Background: 24F grew up in a medium income Singapore household with 2 younger bros. Parents fell into bad debt and business and income was going down.

Didn’t want to go to Uni and rather take a gap year after poly (work for Uni money) but parents refused and forced me to go to Uni so I randomly chose a Uni in SG. One of the biggest things that cause me hatred towards my parents but they payed for full tuition.

For the past 2 years I have been working. 1st Year of work I offered to give them some money but they refused telling me to build my savings. Sadly, I didn’t save well.

2nd Year I started to save and moved to a more stable job but now my parents have been demanding me for money by guilt tripping me. I give them $300 a month but when my dad was out of a job I gave $500 for a few months.

On top of that my Bro 23M has the luxury of not working after poly and NS and has stayed home for 1YR playing games. He got into a car accident this year and badly damaged the rental car. But I have been paying his Monthly Insurance for it of $500 ?!?!?!?!?!?!

On top of this money to my mum. My parents will randomly say they need $300 urgently to pay bills and I have to give to them.

Because of this, so much debt has incurred for them to pay me back. But they can spend $30 on ice cream and grab food delivery for my bro who sits at home and plays games all day.

But the guilt trip me saying my dad doesn’t earn much when he was the one who chose the job and that they urgently need money…

I am trying to save money to get out of this toxic household and buy a hse with my BF but I barely have any money left…. This has caused me great stress. I also have GAD which my parents don’t know about because they don’t believe in mental health and I’m the eldest.

But recently my 23M bro was diagnosed with bipolar after being admitted to IMH so my parents have been quiet and put all this stress on me. It’s very difficult for me and I feel helpless.

No point talking to them because the guilt tripping starts. Help:(

My (32 M) wife (33 F) can’t come to terms with the fact that we are not and never will be rich. I’m at my breaking point.

My wife (33 F) and I (32 M) met in school. She was in a marketing program, and I was in computer science. She ended up not finishing her degree, but got a fairly good starting job in the field anyway because her friend’s dad hired her for his business.

While she got her job through nepotism, I do know that she is talented and good at it. I finished my degree. She started out at about 35k a year, and I started out at about 65k a year.

Flash forward to now- she is making 50k a year and I’m making 100k. It still doesn’t feel like we are doing all that well.

Sure, the bills are always paid and we can eat at the occasional nice restaurant, but we were barely able to afford a lower middle class home. We can’t afford to go on exotic vacations. We don’t live paycheck to paycheck, but the money just doesn’t ever go as far as you would think.

The thing is, I’m happy! I grew up dirt poor and my parents were always stressed. My wife and I never are. We have a nice (albeit modest) house. We can afford our small hobbies and comforts.

She, on the other hand, has fallen deeper and deeper into darkness and it’s always the same things she talks about. She wants a new car. She wants hugely expensive renovations to the house (that we don’t actually need- the house was updated when we bought it).

She wants to go shopping for whatever specific brand of clothes or makeup. She wants a two week vacation in Europe.

She recently just keeps talking about how she’s not where she thought she’d be at this point in life. She goes on and on about it. She compares us to our friends and how good they have it.

The thing is, those friends she is comparing us to are people who come from generational wealth. They have it good because their parents handed it to them. She can’t seem to come to terms with just how good we truly have it- all she can see is what we don’t have.

The most frustrating thing is that a lot of our financial situation (that, again, I’m comfortable with) is held back by her! She’s making about as much money as she can in her field without a degree.

I am making twice what she is now, and I’m not done moving up the ladder. I’ve tried over and over again to get her to go back to school but she just won’t.

At this point it might not even matter. Her credits are so old I don’t even know if they would count anymore and she’d probably have to start over.

On top of all that, she makes comments like “I thought when I married a software engineer that I wouldn’t have to work anymore.” Basically alluding to the fact that I’m not making enough to fit her lifestyle.

I love her, but I’m so tired. I’m tired of coming home from a busy day at work, thinking that I’ll finally get to relax and decompress, only to hear her constant negativity about money.

