butts and I cannot lie. No, really. Them skinny girls with chicken legs I cannot.

• Be confident! Beauty comes in different sizes and shapes. I used to be 68kg when I met my husband. I am 50+ now. We lose weight together but gained back together too.Beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder. A beautiful personality is more attractive. Good luck, dress up and smile

My fiancé (32M) got violent with me (28F) for the first time. We are supposed to be getting married this month

I desperately need advice, I’ve been sitting on the floor crying for an hour because I have no idea what to do.

My fiancé who I have been with for 8 years got violent with me for the first time today. We were arguing when he suddenly grabbed me by the throat and pinned me against the wall. It all happened really fast.

He immediately apologised, asked if I was okay and then told me he needed to go for a drive to calm down. He isn’t back yet.

We’re supposed to be getting married on the 17th of this month.

I know the most obvious thing would be to cancel the wedding and leave him but ONE incident over the course of 8 years – is that really worth losing all the money spent on this wedding?

Is it worth losing the man that I love? I feel like I can’t think clearly. How am I supposed to deal with this situation?

Netizen’s comments

Cancel the wedding at the very least if you are not ready to leave him. But I suggest to get some distance at least or just leave him. The fact that it happened for the first time after a long time is not a guarantee that he won’t so it again.

Then therapy or whatever for the both of you. You might need help to get through what he did and he certainly needs it.

You were born.

You study.

You serve ns and are put under a 10 years reservist and ippt cycle that can stretch into your 40s while you have to juggle family and work commitments at the same time.

After ns you come out to work and fall in love, married and start up a family. Nov the nightmare and maths truly begin.

A wedding costs a lot so most Singaporeans married in their late 20s, mid-30s or even later.

Now we come to the house. Upon successfully balloting for the house one need to wait at least 3 years for It or you can buy from open market or private developers where price will be even much higher.

Once you get your keys your entire cpf oa will be depleted totally and the rest of the mortgage balance will be paid by your monthly cpf every month for a maximum of up to over a decade or 25 years max.

During this time every month of your cpf will not be able to save and accumulate cpf interests because you need to use it to settle house loan.

So 25 years finally finish and your house is fully paid up but by then you will be 55 or into your 60s already.

You want to rest and retire but you can’t because your cpf oa account Is empty and cpf minimum sum of 161k is set in place to prevent you from cashing out your CPF in full to use to finance your retirement.

So in your 50s or 60s you still need to work until you die or at least for another 10 to 20 years in order to build up your cpf oa account.

By the time you can really rest you will be in your 70s or 80s already.

Most will have met their maker by that age already. Lot How to look forward to retirement bliss?

Also their health could be failing or no one is willing to employ the elderly Singaporeans and what are they going to survive on?

In the end, their cpf medisave accounts got wiped out and they either rent their flats out to sustain themselves or sell back their flats and lease to downgrade in order to survive in their dying years.

This is basically the life story of a common Singaporean.

And don’t forget in the middle of all these one still need to raise up kids and take care of sickly ageing parents and in laws too.

Last month during kopi break, one of my old uncles drop bombshell. He say he just refinance his HDB loan and save $40,000 in interest. I nearly choke on my kaya toast. You mean just change loan, then save so much money meh?

Turns out, yes — and he say if more people know, they also can do. But problem is, most Singaporeans just lazy to read or scared of paperwork.

From HDB Loan to Bank Loan — How Uncle Did It

Uncle buy his 4-room flat in 2010 and took the standard HDB loan. You know lah, 2.6% interest fixed by CPF. Stable, steady, no need headache. But hor, he recently go compare bank rates and realise OCBC giving home loan at 1.89%.

So what he do? He go apply for bank refinancing. Means he switch his outstanding HDB loan to the bank. Still got 20 years left, so he thought, why not? The banker calculate for him and show that just by switching, he can save about $40,000 over the rest of the loan tenure. Wah, that’s like one family trip to Japan every year for 10 years!

He pay off some fees — legal and valuation costs about $2,000 like that — but even after that, he still save a lot. Plus, OCBC even give him cashback promotion of $2,000. So the switch practically free leh.

Why People Don’t Do? Scared or Blur Only

Most people stick to HDB loan because it’s “safe”. But they never realise that if your loan amount still big and got many years to go, even a 0.5% lower interest can make a huge difference. Just because your friend or relative say “aiyah, bank loan risky lah”, doesn’t mean it’s true for you.

Some say bank loan got floating rate, scared rate go up. But you can choose fixed rate packages too. Uncle say he took 2-year fixed first, then after that monitor again. If really go up too much, he might refinance again — that’s how the smart ones save money.

Do Homework, Can Save Big Money

Now Uncle go around tell everyone, “You all every day play Candy Crush, scroll TikTok. Why not go check your home loan details a bit? One afternoon research can save you tens of thousands leh!”

So hor, don’t just sit there thinking HDB is always best. Go compare. Go check. Go refinance if the numbers make sense. Even if save $20K, $30K — still better than nothing right?

