If an employee is required to be in office via the discretion of the company, when the work could be completed virtually/remote, then the company should be required to reimburse the employee for their time spent in traffic.

I’m currently working for a bank that is working a hybrid schedule. Our work is done utilizing online services that can also be accessed via our company issued laptops anywhere, as we have multiple security systems in place to access a VPN.

Why do I have to take the s-t and spend 3 days a week in traffic when I could just sit home, and do the same thing? I can get the work done, reduce my car emissions, and have an increased sense of personal wellness and flexibility in work life balance?

F the logic of my personal vehicle is my own so my company doesn’t owe me anything. If your business requires me to be downtime in your shiny office, you are making my trip a mandatory “business purpose” trip that I wouldn’t take otherwise.

F off. If your old CEOs can’t handle remote work, they can go in, but don’t drag my s-t into it because you can’t open a PDF without an administrative assistant outside your physical office.

Netizens’ comments

1. Along with cost of adhearing to the dress code. Every vehicle accident I have been in during my 57 years has been either to or from work as well. Let also consider the need to have higher food costs and simply just paying us for the hours of the commute itself.
2. Commute should be included as part of your work hours for sure
3. If work is paying you for the commute hours then work will start to tell you what you can do and how to do it on your commute.
   Radio on commute, nope it’s a distraction. Need to stop for food or petrol, nope deviations aren’t allowed
   You smoke? Well laws say you cannot while being paid during a commute.
   Want to drop the kids off? Nope deviation again.
   Get a speeding ticket. Oh sorry that’s against policy we’ll have to write you up, up to and including termination.
   Accident, well now we need an investigation and a full blood panel to see if you were under the influence.
   Oh also your insurance, it’s now considered a work vehicle, heres a rate hike.
   You think this won’t happen but it will.

Lost. Need advice.

Some context – i earn approx 300k sgd per annum. Wife comes from a comfortable family.

We were having a conversation one day and she made it sound like I’m poor and don’t earn enough.

I got upset. Then she got upset. I ended up apologising to her because I didn’t want her to be upset.

I asked her why she got upset a few weeks later because I really wanted to know why. She said it was because I was upset with her.

I’m lost. Is this how it is? Anyone else experienced the same? How would you have approached the situation differently?

Here are what netizens think:

• Which adult earning 300K per annum cannot figure out his wife is upset with him, for being upset with her? Then goes on to upset her more, by apologising for not knowing that he had upset her?

• Hahahaha she made it sound or your ego got the best of you? 

• So basically it was never about money.. but assuming they upset with you assuming you upset because of them.

• People earming 300k per annum generally dont have time to rant about petty stuff..u sound more like u earn 30k per annum.

• She’s looking for reasons to pick a fight with you because she’s found someone better.

• When one put emphasis on money, family comes second. Going by your words, I don’t suppose you are borned rich. Rich people don’t feel such insecurities, we don’t even look at the demands in life

• Always remind her who wear the pants in the family. No matter how “small” you earn. If she is able to support you, be a house husband instead and tend to her every needs. While she is at work, do a side investment quietly. Always have something to fall back on. If you have to work, never declare your full income.

‘Compulsory’ after work activities?

I’d like to ask working folks how common does your bosses or companies organize after work activities that you are somehow expected to attend? Are you okay with attending those or feel unhappy inside and is just forced to attend?

I watched a documentary about how Japanese employees have to attend after work drinking and socializing with their colleagues and some do it almost everyday.

It reminds me of my previous company. My boss and one of the team leaders are big extroverts and they love to organize after work dinners and get togethers every 1-2 weeks.

They didn’t say it’s compulsory but I was told that the unwritten expectation is that I need to attend or my career would get affected if I don’t.

The company itself also loves to organize team bonding stuff frequently and again it is expected for staff to attend. I hated these stuff and needless to say I didn’t last long there.

Luckily my next job doesn’t have such bulls**t. Weirdly some ppl appear to enjoy those and always appeared happy and energetic.

I dk how prevalent are such activities are in sg. Would love to hear stories and how do employees rly feel abt them!

