My boyfriend initiated to break up because I have no fashion sense (I only wear dresses most of the time and to him my dresses look disastrous. The particular piece he criticized was one of my favourite and was from a blogshop; so how ugly looking can it be?) I would love to refresh my wardrobe and diversify my dressing style but I just can’t pass through the thought of spending few hundred on clothes. (I can’t bear to spend his money on clothes too knowing he’s not well to do)

Next, he pointed out that I did not put in effort to lose weight. I’m not obese but I did gain weight. The disgusted look on his face when describing my flabby underarms has been running through my mind. It seems clear to me that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore and appearance matters soso much to him.

I’m still holding on to this relationship because I find it pity to give up without trying to change. For now, I will do what I can – at least if it ends, I know I really tried. Silly to thought his love can overlook my lacking on those issues or maybe there’s no true feeling from the start. It feels so one-sided and I’m heartbroken.

Here is what netizen thinks:

• Why do you still want him? Where is your dignity and self respect babe?  Someone has insulted you so much and you still want to hold on and try to change for him?? If he say you not as pretty as some influencer next, are u going to get plastic surgery to please him? Pls lah,” his love” ? There is no love left here but a lot of loathing. You should just give him a slap and leave with your head high.

• One can either find 1000 reasons to be together, or 1000 excuses to break up. You are the former and he is the latter.Even after your weight issue or supposedly fashion sense are resolved, he will still find other things to grumble about, because the heart is more or less set.Let me tell you if his heart is not set on break up, what will he do instead. Buy you a new dress to surprise you, go on fasting or exercising regime with you, compliment you on making effort. List goes on.

I will be 30 this year, and I’m still scared of my mother. I’ve not admitted this to anyone, and no one knows this. It has been my secret since young.

Since I can remember, my mother has been this intimidating figure in my life. As a child, I thought this was normal. When I was in primary school she would cane me frequently, sometimes I deserve it (like most kids I make mistakes sometimes), but sometimes it is really not my fault. I remember vividly the times she hit me when I accidentally knocked over a vase, or when I was hungry and ate some food from the kitchen she didn’t approve of. She would quarrel with my father (divorced) and vent her anger out on me. I also got beatings simply because she said I reminded her of my dad and that it’s my fault she got divorced. Often I would go to school with cane marks on my arms and legs and be ridiculed by my classmates. I would always be scared to go home, not knowing what mood my mother would be in.

In secondary school, the Cannings continued. She would also not give me pocket money regularly and I would have to ask for it. Sometimes she was in a good mood and she’ll give it to me, but a lot of times she would scold me for being a financial burden or hit me and chase me out of the house. I would go to school and watch my friends eat because I didn’t have money to buy food for myself. I made excuses like I’m not hungry. I had to return home immediately after school because if I was late to come home she would hit me or lock the doors and I would have to wait in the HDB corridor for her to return so I can go in. I couldn’t join my friends to go out after school and anyways I didn’t have the money to go. I made up loads of excuses and slowly no one asked me if I was going anymore. Weekends she would forbid me to go out and lock me at home while she went to play mahjong. If she lost, I would be in for another beating. If she won, which was rare she would be in such a good mood she would cook me dinner or even dabao something back for me to eat. In my teens she also escalated to throwing heavy objects at me, hitting me over the head with hard objects and even sometimes throwing boiling water at me. I got better at evading and covering up bruises and marks on my body.

In my teens in addition to the frequent beatings, her mood swings were also scary, and she had a lot of paranoid thoughts. She would often accuse me of ridiculous things like I’m plotting with the neighbours to ruin her life. She would also accuse others of having intentions of harming her. She can get from normal to really angry in seconds, and it’s hard to predict her mood as the simplest things can set her off.

I finally graduated (my father gave me some money for school) and she got older. I got a job and would stay out later to avoid going home. Till now her mood is still unstable, and she still chucks things at me and hits me with bamboo Poles and stuff. But her strength and agility is lessened now due to age so I’m able to evade. I also have income now so I can buy my own food and spend on some things that I need. She has also retired and asks me for an allowance every month which I give.

People might ask me why I don’t move out. It’s expensive to rent, and I don’t earn much. Despite her shortcomings, I do still love my mother and worry she’s not going to be able to cope alone. I do alot of things around the house. She did still bring me up. I also can’t stay with my dad as he has a new family and other children now, and he doesn’t want me to interfere with his family. He says he’s done his part by paying for my education and to not mess up his new family.

Sometimes I feel tired living with someone who’s so unpredictable. The fear is still there even though things are better now as she’s not physically hitting me as much. Now I don’t know what’s in it for me in the future. I’m living one day at a time. It’s bad but sometimes I think I’ll only be free after she passes. I feel guilty thinking this way. For now I just wait I guess.