I’ve talked with her so many times over the years and in so many ways but I just can’t get through to her. We’ve tried couples counseling but it did little. I’ve begged her to do personal counseling but she isn’t interested.

I’m at the end of my rope and I’ll take any advice out there. At this point I almost want to tell her to divorce me already so she can find a nasty 50 year old divorcee to be her sugar daddy.

What can I do to help her accept our lot in life? Or is it time that I stop wasting energy and let her go?

My F30 Boyfriend M32 of 7 years. Recently started thinking he’s a psychic. That he can predict the future and learn about certain events before they happen. To be honest, He was right with some of his predictions. For example; he predicted that there was going to be a funeral at the end of may in my family and it was true, My grandmother passed away (she was already sick) in may but everyone knew this was going to happen. Another one where he predicted that his sister was going to give to a baby girl (she decided to wait to find out the gender) and it was indeed a girl BUT his sister’s cravings were a dead giveaway in my opinion.

Now he has come to believe he has this super power that should be used to gain money. He really gotten into it with his “rituals” and new clothing style and the social media accounts where he gets his clients. I had no issue with him playing prediction games for fun but there is actually money and serious matters involved now.

Here’s what happened last night. I was on his laptop scrolling through an online store when a fb message popped from a “client” of his. The message read “how long, exactly? Can you be more precise?” And I opened it out of curiosity and found that my boyfriend had conversations with this guy telling him his sick wife will die due to an infection after her surgery and advising him not to have her get the surgery to avoid this outcome and wait for at least 6 months.

Now this has no scientific proof at all my boyfriend doesn’t have a medical degree of any sort to come to such conclusions or to give medical advice. I was legit shocked after finding out this guy’s wife actually suffers from serious medical condition. I immediately confronted my boyfriend and after he tried to turn this into a “you invaded my privacy?” argument he told me I don’t understand because the guy came to him for some “enlitement” and “guidance” on where to go from where he and his wife are and he told him what he “saw” in his mind and advised him to wait before getting the surgery that’s all. 

Friend’s Wife abandons baby(1y) and Husband for new boyfriend. Now her family want to fight for custody. Is there a way my friend can win ?

Dont wanna say much later I kena defamation suit from friend’s wife hahaha. But his wife has been having an affair for a good 2 months maybe more, going over to stay at bf’s (whom was a friend of both) house every night neglecting her own child.

Now don’t know where she staying lmao, doesnt even ask about her own child. Blames husband for neglecting her so find other person’s touch lmao.

Husband has been heartbroken, working day and night to support his child now, but now wife’s family wants to fight for custody . Wife’s family got money, husband not so much. How like that Women…

Netizens’ comments

1. A court fight is not going to be in his favour. Also for clarity, Singapore courts generally rule for shared custody. It’s Care and Control that has to be decided. Essentially who is the main caregiver.
   For the fight, he’ll need to be as vicious as possible by showcasing her neglect, her lack of contribution. Even then it’s an uphill battle.
   He needs a lawyer, and I can only tell you what my lawyer told me. The courts in general don’t like to upset the established order. If the child’s welfare is taken care of, they generally do not like to make major changes. So his best bet is to drag it out. The longer the status quo remains, the better his chances. Also, before custody happens, divorce must happen first. The key is getting a divorce without alimony. That may be hard given the perceived nature of the wife.
   I’d play a long game. Show her that she’s better off without care and control of the child. That she can go start a new life on her own and be happy. I was successful on that front. But if she pushes for a court battle, the odds are not in his favour.
2. Start gathering receipts. Proof that the mother abandon the baby (whether by texts or witnesses) stuffs he bought for the baby or anything he has done since the wife left without her help.
   Baby usually goes to wife or husband, there’s no chance if the husband is fighting for custody, that the in laws minus the wife could get custody, especially if they have zero proof that husband is neglectful.
   And please get a good divorce lawyer.
3. Set up camera, and try to capture wife as violent, and bf as dangerous too.
   Also try to get that they are both bad for baby, and also that husband got financial means to take care of baby because got family.
   Also show that she not a good mother, like how he came home to find baby alone, coz she was at bf place.

