Pressured to have kids by my mom.

I’m turning 25 this year and I’m still trying to find financial stability. My mom told me that if I wait any longer it would be too late for me to bear a child. Every year I avoid Chinese New Year’s reunion because of this issue.. so stressful!! Freezing eggs and bearing the child at a later age can also cause complications for me as well.

Here are what netizens think:

• My wife have my first child at the age of 21 and now she’s in the 40s. My son now finished his NS and a daughter now in poly. So we are a happy family

• Don’t rush into marriage if you are not prepared too. But one thing is for sure if you don’t try to open up your heart or don’t try to have a relationship. You will never get married at all. Life is a gamble. You never try to place a bet you never know the result. If you keep afraid of failures you are never going to get what you want. Put out your right leg and move ahead you are 25 and there are going to be more years to come. Be brave and take whatever is coming and move on.

• Just remain single. Nothing wrong with it. Can lead a carefree life. Want to go anywhere also can. Nowadays modern women are like that. When grew older, find a pet dog or pet cat to be your lifelong companionship. Nowadays, South Korea people are like that also. No need to freeze eggs. Reunion dinner is only few hours in a year. Don’t attend it can save a lot of ‘face’ issues.

• Everyone love their mom but certain things like this , nvr ever let them get involve .. so dont need to be stress .. listen to their advice but dont let them control you unless you still taking pocket money from them…

• I had my 1st at 39. Not a choice but the fact that it gets harder as we age. Some are lucky. What i wanna say is, if u do plan to have kids later, plan properly. Yes 25 is still young but dun wait too long

My boyfriend told me “that’s life” when I informed him that my grandma’s dying and I won’t get to say goodbye

I live away from my family overseas, and I recently found out that my grandma is in the hospital. Today I was updated and found out that she developed pneumonia and was put into an induced coma. Her condition is critical, and it seems unlikely that she’ll make it.

I haven’t seen her in months, because I, and don’t have enough money to visit frequently, so I won’t be able to see her.

What hurts the most is that I wanted to call her, but I didn’t get the chance to before the coma, so if she dies, I don’t know how I could forgive myself for not saying goodbye and telling her how much I love her.

As I’m telling my boyfriend this, he was coming down from having a great day. Rather than comfort me, he tells me “that’s life”. He’s never lost a loved one, so he can’t relate. I’ve lost my dad, aunts, cousin… So I understand full well “that’s life.”

I become obviously more upset at this, and he just walks away.

I’m so frustrated and sad, and I feel so alone in this.

Netizens’ comments

1. Call her and have someone hold the phone up to her ear. Tell her you love her and whatever else you need to say. People in comas do hear things. I know because I’ve been in a coma. I heard things I wasn’t supposed to hear.
2. Sounds like he’s emotionally closed and doesn’t know what to say. I’d sit down with him and have a chat about it. Maybe he’s been in a similar situation?
3. Just because you haven’t lost anyone you love is no reason to act cold and be a d@#k
4. I know this sounds like a cop out but this is unfortunately a very common type of response from men. And I think most people don’t even realize how engrained it is into young mens and boys brains that having emotions is not good and is a sign of a weak man. It’s entirely possible he’s just been essentially brain washed into reacting to situations to be a “stoic man” because he thinks it would show weakness. I think maybe if you had a talk with him it could help show him it’s okay to show some kind of vulnerability maybe.
5. I’m so sorry about your grandmother. I know there’s been research on coma patients and they know some can hear or sense things even in a coma. Would it be possible for a family member to hold a phone to her ear and let you tell her how much you love her and miss her and how much she means to you?

Finally got a job after 2 years of inactivity. Got fired as soon as they legally could.

Hi, I finally got a job that suits me the best as an IT technician in a small shop.

It reminded me a lot of when I started working in IT. The people were nice and they gave me a real good feeling.

They’ve been looking for someone for 3 years and saw nearly 10 people coming in and being fired because some didn’t really know the trade and others not fitting in the team.

My job was to sell IT stuff in the shop but also mainly take computers in for repair, re-install, troubleshoot and so on. You know, the kind of work that small IT businesses have.

