Hi all. 35/F here. Wondering if anyone has gone through this as well and if anyone can relate or has advice.

Since my last very serious BF, I have been dating for the past 10 years or so. In that time, I’ve had a couple relationships, the longest of which lasted a year.

However, in ten years of dating, maybe ~4 relationships lasting 6-12 months, and many shorter “situationships” shall we call them, not one single man has told me he loves me. Not one. Of the two longest and most serious relationships, one ended it after 8 months by saying he just felt like he should be in love with me by then but wasn’t. The other told me he was basically gearing himself up to tell me he loved me, but I dumped him for other reasons (very toxic relationship) before he ever did, if he would have at all.

This past week, a guy I dated for 4 months who was extremely compatible with me in terms of everything (goals, relationship goals, hobbies, etc), incredible mind blowing physical chemistry, and with which we both had such a easy and comfortable time together, were vulnerable etc with each other, ended things because he said he just didn’t feel himself falling for me.

I had just started feeling like I was falling for him and had asked him to DTR. Apparently another woman he was seeing also asked him to DTR the same week, and he decided to enter a relationship with her instead (ouch), I assume (but don’t know I guess) because he wasn’t feeling himself falling for me. Obviously, I am super hurt and the fact he stated he just didn’t feel he was falling for me triggered a lot because I feel like no guy does anymore, ever.

I guess I’m not sure what I’m seeking here, but I feel like I’ve become unlovable, and I don’t understand why. Obviously I’ve had relationships in the past (like over 10 years ago at this point thought) where I feel in love and it was mutual. But it seems impossible now, and I dread meeting people now that I feel an attraction with because it always ends up the same – we seem to have a great connection but then they just tell me they aren’t falling in love regardless, whilst I start falling for them.

What the hell am I doing wrong? Is this unusual? It makes me feel so horrible that I want to give up dating because I meet great people I click with and want to pursue something with, we seem compatible and having a great time, and yet….it just never goes further because they don’t fall for me.

Help! And yes I have a therapist but she really hasn’t been very useful.

My boss is an aggressive character. He’s not someone that takes no for an answer and when he sees an opportunity for more business, he goes for it. He’s relentless in his pursuit of success and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

The other day, he came to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. He wanted me to spend all of my money so I could find more sales for him. He said he had a plan and he was sure it would work. He wanted me to go to a car dealership and buy an Audi. Then, he said I should get a Rolex watch.

At first, I thought he was joking. I mean, what kind of boss would do something like this? But then I realized he was serious. He said if I followed his instructions, he would make sure I was taken care of financially.

So, I went to the car dealership and bought an Audi. It was a nice car, but it was more than I could afford. I had to take out a loan just to make the purchase. I then went to a jewelry store and bought a Rolex watch. This was also expensive and I had to take out another loan just to make that purchase.

I was now in a lot of debt and I was scared. I was worried about how I was going to pay for all of these items. I wasn’t sure if my boss was really going to take care of me or if he was just using me to make more money.

The next day, my boss called me into his office. He said he was impressed with my commitment and wanted to reward me. He said he had found me some new clients and he wanted me to keep working hard. He gave me a bonus and said he would take care of the loans I had taken out for the car and the watch.

I was amazed. My boss had put his faith in me and it had paid off. I was now able to pay off my debts and I was no longer in a financial bind. I was grateful for my boss’ generosity and I was determined to work even harder for him.

My boss taught me an important lesson that day: don’t be afraid to take risks and invest in yourself. If you believe in yourself and are willing to put in the work, you can succeed. You just have to be willing to do what it takes and trust in yourself.

My(29F) husband(28M) wants me to ask him for permission to do things such as hanging out with friends or going out after work with co workers.

I can understand letting him know but I feel weird having to ask him for permission. He knows how I feel but claims I don’t respect him. He has resorted to giving me the silent treatment.

For more context, we have been together for many years but have only been married for 1 year. I have asked him for permission in the past for things and he has told me no.

Should I just give in and ask him for permission?

tldr: husband wants me to ask him for permission to hang out with friends. He is upset I won’t do it.

