Help! How to deal with such colleague?

I’m currently working with a Malaysian colleague and we joined the company around the same time. She’s of the same age as me although my job rank is higher which is most probably due to having more years of working experience.

She likes to do things her way, which are not appropriate as it doesn’t follow certain professional standards. I always try to give guidance on the proper way to do things but she likes to “doubt”/“fight back” my ways even though I always provide the reasons factually. I would also ask her to explain her pov so I can understand her hesitance.

Even when it’s clearly wrong (with evidence and reasoning provided), she would still try to undermine me. Of course I’m not trying to be a dictator and I know I’m not 100% right all the time. So I always try to understand from her pov. However it’s just getting frustrating because based on her past working experience I would expect her to know all these basic principles of our profession?

Our team is very small and both of us report directly to our HOD. But sometimes only both of us are on the project and as the lead of the project I feel responsible to guide her and ensure our work is done professionally.

But now I’m feeling like if she’s not keen to learn, should I even be wasting my time to guide her?

Any advise on how to deal with such a colleague? What’s the deal with her?

Netizens’ comments

1. Just handle your interactions with her professionally. If she is still reluctant to follow or listen to instructions just escalate to your HOD and let him / her deal with it.
   Also can get your HOD to officially announce you as the lead of the project (and thus fully responsible for the deliverables) so she will need to follow your instructions.
   • (OP) Yeah all my interactions with her are professional, though I’m trying really hard not to lose my cool. Thankfully, it’s mostly virtual.
     And actually it’s already officially announced but she still behaves like that. It’s like she thinks I’m not capable or knowledgeable enough to lead her? Not sure if it’s because we are of the same age.
     Trying to see if there’s any better way to deal with this since my team is small and I don’t want to make things sour or awkward between us. 🙁 you can say I’m a people pleaser sadly lol

About to turn 30… I don’t think I’m ever gonna make more than 30k a year. I feel defeated

So yea, that’s the gyst of it. Coming to the close of my twenties and my best year barely topped 30,000. My credit is bad, my car (my only asset) is slowly failing, my meager savings was wiped out when said car broke down last week.

I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point. I’m looking for any kind of advice. At all. Looking to the future, it seems pretty bleak.

My background is school dropout. Not in school anymore, but I do owe them money (lol). Now I’m a bartender working full time just to get by.

My income averages $2k a month currently, and my bills roughly 1300 a month before petrol and and food. I live in a rented unit but that’s about all I have to show.

I’ve been here nearly a year and I still don’t have much furniture, I can’t afford them. Last week my mechanic told me it’s only a matter of time before my car completely goes to heaven. So now I roll the dice every time I drive.

I feel like right now I’m stable financially, but I don’t see any opportunities to grow my income. I worry about my health, especially as I get older.

The people in my field who are my senior all have horrible stress injuries from being on their feet all the time. My back, legs, and ankles are already killing me.

It feels like I’m one looming disaster away from total ruin and it’s too late now to start from scratch in a different field.

I used to love the Humanities, Music, Photography, Video, Digital Media, Graphics, IT – you name it. Now I would literally take any job in any field at all regardless of my interest or experience.

i ran away middle of interview

i got approached two days ago by HR of this elearning platform company and im a self taught developer looking for a job.

the job position was IT and mind you i haven’t really taught myself in IT and cloud base and what not.

i had an interview on teams with 9 other people who have been in the field for a really long time with credited diplomas and degrees and i felt so out of place

10 minutes left during my interview i pretended the internet cut off and acted like I got kicked out of the meeting.

im so upset with myself i broke down because i’ve been wanting a job in tech for so long i feel like a failure.

the interviewers were all so nice and calm with me except for one that kept pushing me and asking question after question and treating me like im stupid

like literally every answer id give she’d make a sneaky comment and then proceed to the next, the rest of the people there were telling me its okay and i’ll get training and i’ll learn but she kept going and going with hard questions

i ended up freaking out and running away and had a mental breakdown.

i felt bad for the rest of the people who were interviewing me and immediately wrote down an email saying i got disconnected.

i didnt want to disrespect anyone at all i just felt overwhelmed and way too anxious. (which makes sense because my internet connection was cutting me off during the interview)

TLDR; i had an online interview and the interviewer asked too many questions and made shady comments so i freaked out and left

Netizens’ comments

1. Don’t worry there will be another chance for you. Just make sure to develop and improve yourself. Maybe reflect on the questions that they asked?
2. I’m so sorry. Honestly that’s kind of overwhelming to have 9 people interviewing you! Every interview gives you experience so just take what you can from this and apply it to the next one. Good luck!
3. Interviews work both ways. It’s not just them seeing if they like you. It’s also you seeing if you like them.
4. As someone who would interview candidates, I’m really sorry they did this to you. I could never in a million years find it within myself to be condescending or rude to someone who would potentially work with me. And if it’s any consolation, I used to get all types of technical issues as we used zoom, and if anything it kind of freed up my time (was usually always behind as interviews can be unpredictable in time length), was always happy with rebooking and it never negatively impacted said candidates application and moving to the next steps.