Netizens’ comments

1. Always differentiate if its a job or a career. A lot of jobs i had were jobs. I had no interest in growing or staying long. So I wouldn’t give a fuck.
   If you want to stay for long, then yeah, you have to do some of these once in awhile.
2. If team dinner I’ll go. If company event I’ll go. If it’s an extra event and I don’t feel like it, I’ll pass. It all depends on your level of interest and engagement. I think some companies don’t care if you go or don’t since people have lives outside of work. Generally
3. but to be honest, i lead a team of >20 and its a variety of wants. some ppl tell me they miss their prev workplace where they would meet for dinners and even go for activities on weekends together. some ppl tell me “rheinl, i will only attend 1 event every quarter” i ask some managers if i should be responsible for turning those on the team into well-adjusted adults? the ans is also a mixed bag of “yes” and “no”
   so in the end is a compromise whereby we will organize events and nudge those that that are less sociable to come occasionally but leave it not compulsory. we try to target those activities as inclusive as possible (so no “drinks” or “KTV” nights) but its frankly impossible to satisfy everyone
   on my end, i use these events as opportunities to talk to folks who seem to be having a hard time a little more (again, in an office environment, not everyone is willing to spill the beans in a 1-on-1). so i would say as someone with less work exp, these are pretty good opportunities to share with yr mgr / director something you dont normally share that could be beneficial to your progression / current work environment

Not a gold digger

People see me as this atas, high maintenance, hard to please. However, i am not.

Yes, i do love my luxury items and i spend MY MONEY on expensive clothes, bags and jewellery, eat out at nice restaurants and cafe. Lover of finer things in life.

I do not request or expect my other half for anything except for his time.

I love myself some expensive luxury bags, but i will be over the moon even with a simple $10 bag because he bought it, he chose it and his effort to buy for me. No need fine dining, i am happy even with hawker food, as he took the effort to bring me to hawker and researched which hawker is nice as oppose to expensive food = nice food. There is no need for fancy sports car as long as there is public transport to the place.

Its not about the luxury in life but it is about spending time with the person, growing with the person.

Here are what netizens think:

• The moment you need validation from strangers when people who know you already deemed you as such, you are what you are. Just accept it and hope the person you love accept you for who you are.

• You seem like you are trying too hard to convince yourself. Accept who you are. You are going very hard against your natural self. If you are materialistic, then be comfortable with it, no need to fear judgement from people or be concerned with how other people think. Be who you are, the right people will come to you. Why force yourself to accept a $10 bag or eat hawker food, when deep down you don’t like it? And justify with a wall of words here. Self-acceptance will put your psyche at ease and is the first step to happiness.

• Interesting… Doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable with this lifestyle. Because if you are comfortable, you wouldn’t have any need to broadcast this..

My FWB is too good in bed and now I’m catching feelings

Several weeks ago, I slept with this guy and it was easily the best I ever had. He was just way too good.

No man ever made me feel safer and more respected in bed but at the same time f-ed me so hard that at one point I was very dizzy, my ears were ringing and I felt like I’ll pass out.

The problem? I can’t stop thinking about it. My libido skyrocketed since we first got together (albeit there are other factor that contributed to this) and I can’t even look at this man without thinking about f-ing him and we see each other almost daily.

I truly enjoy f-ing I have a high libido in general and I love to experiment in bed. I don’t have an issue separating emotion from the physical but I now have these “feelings” that are giving my brain really crazy and lowkey dangerous ideas.

I had great partners in bed before but it never made me feel like this. Honestly, I’m a little bit concerned what he thinks of me at this point given what, how, and how many times we did it in the past few weeks.

Anyways, I’d have no problem telling him what’s happening or that I even might be catching some feelings but:
a) I was the one who asked him for casual sessions,
b) he’s (casually) dating another woman so I see no point,
c) we share a friend group and he’s never given me an indication he might like me in a more romantic way and more controversially
d) I really don’t want to stop f-ing him and if I end up mentioning anything to him, he might not want to continue with our agreement.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for here. Is it possible to somehow retrospectively separate emotions from our hook ups?