My Brother (18M) was told by his girlfriend (18F) that if he doesn’t workout and get in shape she is done with him. How concerned should I be?

He’s not even overweight, he’s just no longer insanely fit like he was when they first got together 3 years ago.

My brother is a really really sweet, innocent guy. He is very kind, and a bit of a pushover. His girlfriend hardly comes over to our house, but from my limited perspective she seems a bit bratty and spoiled.

From what he’s told me she seems to care much more about her own interests than his. From what he says it sounds like she often criticizes him and tells him what to do.

I’m wondering how bad the ultimatum in the title is, as I’m considering maybe advising him to break up with her. I wish I could give more insight into their relationship but I really don’t have too much to go off of.

To me it sounds very unacceptable and controlling, but I’m also young and no relationship expert. I know he cares about her so much and they have been very attached to one another for over 3 years now.

Any advice, similar experiences, stories, or any kind of wisdom about relationships would be appreciated, since I’m the only one he can really talk to about this and I’m a bit clueless and inexperienced on relationships myself. Thanks!

Netizens’ comments

When I was in a toxic relationship I tried so hard to hide all of the red flags from my family and friends. There were definitely alarming things that he did in front of them and I wish that someone had taken me aside and said something simple like “hey are you okay? Some of the things I’ve seen/heard don’t seem great”

You can’t always realise that your relationship isn’t normal if you don’t have the right references.

I would encourage you to try to talk to your brother about it in a really non-confrontational way so he doesn’t get defensive. A chat about your concerns that doesn’t put him on the front foot and isn’t strong enough to alienate him might make him think on it more and realise that it isn’t normal to be treated that way.

How much making love is considered excessive for newlyweds?

I posted last week regarding being a virgin and getting married last Friday. I sought advice on what to do in terms of physical intimacy with my almost wife, who is now officially my newlywed wife.

I received a lot of great advice from everyone. Following the recommendations from many, we ended up making love and consummating our marriage on our wedding night.

Both of us lost our virginity, and since then, we have been f-ing every day, 2-3 times a day, for the past four days of our marriage.

Primarily, I have been in the dominant position, performing the missionary position and engaging in PIV intercourse.

However, just last night, she took the initiative and assumed the cowgirl position, riding me with enthusiasm.

Based on the information I have received and the literature I have read, it usually takes several weeks to even months for a newly married couple to become comfortable with each other intimately, especially in the case of an arranged marriage where both individuals are virgins.

So, is my experience a rare exception to the norm?

Netizens’ comments

1. As long as you can both walk normally afterward and no one is fed up, you’re good to go.
2. It is only excessive when: 1) there is a mismatch in interest and one person is pressuring the other person and causing unhappiness in the relationship, 2) you are hurting your obligations such as work or school so that you can F, or 3) you are f-ing so much that either of you are getting injured.
3. No such thing as too much for newlyweds. It’s bonding you. Talk to her about everything in a very open way, she will tell you if it’s too much. She may surprise you and tell you something that will make it even better.
4. There isn’t a number. Go until someone taps out!!

My boss told me to be LESS enthusiastic about working

Yeah exactly what the title says… my boss called me into his office and spoke to me about my worth ethic.

I am the type of person to go above and beyond. I like to work and I want to bring the best I can to the team and give it my all.

I tend to work very fast and complete my assignments very quickly and effectively. My boss will dump work on my and I end up completing it within a couple of hours, some thing that takes him a week to do.

My boss informed me to please stop reply to so many emails and that it would be better to leave some emails unanswered and as well to try and work slower.

He says I should be doing all this or else people will expect more from the team. He has told me try not to go all in, I know you like your job and everything but you are going wild with this and its starting to effect the ethics in the office.