The team really liked me since apparently I was the only guy after 3 years coming in and knowing the stuff. Management liked me too.

During the interview they told me that it was really usual to take 2 to 3 months to learn all the quirks of their business. That’s true to nearly every onboarding process.

After 10 days I wanted to talk to my boss and tell them that I have ADHD and that I’m under therapy.

The boss told me that it was great that I was taking care of myself but I should have disclosed my “sickness” as he said, before signing the deal. He would take this request to the board and come back to me later.

At the end of the week he invited me into his office. The first thing he told me was “Hey, this is not because of your condition.”

That sounded already like it was because of my condition…

He went on and explained that I didn’t know every procedure of the business and that he couldn’t keep me any longer.

I got fired with a notice period of 24 days but he also gave me a letter stating that I should not come back for the 24 days. Which meant that I got paid for 24 days without having to show my face at work. Nice, but still bad.

I felt like the biggest failure because my condition was clearly the reason why they wouldn’t keep me. Since then I’ve been working somewhere else for the last 10 months. I’m happy and management values me, even when they know that I have ADHD, which means that I have to take more breaks to be as productive as they need me.

I had the chance to open a complaint about this but I didn’t since the idea that I “had to tell him before signing the contract” got stuck in my head.

My self esteem was really up since I found a nice job with nice people and then I get fired because I have ADHD.

Of course today I know that my condition doesn’t define me. I’m a working member of society and I’m valued.

How would you have reacted?

I want to be used financially by a woman

I’m in my thirties and did not grow up wealthy. While we weren’t poor, we certainly weren’t rich. I’m practically did nothing but work in my 20s and missed out on a lot.

I’m semi-retired and have been smart with my money. I am a trader, which is extremely stressful, and frankly I only do it for the rush.

I also went from having two relationships in my 20s to compensating for my lack of experiences most people in their 20s have by dating and sleeping with a decent amount of women.

I have a very creative fantasy and have fulfilled every k-k I could think of, except one.

While I’m not dominant or submissive, lately I’ve developed a fantasy of being used for money and humiliated. For example, giving a woman cash or my credit card and have her drag me around while shopping and making it obvious to salespeople that I’m just a rich f-boy she’s using.

Taking a woman out to dinner while she orders food and drinks and I just sit there and watch her while she rambles. Ordering a cab for us only for her to tell the driver to stop the car, scold me/humiliate me, and tell me to get out the car.

I can’t do this where I live in and would truly do anything to go somewhere else to fulfill this fantasy.

EDIT: Got a few messages and chat requests. If you’re truly interested send me a message.

Netizens’ comments

1. First of all, I just wanna say, RIP to your DMs.
2. Shout out my girlies in this man’s DMs, get that bread
3. PICK ME CHOOSE ME
4. It’s times like these when it really hits me that some people live a fundamentally different life than I
5. I volunteer as tribute. May the odds be ever in my favor!

How are you? People who got layoff

Omg… My boss has to layoff a few people in the company and I was layoff. Now I am at home panicking non-stop. How did our parents in the 90s handle this feeling of anxiety?

I know I can find a job again and I already made plans to revamp my career at 36 years old. My sector is in science and is very hard to progress or have the ability to obtain a higher salary.

I keep thinking to myself. I still have a 30 years work life. But my heart is being twist like no tomorrow with anxiety…