Netizens’ comments

1. Does he ask for permission too when he goes out with the boys?
2. I mean if you’re okay with giving up your free will and body autonomy, also being considered property instead of a woman who has a title of wife. You will be considered property and treated like it.
3. I give you permission to tell your husband to go f himself.
4. He doesn’t respect you. Unless he’s your father, and you are actually 8 years old, you shouldn’t ask permission for anything. It is common courtesy to let him know your plans and to ensure he knows where you will be, but asking permission is ridiculous. He’s not your parent or your boss. Never ask permission.
5. Screw that!! You are an independent adult, and you don’t need his “permission” for a damned thing. That is controlling behavior. You don’t have to put up with that.
   Respect is letting him know that you are going out. Respect is making sure you two don’t have something already on the schedule.
   Respect is him respecting your autonomy as an individual!
   This would be a deal-breaker for me. He doesn’t own you.
6. I would tell him where I was going, or who I was hanging out with like “ i’m going out with my girls”. If he said no, I would just tell him I wasn’t asking permission I was just telling you. And leave it at that. Let them not talk to me.

I had a stroke three years ago, shortly after, developed epilepsy and chronic migraines. My looks have declined. I used to wear makeup every day. I can’t really do it anymore I feel terrible all the time.

My husband makes me feel worse about my natural face, body hair he absolutely will not tolerate and I must wear lingerie and heels.

Having only use of one side of my body really makes things difficult. I’ve tried. I really have, to make him happy but I’m in so much pain all the time.

He’s said awful things to me about finding it elsewhere, calling me a lazy slob and saying I could not wear makeup and put a wig on and just turn around so he can’t see my face.

He says this is all my fault because I set this standard of wearing makeup all the time and that all guys would agree with him, which I know is not true.

It’s not just that, he won’t even kiss me. I even offer to do things just for him and he says not without makeup.

He makes it impossible to be attracted to him. Why would I even want to fix up for him?? Trying to get my shit together to leave but its hard with one arm and brain damage that makes things confusing.

Netizens’ comments

1. Oh my goodness I am so sorry you’re going through this. He is an absolute a-hole and your life will be SO much better without having to constantly perform for him. in all seriousness please consider leaving him. You deserve to live in peace.
2. Above all you are a human being with feelings , thoughts and emotions who deserves to be treated as such . You’re not his personal adult toy . Don’t change a thing about yourself for man.
3. I genuinely gasped reading your post at how awful your husband is to you. For someone who said for better or worse. He’s an a-hole. None of this is your fault and don’t think otherwise.
4. It sounds like the lack of attraction runs deeper than just appearance for the both of you, and that may have devolved for him, and IN RESPONSE for you as well. I hope you receive a relationship that is focused more on intellect, experiences, and personality traits which is what you and your husband had at the beginning. Your efforts should be applauded not the other way around.

My fiancé (F 28) has admitted she isn’t attracted anymore to me (M 28) and is only with me for my family and assets
Partner isn’t attracted to me and admits they currently just want access to my family and assets

Hi all, really in need of advice. Me (M, 28) and my fiancé (F, 28) have been together for 5 1/2 years and engaged for half a year. I have stood by her through the most difficult times of her life, gave her a place in my family when her’s pushed her away and stood by her as anger issues welled to the surface.

I persuaded her to try counseling and a psychologist and she’s had such fantastic improvement. She is the complete love of my life and I have sacrificed so much for her with no regret. It’s not been easy but then again, when is love?

To cut to the chase, in the last two months she has become increasingly distant, opting to go out with her friends until 3am, has been messaging a guy she met in work long messages ending in rows of kisses and has rejected any attempts to be intimate.

I have listed and pushed to spend more time with her and I’m met with no’s at each junction. I confronted her about a week ago and on pushing and ultimately telling her how low, alone I feel, she has admitted that she is no longer attracted to me and doesn’t feel that ‘spark’ anymore.

However, she doesn’t want to leave me because of everything I offer, my family, my car, the house myself and my father are renovating for us to live in, etc. She claims she still loves me but honestly, I just feel worthless and broken. I feel used in that she is essentially dragging me along while figuring out what she wants from me to make this work.

I love her to pieces but my self confidence is shattered. I’m not sure if I even trust that she still loves me and that she isn’t at least emotionally cheating on me with this ‘friend’ she messages.

I’ve attempted to do all I can to compliment her, ask her to do things with me, look after her etc but she just always finds fault / disregards my effort completely. It feels like I’m trying to save our relationship and she just doesn’t care.

Is there anything I can even do at this point? I feel miserable and broken but I love her and I just can’t throw away the possibility of our future together. If we did break up, she would lose her home (in my name), my family, our friends…and me, though she completed disregards me as mentioned. I want to save our relationship but how do I stop getting taken for a ride?