I’m a man and I still have to cuddle my stuffed animal to sleep at night. If I’m at home in my bed and I’m about to go to sleep, I will quickly search my bed to find him.

If I’m in hospital overnight unwell, I have to bring him. If I’m going on holiday or to stay with someone else, I have to bring him. I will not sleep without him.

If I can’t find him before bed because he’s somehow gotten covered by something or fallen off of my bed then I panic and cannot sleep until I find him.

Only my partner knows though I’m sure my family probably know too since I still live at home. Neither of them care or judge me but I often wonder how many other adults both young adults like me or older still need a stuffed animal to sleep. I bet the number is probably higher than you’d imagine.

Some people may think that I’m pathetic, immature and weak for that, believe me I’ve felt that about myself too but at the end of the day, who cares, right? If a stuffed animal brings someone comfort at whatever age, why can’t they keep that comfort item?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m 29 and I nap with a teddy bear still. I don’t when sleeping with my partner, but when it’s naps, always. It’s comforting to have a plushie. If I’m alone overnight I definitely have him, even with my dogs on the bed.
2. Honey, I’m 60 and am currently sleeping with a stuffed bulldog and a teddy bear because two of my pets died within 15 days. Today is the one week anniversary of losing my beloved Sam.
3. i’m in my 30s an do this with a stuffed animal i got for my birthday this year. you are never to old for comfort
4. Yo. I’m 22, single, living alone. And I sleep with a stuffed animal for comfort too. I used to feel that way, shameful, pathetic, everything because I thought I was too old. But I cannot express enough how much sleeping with a stuffed animal has improved my mental health, sleeping, and the loneliness I’m dealing with right now. I don’t think I can sleep without one now lol. It’s such a good thing!

Was informed by HR today that my 20k sign on bonus was actually 10k

I emailed HR last week after working here for 6 mo to confirm it was a lump sum payout after 2 years (i had already known this through coworkers, but wanted to confirm) and was informed by HR that they don’t actually have a signed contract and sent me one to sign for 10k.

After responding back stating my original offer and contract, they said the 20k offer was a miscommunication and don’t have record of the original contract.

When I accepted the position originally I signed the 20k contract and sent it back to HR. Then I had to push my start date back 3 months which they had no problem with.

3 months later they made me reapply for the position under a different HR system, which I found suspicious.

When I reapplied I made it a point to clarify this was the same position I had already signed a contract for with the same sign on bonus of 20k.

HR lady said yes and that it was just a technicality because of new system and even updated the new posting to say “20,000 sign on bonus eligible”.

6 months later here I am getting lied to when I could have gotten better position when I was searching, but chose this because of the sign on bonus.

The email of me sending back the signed 20k contract is also scrubbed from our employee email and suspiciously no where to be found (which I am very certain I sent).

Netizens’ comments

1. Present them with your copy of the signed contract. You did save a copy of the contract, didn’t you?
2. If I signed a contract for a $20,000 bonus I would have a plethora of copies.
3. Why is the email accepting the job coming from your work email? How did you have access to your work email before accepting the job, shouldn’t that email be in your personal account?
4. And that right there is why I BCCed my personal email on every legal document I signed with my employer.
5. Sounds like you gotta sue them. And if you have communication from them that says that the 20k was a mistake (rather than them just outright denying that it was ever offered) then they are basically just admitting that the agreement did exist.

My boyfriend (M 25) doesn’t let me (F 24) have any male friends. Should I break up with him?

My boyfriend and I have been talking for 5 months and exclusive for two. (Not that long, I know.) but I really want this one to work out (I think he has very good qualities as a man better than anyone I’ve met before) but can’t help it is somewhat toxic or excessive.

This is really an opinion post, so let it all out below lol. my bf is so against me hanging out with men especially people I’ve been met before him.

I’ve stated that these people have never been weird or made any advancements toward me. If I see that it becomes too much I distance or separate myself from that person/situation.

Should I break up with him over this?

Netizens’ comments

1. Babe, been there done that! At first I gave in, no male friends… and then no social media… no girl friends… no family.. etc. the list goes on. Please be very careful, no one can tell you who you can be friends with or not, never in my life will I go through that again. They start small and eventually they have full control over you. This might seem “extreme” but it’s the truth.
2. Doesn’t “let” you have male friends? Doesn’t LET you???
   Oh, girl … this relationship only a couple of months old and he’s already trying to control you. Either he trusts you or he doesn’t – and if he trusts you, your male friends shouldn’t be a concern. If he doesn’t trust you, then that’s his problem to solve. You don’t have to make your own life smaller to accommodate his desire to control you.
3. You probably should tbh. It’s pretty early on in the relationship and he’s already controlling who you’re friends with? Nah, huge red flag and shows he’s incredibly insecure.
4. I personally advise breaking up with him. If he’s asking this of you only 5 months in (and only exclusive for TWO), his jealousy and control issues will get even worse over time. This is just the beginning.