Netizens’ comments

1. I got laid off this year too. Took it as a break to go do things I liked. I mean since ALs are usually only 14 days a year. I took 2 months to go gym and travel.
   At first I was a bit lost cos suddenly I have no reason to wake up early. But then u discover u have time to try some weekday lunch promotions and suddenly life doesn’t seem so bad.
   Want to also add that: like you said, you can get another job and there’s like 30 years of working left. That’s a long way to keep working. Take this time to enjoy life a little then restart again at another company (if your finances allow ofc)
   I think talking to friends and exercising did help with the anxiety
2. Back then the company offered me a small package which worked out to ~4 months. I spent a portion of it and went on a trip. Figured there’s no point worrying about what I couldn’t change.
   When I got back, spent another bunch of time/money on upgrading my skills. Found a job after ~10 months. Could have been a lot faster if I started looking right after the layoff, but I wanted to take a break.
   Looking back, the layoff was actually a blessing in disguise. The company was a zombie, the industry it was in was dying and the people in it didn’t have the skills to pivot. I was actually one of the higher performers but constantly got gaslighted into accepting a lower pay than my peers.
   The layoff forced me to look outside, and I realised I was reaaaallly behind in my skill set. Took ~6 months to upgrade myself before seriously starting to look for the next job.
   In a much better position now, career wise.
3. Had my first and only layoff quite a while back, like 8 years ago. Back then an older seasoned colleague told me it’s best to get used to this feeling because it’s probably not going to be a one time thing. Just have to push on and be wiser. Never be loyal to a company.

Do you have that colleague that says they want to quit every other day but stays on for years even after almost everyone in the same dept left? Why?

I was pondering on previous experiences and noticed that there will be this colleague that goes around saying they want to quit every other day but is usually the one that stays on years after some, if not all of us have left.

I don’t get it. Lol. I personally don’t feel it is embarrassing to want to stay in a company that everyone leaves after a year or two. Every job/company has its own trade offs, pros & con, likes or dislikes. I mean, you do you. What is not for most people can be great for you.

From my observation, they are usually the types that are FOMO or wants to fit in. They complain a lot but always conform in the end. Haha. Is this a negative trait or are they up to something? But I don’t get how this help them professionally or is this their coping mechanism at work?

Wonder if anyone have similar experiences or have a perspective on this.

Netizens’ comments

1. Been working for ~30 years and have known many people like this. It’s a way of blowing off steam, they don’t really want to quit.
   You know when such people are really about to quit because they stop complaining and saying things like this.
2. I was once in this loop of wanting to quit but actually not quitting. Reason was I was comfortable with work-life balance that I feared I would lose if I jump ship. And also that I was lazy to start preparing for interviews.
   I know of another person who keeps whining how his job and company is horrible. I have heard his rants every time we’ve met. One day it was too much negativity to handle and I asked him why the hell does he not quit then. His reason was that he knew he would not get hired easily.
   So it is a dead end for many I guess. They know where they are is bad but either they know they are not fit somewhere else or they are in comfort zone.
3. This was literally me everyday when I was still a regular in the Navy. People who felt the same way as me also always complained a lot because of how ridiculous and unfair some things were. We also had no choice to conform because the system just works that way and because of toxic superiors.
   One other thing to consider is if the person that wants to quit can find a job elsewhere. People will usually want to compromise on their own happiness doing the job rather than leaving without a plan or when they know they cannot earn better opportunities or at least the same paygrade elsewhere.

Mom abandoned family and we abandoned her back

When I (23m) was 18 I found out my mom was messaging with someone online. One day she decided to fly over there and meet him. She was supposed to stay for a week.

At first I thought that was awesome I got the whole house to myself for a week. But the one week turned into two weeks then three weeks then eventually a month. Everyone kept asking when she would be back but she never gave a definitive answer.

After about two months I get a call from her saying she was staying over there and that I was now in charge of the house which meant I had to pay all the bills.

I refused but she insisted I pay them since she was no longer living here. I told her well she needs to come back and do something with the house because it’s under her name and not my responsibility.

After that she hung up on me and wouldn’t answer my calls or text. Just in case she tried something I packed up and went to my dad’s house.

Well when bill time came she sent me all the links to payment sites but I ignored them. When she saw I didn’t pay them she called me screaming saying I’m irresponsible and I’ll get in trouble for not paying them.

I told her that wasn’t my responsibility especially since I’m living with dad now. She said she hopes I end up homeless then hung up.

She also tried to get other family members to pay the bills, she didn’t want to sell the house because she wanted somewhere to stay when she visits.

She gave up and came back to sell the house. In the time she was here we barely had any contact. And when she eventually moved back to her new boyfriend we contacted even less.