I’m having a hard time figuring out whether those are my actual feelings or it’s just monkey-brain talk because I mostly do casual lately (and currently have other partners) but I never had these feelings or whatever it is that is happening. Any advice is welcome.

“I have loved you for a thousand year, I’ll love you for a thousand more”

My BF keeps expecting me to write poems for him for almost a decade already..

I said: “Tough job”. He replied: “Tough love”. Lol, since he’s so much more senior than me I respected his stance.

Once I wrote a thousands-word poem for him. He said not enough, so I wrote more despite having many other projects to do.

But after I doubled the length, he never really has time to read them coz he’s also busy writing poems. xD

–

Sometimes I can’t help thinking, we might as well do stargazing instead.

Honestly, why waste time writing poems? You get what I mean, right?

If you don’t like Star A, we can gaze at Stars B to Z.

If you don’t like Planet 1, there are still Planets 2 to infinity..

But still,

The best stars are when I gaze into your eyes; while the best planet to be is – when you are present in my world.

Love, be here now.

I miss you, already.

Here are what netizens think:

• If no more poem to write, turn it into a song. Then send to Taylor Swift to sing it for both of u. More lomantik

• You should make those into greeting cards and make a load of passive income instead of just letting them collect dust in front of an unappreciative audience.

• You need to understand, he needs to submit those poems to his wife lol

• erm…maybe not much about the writing of poems; maybe because he finds u not romantic. in which case, -stargazing is fine unless u just look out of your window then that’s simply mood kill.

• If no more poem to write, turn it into a song. Then send to Taylor Swift to sing it for both of u. More lomantik

My bf [29m] gave me [22f] an odd gift. I am not sure how to feel about it.

I started seeing my bf 2 years ago and moved in with him almost exactly a year ago. He gave me a gift of $2500 on the anniversary of moving in. It was a lot of money and he told me why when he gave it to me.

He said that he didn’t want me to ever feel like I was financially trapped with him. He handles most of the finances in the home and I chip in for dates sometimes.

Most of my money at the moment goes to finishing school. He told me that he grew up with a mother who couldn’t leave her physically and emotionally toxic relationship because of money and that even though he’s not either of those things, he wants to make me feel as safe as possible. He mentioned that he’d like me to save the money for a rainy day.

I just told him that I have no idea how to react to this but just said thank you. After that we just started talking about our days and things like that. Almost as if it never happened.

It’s still gnawing at me though and I am not sure how to bring it up. This is a lot of money and I have no feelings of leaving him or anything of the sort.

What kind of behavior is this?

Netizens’ comments

1. I think it was a kind gesture of him, based on his family history, but since it’s not something you see everyday, it can be perceived as strange.
   I suggest keeping the money on a savings account or investing it on something safe. If the relationship ends you can return the money if you’re still not comfortable using it, but if the relationship gets more serious you can use it to buy a house or something together in the future.
2. I think he just wanted to assure you (and himself) that you are there because you want to be, not because you have to be. If you wanted to leave right now you could use that money for a rent deposit. But you’re not, you’re staying there and you want to be there. He doesn’t want you to feel trapped.
   If you uncomfortable with this, assure him you have your own money and could get a place on our own if you wanted, but you don’t want to. Then offer to use the money for something for your place like a nice new mattress or something.
3. Frankly you may have hit the jackpot – not the money, the man.
   Very few men are aware of how easily women can get trapped financially. If they know, they don’t care or don’t act on it. Your boyfriend knows and he acted on it.
   I hope all else is well, because you may have found a truly good one.

How Do I Get Things Right

I would like advice on what I can do to terminate the maid hired by my husband or what kind of legal action is possible if I am not ready for a legal separation divorce at the moment. He is protective of her and I cannot let it go on. MOM refuse to step in unless I have evidence of their infidelity. She is stirring trouble at home by causing dispute between my husband and me.. she knows how to play her cards and my mother in law has taken her, my son and my husband into her home. I m the one who has been providing for family expenses as husband is not working. Since they moved to the in law house this year, I stopped providing and my husband started working to support the maid and to pay for our son’s expenses.