i showed a guy i’ve been seeing for a few months a picture of me when i was 15kg heavier and his reaction shocked me

i’ve been seeing this guy for two months and it’s been great. he has all of the qualities i’ve been looking for in a person; he’s sweet, funny, polite, great in bed, etc.

we go out to eat at least once or twice a week and in the past couple of months i’ve gained a few weight, maybe 6-10kg…

when we go out we get appetizers, mains, drinks and dessert…and then breakfast out the next day.

i was joking with him earlier today about gaining weight but i also said “it’s a good thing i look good at different weights, whether it’s 60 or 100 kg.”

he snapped his head towards me and said, “100kg??! no way you’ve ever been 100kg.” i pulled up a photo of me from 2019 and he stared in awe.

i could see sparkles in his eyes. he begged me to show him more photos of me at that weight and asked if i had any more

his reaction shocked me because i so often feel like i have to force myself to be small, and for what? it’s okay to not be teeny-tiny. it made me feel safe and appreciated

Netizens’ comments

1. I used to know a girl who was very pretty. But I saw a picture of her when she was heavier, she was an absolute bombshell. No kidding, she should have been a plus sized model.
   I am not that way. I found out that I do not look great too under or too overweight. There is this sweet spot.
   Our features are just different. It isn’t just a “everybody looks good at this weight” thing. Everyone should find out what works best for them.
2. This was unexpectedly sweet. I’m glad you were able to see yourself as someone who is attractive even when you’re not the smallest you’ve been. He seems like a good guy. All the best hon
3. It’s great to know your partner appreciates your body no matter the size, and I’m happy you found a keeper! Life changes and appearances change, but appreciation from your partner shouldn’t change.

Girlfriend got fired from work and I don’t give AF I’m actually glad.

A few nights ago my girlfriend tells me she’s going out to grab drinks with her friend. I mentioned to her how she was on a diet and was suppose to avoid alcohol and certain foods for her health and that it was already getting late.

She pretty much blew off what I said and went with her friend. She then texted me she was going to the bars/ club with them as well.

I stressed to her that it is a Tuesday and that she has work at 5am and that she’s already tight financially and it probably would be the best idea.

She again blew me off and went anyways. Well she got drunk and stayed out extremely late and left her keys with her friend who got drunk and she missed work.

She got a text today saying she’s fired. I can’t help but not give a f because I tried to warn her and save her but she’s grown and made the decision.

I feel like I should feel sympathy but I can’t. Now I have to carry a heavier load financially for her because of her poor decision making.

Netizens’ comments

1. Some people learn and mature the hard way. I sure AF did.
2. Sorry that happened to you. Good news is you aren’t married so if this turns into a regular thing you have an easy out. I’m not saying dump her over one mistake but you do need to analyze if these type of behaviors are part of a pattern. If you start seeing a pattern either she needs to express an independent desire to work on herself or you need to leave because when people go down this path they will drag you down with them.
3. No, someone could argue that you are completely fine for feeling cuz you did your best and warned her but she did at her own risk. Goodluck until she finds a job bro
4. Honestly, if I wasn’t in too deep in this relationship this would be grounds for leaving. If i was in deep this would be a serious reconsideration.
   Tells you a lot about who she is as a person, and that she doesn’t value your input or feelings.
   Tells you what she doesn’t see as important and tells you what she does and those aren’t good for longevity and aren’t good for you to subject yourself to.
   If it’s a one off thing then cool, if it happens even once more, She needs to be done.

My [26M] wife [28F] walked out because I wouldn’t sleep with her while she was pregnant

My wife and I have been together 5 years, married 2, and expecting our first child. We’ve been trying for over a year so we were over the moon when we found out she was pregnant. She was a little nervous about her body changing but I assured her that I would always find her beautiful inside and out.

During her first trimester she felt sick all the time and as a result intimacy was almost non-existent. I didn’t complain about the lack of intimacy during this time because I knew she couldn’t help it. A few weeks into the second trimester things turned around though and she started trying to get intimate with me.

This is where problems arose. She was starting to show at this point which made it impossible to deny that there was a little baby in there.

I couldn’t stay hard because I felt like we were doing it right in front of the baby. She was understanding at first (I have had ED issues in the past and she has always been kind and never shamed me for it) and she suggested we do hand stuff and oral instead.

However I explained I didn’t feel like doing anything obscene with the baby in the room. She said the baby was the size of a grape and didn’t have a brain yet but I told her it wasn’t about logic, I just felt gross and I couldn’t enjoy it.

Over the next few weeks she kept trying to initiate and I kept turning her down. I started to get a little annoyed by the second week of this because she knew very well how I felt about it yet kept asking.

Last night when I turned her down once again she blew up at me and said she never would have married me if she thought I was the kind of guy to lose attraction to his pregnant wife while she’s carrying his child. I tried to explain that I’m still attracted to her but she didn’t listen, she packed a bag and went to her parents’ house.

I got a text from my brother in law a few hours later asking if I’m ok and what happened so I guess at least she hasn’t been spinning a negative story about me to my in laws. I haven’t responded to the text though. I’m confused and heartbroken our marriage might end over something so trivial.

How can I get her to understand that I really am still attracted to her?