I only knew how her life was going because of social media. The family was devastated that she just abandoned us, it took some time but we were able to move on

It’s been five years since then and I recently got a message from my mom asking if her and her family can come stay with me.

I’m not the first one she asked though. She went to a couple others first but was rejected each time. Apparently she has no support system over there and needs help.

She’s a stay at home mom and her husband got fired. They are having trouble making ends meet and want to stay with someone until they get back on their feet.

I rejected her as well saying I have no room and also want nothing to d with her. That didn’t go over well and now she’s blasting the family on social media saying we are abandoning her in her time of need.

It’s ridiculous that she doesn’t see the irony in her own words. She’s text us nonstop saying how we have a duty as family to help. We even get texts from her new husband calling us horrible family members.

We have all blocked them since then. Two weeks have passed and things have been silent on her end.

Met a great girl (36F) but she will not date me until my (41M) divorce is finalized….

I am going through a divorce, paperwork is not signed as we are waiting for some issues to be cleared up first. Divorce is not messy and we are not using lawyers or anything like that.

Simple sign with notary and over. I asked for the divorce and moved out in March of this year.

I met a girl on Thursday at a meet and great event, we hit it off immediately. Went out Friday night and had a great time.

Had plans for Saturday but she cancelled because she can’t get past that I am not divorced and she wouldn’t want this to happen to her. I can’t sign paperwork to divorce officially due to issues. She said to reach out when I was officially divorced.

I really liked her and wanted to pursue her further… should I let her go and move on.

Should I ask her to be friends, we have a lot of common interests and I would enjoy doing these activities with her even if we weren’t romantically involved. Would this be too weird?

41M and 36F. She has no kids, never married. I have one 10 year old.

Netizens’ comments

1. You should… do exactly what she told you to do?
   Honestly why is this complicated?
   Reach out to her when the paper’s signed.
2. You are surprised that someone doesn’t want to date a married man? Do you have any idea how often women hear “we are getting divorce… just waiting on paperwork” paperwork that never comes. Even if you are totally on the up and up, you are tied to your WIFE for an indeterminate amount of time.
3. So she is a decent human being who doesn’t date married men. I don’t blame her. So many men claim to be getting divorced soon but are still married months or even years later. She probably doesn’t want the drama or stigma of dating a married man.

88 year old employee harasses me.

I work in a law firm and our oldest employee is 88 (will be 89 this year). She was hired 9 years ago for a six month scanning project that turned into a full time gig.

We all treat her with great respect and gentleness but it’s wearing thin. When she walks by my desk she always has a snide comment. Things like, “I see you’re just sitting there again.” or “I walked by your desk and you weren’t there. Were you hiding?”

I’m always working so it grates after a while. I was showing a intern how to create a spreadsheet and she walked by and said, “Are we entertaining?” I’ve taken it in stride but I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

If it were any other employee I’d set them straight (in a professional way, of course). But I don’t want to upset her (even though she’s always grouchy) because of her advanced age.

Today she walked up to my desk and asked if I could take the big box of candy down from a closet shelf so she could refill her candy dish.

This is normal and I’m happy to help her. But today, I was almost finished with a task that an attorney was waiting for. I told her that I could get it for her in a sec and that I had to get what I was doing done asap.

She said okay and then began drumming her fingers on my desk. After about 30 seconds of the drumming I said that she could get the intern to get the candy for her if she didn’t want to wait.

She said she’d wait and continued drumming. I finished what I was doing and got the box down for her. As she was picking out her candy she said she needed tape.

I reminded her where the extra office supplies are kept but said I’d get her some tape since I was near it. As I was walking back out of the supply room, the previously mentioned intern walked by and in a scolding tone she told the girl that I had been looking for her.

The intern looked at me with wide eyes and said she’d been working in the filing department. I told her that was absolutely not what I said and that I was never looking for her.

I would NEVER allow that treatment of me and most especially an intern were it not for this coworker’s advanced age.

There is no point in complaining to management because they all think she hung the moon. When a manager is near she is the sweetest, most soft spoken, gentle lady you’d ever want to meet.

What can I say to her to get her to back off?