Don’t say I never share. Uncle already shiok shiok enjoy his interest savings — your turn next if you got the guts and not lazy.

Nowadays in Singapore, everything use CPF. You want buy house? CPF. You want pay monthly instalment? CPF. You want retire? Also can CPF. But hor, today my colleague say something that really make me think. He ask, “Bro, if we use so much CPF for HDB, next time retire how? Got enough or not? Later old already, eat grass ah?”

Young Time Only Think About House, Not Old Age

Last time, I also blur like sotong. First house I buy, I happily use all my CPF OA to pay for downpayment. Monthly loan also whack from CPF — I never even feel the pain because not cash what. Every month just deduct from account quietly. Song, right?

But now, as I hit mid-30s, I go see my CPF statement. Wah piang eh — not much left sia. Like $40K only. My wife even worse. She left $12K in OA. And we still got 20 years of housing loan to go. One fine day, we realise: this kind of method really jialat when we hit 55 or 65.

My uncle, already 60, say he regret using so much CPF when he was younger. Now he wait for CPF LIFE payout like waiting for TOTO — not much money every month, cannot retire properly. Must still work part-time at FairPrice pushing trolleys. Sibei sad.

CPF Is Retirement Fund, Not Free ATM

A lot of us treat CPF like bonus cash. Got OA means can use. But we forget CPF is actually for retirement. Government never design it to be housing piggybank only. You empty your CPF OA and SA, then next time no payout, who suffer? You lor. Can’t depend on children also, everyone ownself struggle.

Then got people say, “Never mind lah, later can downgrade HDB, take cash.” Sounds shiok, but who say got people want to buy your old flat next time? And you think downgrade really got so much profit meh? Maybe got levy, got loan left, got renovation costs — everything add up, no guarantee you got enough to retire comfortably.

Plan Smart, Use CPF Wisely Before Regret

Now what I do is pay part of my HDB loan using cash, so CPF OA can slowly grow again. Not easy lah, but must tahan. Every year got 2.5% interest, don’t waste. Also, I top up my Special Account to build more for retirement. Small amounts only, but over time it adds up.

So my advice? Don’t whack CPF like free money. Use wisely. House can always upgrade slowly, but your retirement cannot restart. You want to enjoy kopi and kaya toast at 65, not stress about money and eat maggi mee every day, right?

Don’t wait until too late then realise CPF all gone. Think ahead, ah — later old liao eat grass, really not funny.

Everything Free for Him, Everything Gone for Us

Wah you all sure won’t believe how my friend last time pull off one epic stunt. This fella hor, got some kind of tongue power — sweet talk until even tiger become kitten. One day he tell us he got sponsor from beer company, say they supply all the drinks, fridge, table, everything lah. He just need to find place and open bar only. Guess what? He really open the bar – zero dollar come out from his pocket leh. All sponsor. Free.

Then he start ‘business’ with our money

After open liao, he act like big boss. Say wanna expand, need capital. Come ask us – his own friends leh – to buy “shares” in the company. Say the bar doing damn well, worth very high. But actually hor, everything bluff. He inflate the value like crazy. We trust him, some of us even go take loan to buy in.

A few months pass… suddenly the bar close down. Just like that. Kena landlord chase, no money pay. He just shrug and say, “Aiya, business no guarantee one.” But he ownself lose nothing – everything is sponsor or our money. We, the so-called shareholders? Left with empty hands and broken hearts.

Employee salary also no pay.

He marry rich girl then go and cheat

And you know this 4-eye, specs-wearing nerd marry his girlfriend because of what? The girl rich lah. Family got money one. That time he no job, no car, no nothing — but manage to win her over with his goody-two-shoes act. Like angel like that.

Then with the money he cheated he brought her to Switzerland to propose

But real joke is — while he operating the bar, he go and hook up with the bar girl from upstairs. Still dare to flirt and fool around when he got rich wife at home. Karma almost instant — one of his potential “investors” that he trying to scam saw everything. Caught red-handed. Imagine you wanna cheat the guy’s money, then let him see you cheating your own wife. Solid clown show.

Still got thick skin go scam rich friend

The worse part hor, he go and suck up to one rich friend of ours. Everytime act loyal – buy him beer, accompany him go drink, even drive him home while still drunk himself. All just to get in the good books lah. Say wanna do project together. Lucky the rich friend never fall into trap. He almost let this bugger use his name to borrow money from others.

The brother also cannot make it

You think only him like that? His brother lagi worse. That one go and steal from the bar during opening days. Got caught and kena jailed. Come out still never learn. Every now and then come and say “bro I need money for urgent thing,” but actually is go Genting gamble. Like whole family allergic to honest living.

Moral of the story: not all business friend can trust

Now when I see this kind of people hor, I really scared liao. Got mouth can talk, but no heart one. Everything legal-legal scam, play until the line cannot catch them. But their victims? All friends and people who trust them the most.

So ah, next time anyone come and say “bro let’s do business together” – must open eyes big big. Or else you’ll end up sponsoring someone else’s failure while they walk away smiling.

Hearsay now he selling insurance better stay away from this guy.