Here are what netizens think:

• Hi,go to hdb,request to change joint tenancy to tenancy in common,99% you,1% him. If you’re preparing for a divorce,Get a lawyer ask for their advice, Take photos of evidence,make a police report submit evidence

• Think you’re in a high position in work and in your marriage. You’re the one with the earning power right now. He want to do this, what is there to lose at your end? Divorce then get custody of your kid. Scrap your husband and his family. End of story. Know your worth.

• What did she do to cause a rift in ur family? Unfortunately only ur husband can teminate. Collect as many evidence to support ur cause then maybe u have a fighting chance.

• Ask her if your husband’s tool is big enough for her loose purse. If she says either yes or no, you got her! Cos the correct answer is how would I know.

• If the employment was registered under his name, there is nothing you can do to force a termination.

My (21F) boyfriend (22M) said he would put $5 aside every time we have sex so that “the amount of money I get from him will depend on me.”

I (21F) was told by my bf that he (22M) would put a certain amount of our money aside every time we get intimate, so “the amount of money I get from him will depend on me”.

We have been together for just over a year now. I was taken aback by this but I thought he was joking because I had told him I could charge him $30 (as a joke) for saying that this female friend of his is prettier than me (for the second time this year).

Honestly I meant it as a joke at first but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became. The more uncomfortable I became, the more I actually looked back at the things he did/said that I brushed off.

One thing in particular that stood out was when forgot my birthday which was in May. In his defense, it was his brother’s and close friend’s birthday on the same day, and he was at both celebrations (True. I know them, but we are not close).

I also joked about charging him $30 for that too, but the whole “putting aside money thing” came up when I joked about charging him for the pretty comment he made. He’s not budging and I can’t tell if it’s a joke or not.
I feel confused as this is my second serious relationship. How do I confront/talk to him about this?

Netizens comments

1. That is prostitution and if you want to engage in prostitution I would recommend a rate higher than $5
2. Sorry, but this does not at all sound like a serious relationship.
   You can confront and talk to him and tell him straight up that its a deal breaker for you because if you had self respect it would be.
   You’re not a prostitute. You’re old enough to tell him if he’s serious about that then this relationship clearly isn’t serious and you should move forward with your life.
3. so he is treating you like a prostitute and you are ok with it?

I (29F) made my husband (32M) cry while we f-ed for the first time since reconciling. I know this can’t be how things stay forever.

My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant, and he knocked up the other woman. Our baby is currently six months old. I don’t know the due date for the other one, but I’m pretty sure it’s soon.

When I found out, I hadn’t given birth yet, and I was going to leave him, but I was scared and couldn’t do it. I talked to a lawyer, and it sounded expensive, and I might be separated from my newborn for huge chunks of time even in the first month of her life. All of that scared me, and I backed down.

He begged me to forgive him, and I agreed to, even though I didn’t want to, because I was afraid to be a divorced mom.

He cut contact with the other woman, and he lets me check his phone every night. He never leaves the house without me except for work.

He slept in the nursery at first, but he moved back into our room a few weeks ago. He’s been trying to cuddle with me and such every night, and I would push him away. It’d been such a long time since I had any intimacy, so last night when he tried to cuddle me I responded.

I felt a strong need for physical contact, and he got really excited. He started doing all my favorite things he used to do.

It made me upset, because I wondered if he did them with her. I asked him that during, and he started crying and asked if I would ever forgive him. I guess since I decided to stay married to him, I do have to forgive him eventually. I can’t punish him for the rest of our lives.

I just don’t know how to do it. I still feel so betrayed. I feel like he abandoned me when I needed him. I was making dinner for our son while standing on swollen ankles, and he was f-ing someone else.

I have to let go of this anger, but I don’t know how. I’m more determined than ever not to divorce, because caring for the baby and our son has been hard even with two people. I can’t do this on my own.

How do I let go of this anger? Once this baby is born, he’s going to have to start paying child support to her, and I know that will reignite my anger. How do I start preparing myself now?