So I am being told to work less.. so confused.. I was given a verbal warning.

Netizens’ comments

1. As someone who used to go above and beyond and get absolutely nothing for it except more work, I’d listen to your boss. Spend that effort during work hours towards something else you’re interested in learning or doing.
2. Listen, you go to work to do a job and to get paid. If the boss says do less work to make the team look like a pos so everyone else can work less, do it. lol Just bring some ear buds with you and watch a movie like I do while I work.
3. Do you respond to each and every single email with things like “thank you” or “ok”? Not every email needs a response. You may be flooding people’s inboxes with unimportant replies.
4. He does not want the entire group to HAVE to work like you, makes sense. Some do not see the work as being more important than the life.

A girl quit on her first day of training at my last job and I salute her.

I worked at a cafe with a boss who treated us all like thieves and slackers and yelled at us about everything. I was warned when I started working there not to take it personally when he yells at me, he’s just like that with everyone (what a guy.)

This new girl started working and showed up for her first day of training. What does the boss do? He yells at her for no reason, of course. So she quit on the spot and never came back.

The boss was flabbergasted. I left about a month later and a lot of other coworkers quit before then too. No idea how that place stays open with the turnaround they have there but I have so much respect for that girl who just left.

Didn’t stand for mistreatment even for a second. Hope she’s doing well.

Netizens’ comments

1. If there were more people like her, there would be fewer business owners like him.
2. When someone says “no one wants to work anymore” it means no one wants to work for them.
   So many bosses are toxic and need to change their behaviour.
3. Literally everyone should have boundaries like that.
4. People in higher-up positions at work places yell, it’s an instant red flag. They don’t deserve their position.
5. A lot of job hopping going on in the market right now; not that I blame anyone, because of this. Managers want to swing their Ds around like in the ‘good old days’ (Yes, I’ve heard this when it comes to disciplining employees.)
6. As someone who always does training for every job Ive ever done, I will always tell them all the problems of the job and tell them to run if the place sucks. I was a manager at my last job, so that was pretty fun to do

Really inexperienced in dating, i need some advices from my sgeans please.

To start off, i have never been in a relationship all my life. Only situationships if that’s what you’ll call them. I’ll talk to guys for 3-4 months and then things just don’t work out.

Both myself and the guy have called the shots to end things. I’ve noticed that texting and updating them about my day is like a chore at first.

i hate the small talks to keep conversations going. UNLESS it is something that interest me. is it normal to feel this way? am i being selfish? or does it mean i just do not like the guy enough to share about my life?

i generally am a quiet person. rarely text any of my friends unless they do text me first. i guess i love to keep to myself unless i’m hanging around people i’m comfortable with then i could be loud.

At this rate, i’ve thought of getting into an arranged marriage in the future

Netizens’ comments

1. Maybe you are just better off single?
2. I used to be like you, then I met someone that I enjoyed doing all these to.
3. Op, I’ve been married more than 20 years. What do you think our conversations are about? Deep philosophical stuff? Hell no, it’s boring mundane day to day updates and thoughts. Gossiping about our friends and work. It’s not so much the content but rather the emotional connection between partners and being part of each others lives.
4. No. Before I met my husband, I was also not into small talks with the guys that I met/dated. Only when I met my husband, small talks didn’t seem so bad. It was getting to know the person and finding out what common interest we have. I think it is how attracted you and the other person are with each other and the level of chemistry you have to kind of endure the small talks. Now being married, we still ask questions like “How was your day?” and “what did you have for lunch?”. It may seems lame, but questions like these are what makes your partner feel loved and that you are still interested in what is going on in their lives no matter how mundane it is.
   Not saying that same thing will happen to you. Probably you will meet somebody who are not into small talks like you and understand relationships the same way you do. Whatever the case, don’t think that you are weird. Just think that you probably don’t vibe with the people that you are in situationship in.