Thanks for reading my rant. Needed to get some of this off my chest.

–

Hi all, just a little unsure about this situation and would hope some of you could offer some advice on this.

Two months ago, I was matched with this guy on CMB and we texted quite okay but the convo died after 1 week. Two weeks after that, I took the courage to message him to ask if he’s still interested to meet me and he said he was.

So, at the 5th week after being matched on CMB, we finally went out and to my surprise, the date went really really well – we could banter and joke quite a lot and I felt like I was hanging out with someone I’ve known for a long time. I could also sense that he was quite comfortable with and interested in me as he would sit pretty close to me. Apart from his nice and kind character, I also liked how he was quite caring and courteous during the date. For example, when crossing the road, he’d put his arm behind my back (not fully touching) as though he’s “protecting” me should anything bad happen or when we walk along a narrow path, he’ll ensure that I’m not behind him.

Back to the situation: what’s bugging me is that, when we text, his replies can be quite short and are at times delayed (12 to 15 hours later that kind). It’s the semester break now, and he’s not working, so idk why he’d be so slow in replies. When I look at my igstories, I could see that he has viewed them but he takes a long time to reply my messages. More recently, he seems to have stopped texting me for 3 days now (my messages are still unread). I even went back to our chat to see if I said anything sensitive, but there isn’t any.

I’m wondering if someone is indeed interested in me, wouldn’t they be excited to reply my messages? Even if they forgot to, wouldn’t they realise all of a sudden and check if they did reply? Though we’ve not set out for a second date, I’m really unsure if I should continue investing into this seemingly potential guy, or just say my thanks and move on?

Please help advise!

Here is what netizens think

The guy already have girlfriend one la, u dreaming

• If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.I wish I knew this when I was younger. Would have saved me a lot of heartache. No point thinking so much & analyzing his actions. Men are very simple creatures.If he likes you, it will be obvious. Just move on.

• Protecting you when crossing the road could just be a gentleman’s gesture. You think too much already lah.

• Even when a guy doesn’t like you, the nice ones will put up a front and show you a good time when you are out. And yes when a guy is interested and pursuing you, he’s at his best behaviour and you wouldn’t be in doubt if he likes you or not. Pls just move on, stop contacting and investing feelings in this guy cos he’s clearly not into you.

I’ve been with my wife for more than half our lives (“school sweet hearts”), and although I know this is a cliche phrase thrown around here, we have a pretty great relationship. When we have arguments, we can communicate through them effectively, when we have issues with our relationship, one can voice it and the other will do their best to make adjustments accordingly.

I’ve always felt like I “married up” in terms of attractiveness, and if I do have a type, my wife is definitely it. I say this to help illustrate that I touch my wife a lot. Whether it’s hugging, playful butt slaps, kissing, shoulder rubs, etc I am definitely a “touchy” person — I would imagine my wife, were she being honest, would say a bit too much. In addition to the touching, I definitely tell her about how I find her attractive (that shirt looks good, you look good in hats, your butt looks great in those pants, etc)

But it’s not really reciprocated, despite repeated sustained attempts at communicating this. The touching might get better for a day or two, though the compliments thing never really materializes. When I do mention it, I know it’s just not something that’s on her mind a lot or some days (2 kids, 3 and 6) the kids have her touched-out. I don’t think the latter fully explains it, though I know it’s a common issue with couples with children — this was still a “thing” before we had kids.

I know communication still helps a bit here — but it’s disheartening because asking for it (“it” being more touching/showing affection/compliments) and then having a brief spike followed by decline sort of reinforces this view that my wife just doesn’t find me that attractive. It’s something I enjoy doing, and definitely don’t need a reminder, and so the very act of reminding just feels.. degrading, if that makes sense?

I know this post comes across as selfish , but it’s already long so I won’t spend too much time defending that.. but I am just hoping for any advice/strategies/different ways of looking at the situation that any of y’all might have. Thanks in advance!

Pressured to have kids by my mom.

I’m turning 25 this year and I’m still trying to find financial stability. My mom told me that if I wait any longer it would be too late for me to bear a child. Every year I avoid Chinese New Year’s reunion because of this issue.. so stressful!! Freezing eggs and bearing the child at a later age can also cause complications for me as well.

Here are what netizens think:

• My wife have my first child at the age of 21 and now she’s in the 40s. My son now finished his NS and a daughter now in poly. So we are a happy family

• Don’t rush into marriage if you are not prepared too. But one thing is for sure if you don’t try to open up your heart or don’t try to have a relationship. You will never get married at all. Life is a gamble. You never try to place a bet you never know the result. If you keep afraid of failures you are never going to get what you want. Put out your right leg and move ahead you are 25 and there are going to be more years to come. Be brave and take whatever is coming and move on.

• Just remain single. Nothing wrong with it. Can lead a carefree life. Want to go anywhere also can. Nowadays modern women are like that. When grew older, find a pet dog or pet cat to be your lifelong companionship. Nowadays, South Korea people are like that also. No need to freeze eggs. Reunion dinner is only few hours in a year. Don’t attend it can save a lot of ‘face’ issues.

• Everyone love their mom but certain things like this , nvr ever let them get involve .. so dont need to be stress .. listen to their advice but dont let them control you unless you still taking pocket money from them…

• I had my 1st at 39. Not a choice but the fact that it gets harder as we age. Some are lucky. What i wanna say is, if u do plan to have kids later, plan properly. Yes 25 is still young but dun wait too long

My boyfriend told me “that’s life” when I informed him that my grandma’s dying and I won’t get to say goodbye

I live away from my family overseas, and I recently found out that my grandma is in the hospital. Today I was updated and found out that she developed pneumonia and was put into an induced coma. Her condition is critical, and it seems unlikely that she’ll make it.

I haven’t seen her in months, because I, and don’t have enough money to visit frequently, so I won’t be able to see her.

What hurts the most is that I wanted to call her, but I didn’t get the chance to before the coma, so if she dies, I don’t know how I could forgive myself for not saying goodbye and telling her how much I love her.

As I’m telling my boyfriend this, he was coming down from having a great day. Rather than comfort me, he tells me “that’s life”. He’s never lost a loved one, so he can’t relate. I’ve lost my dad, aunts, cousin… So I understand full well “that’s life.”

I become obviously more upset at this, and he just walks away.

I’m so frustrated and sad, and I feel so alone in this.

Netizens’ comments

1. Call her and have someone hold the phone up to her ear. Tell her you love her and whatever else you need to say. People in comas do hear things. I know because I’ve been in a coma. I heard things I wasn’t supposed to hear.
2. Sounds like he’s emotionally closed and doesn’t know what to say. I’d sit down with him and have a chat about it. Maybe he’s been in a similar situation?
3. Just because you haven’t lost anyone you love is no reason to act cold and be a d@#k
4. I know this sounds like a cop out but this is unfortunately a very common type of response from men. And I think most people don’t even realize how engrained it is into young mens and boys brains that having emotions is not good and is a sign of a weak man. It’s entirely possible he’s just been essentially brain washed into reacting to situations to be a “stoic man” because he thinks it would show weakness. I think maybe if you had a talk with him it could help show him it’s okay to show some kind of vulnerability maybe.
5. I’m so sorry about your grandmother. I know there’s been research on coma patients and they know some can hear or sense things even in a coma. Would it be possible for a family member to hold a phone to her ear and let you tell her how much you love her and miss her and how much she means to you?

Finally got a job after 2 years of inactivity. Got fired as soon as they legally could.

Hi, I finally got a job that suits me the best as an IT technician in a small shop.

It reminded me a lot of when I started working in IT. The people were nice and they gave me a real good feeling.

They’ve been looking for someone for 3 years and saw nearly 10 people coming in and being fired because some didn’t really know the trade and others not fitting in the team.

My job was to sell IT stuff in the shop but also mainly take computers in for repair, re-install, troubleshoot and so on. You know, the kind of work that small IT businesses have.

The team really liked me since apparently I was the only guy after 3 years coming in and knowing the stuff. Management liked me too.

During the interview they told me that it was really usual to take 2 to 3 months to learn all the quirks of their business. That’s true to nearly every onboarding process.

After 10 days I wanted to talk to my boss and tell them that I have ADHD and that I’m under therapy.

The boss told me that it was great that I was taking care of myself but I should have disclosed my “sickness” as he said, before signing the deal. He would take this request to the board and come back to me later.

At the end of the week he invited me into his office. The first thing he told me was “Hey, this is not because of your condition.”

That sounded already like it was because of my condition…

He went on and explained that I didn’t know every procedure of the business and that he couldn’t keep me any longer.

I got fired with a notice period of 24 days but he also gave me a letter stating that I should not come back for the 24 days. Which meant that I got paid for 24 days without having to show my face at work. Nice, but still bad.

I felt like the biggest failure because my condition was clearly the reason why they wouldn’t keep me. Since then I’ve been working somewhere else for the last 10 months. I’m happy and management values me, even when they know that I have ADHD, which means that I have to take more breaks to be as productive as they need me.

I had the chance to open a complaint about this but I didn’t since the idea that I “had to tell him before signing the contract” got stuck in my head.

My self esteem was really up since I found a nice job with nice people and then I get fired because I have ADHD.

Of course today I know that my condition doesn’t define me. I’m a working member of society and I’m valued.

How would you have reacted?