Is it just me or is it a naturally Singaporean thing to want things fast?

What I meant is not just wanting our food or a Grab fast but just things in life in general like getting a promotion or a relationship.

It seems like people expect a promotion a few months in just by working super hard the moment they get in the job or they expect to get into a relationship after one date.

Am I the only one who actually feels that way or is it true that it’s just our nature of wanting things fast due to living in a rat race?

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s not just you, I’m also admittedly like that as well. When I message people, especially when I’m making plans, I subconsciously want them to reply ASAP.
   In school, I’ll always answer the teachers questions because I want the lesson to continue as quickly as possible (also why I’m the teacher’s pet lol). I just loathe inefficiency.
2. I think beyond being impatient by nature and living in a fast paced country, Singaporeans are generally non confrontational and like to assume things instead of communication directly and openly. The examples OP gave about expecting fast promotions /fast relationships are easily addressed by managing mutual expectations from the start.
3. Yes, though I am not sure if it is a Singaporean thing or a city thing. Modern tech these days have caused us to want things immediately (like no ads / skip intro netflix/ Disney). In the past we still have to suffer thru commercial whether we like it or not. Sending a WA, vs waiting by the coffee shop pay phone for a call.
   I think this feeds into our behaviour in wanting everything quickly. U can see it in younger children too, where they already have less patience control, some can berserk just waiting for Youtube ad to finish.
   Yes I do have colleagues who dream that they can be that special one to promote with one year of worth work. To them they think they are doing gods work but in reality the same tasks are performed equally well by lower ranked ones.
4. Hmmm not in my experience about the promotion. Most people and companies I know get promoted 2-3 years and the only person who expected a promotion less than one year tanked the 6 peoples workload and really deserved it and still got told “nobody gets promoted in their first year”
   As for relationship, in my experience people who want to confirm bf gf on the first date are either desperate OR they are not taking things seriously.
5. Seeing the amount of friends moving to insurance and property agents, probably yes, because a few sales and they get the money faster than the traditional career path. Which is abit skewed really as the smarter ones being doctors probably earn 1/2 of what these sales guys earn in the late 20s to 30s.

Why have kids when you are already struggling?

I’m not criticizing anyone who has kids or will have kids in poverty and I’m not trying to start a eugenics conversation, but I do notice the correlation between poverty and how many kids one has.

It’s not always the case, but I did see it growing up and I’m seeing it now, people having kids they simple cannot afford to.

My brothers and I were so traumatized by poverty growing up that none of us have kids and we’re barely making it.

Meanwhile my cousins are all having kids and are living with their parents and are barely making it! It honestly just seems insane to me that their legit repeating the same cycle we went through growing. Why do that to yourself or your child?

My cousin asking me for money or even a coworker asking for money for groceries, which I gave because they both have babies and kids are my weakness, but it just doesn’t make sense to me in the long run.

There are days where I can barely afford myself and I couldn’t imagine adding an expense of a child to this equation.

Why do this to yourself when you’re already struggling? Serious question. Not trying to offend anyone

Netizens’ comments

1. Having a baby is one of the only markers of adulthood some of these people will ever reach or see as achievable.
2. I don’t have kids myself, but that’s how most people I know who knew they couldn’t afford kids yet had them anyway seemed to end up with their kids. They weren’t planned/wanted.
3. Ill let you in on a little secret…. most kids are mistakes. Adults just wont tell you that but they can still love you.
4. I’ll bite. I was dirt poor when we had our daughter. She was unplanned, my birth control failed and my now husband had low fertility due to a injury when he was young. In a way it was take the pregnancy then or risk never having one as the financial cost of fertility assistance is prohibitive.
   she just turned 10 yesterday and it’s due to her motivating us we have climbed out of deep poverty.

I wish I had a sugar daddy because I’m so tired of my job

I took 3 days of leave and my employees somehow managed to turn my department into a pigsty. Everything’s a mess right now and I’m so fed up with it.

I don’t have a lead I could count on to help, and my bosses aren’t any help at all either. I’m making slightly above the average salary and it’s great I’m not cleaning up tables but in the grand scheme of things I’m still living paycheck to paycheck and I feel stuck and don’t know how to break free from this nightmare.

I just want to travel and do all the things these mostly jobless “daddy gave me money for this” people on TikTok do, and it’s making me wish I had a sugar daddy too despite the fact that I have too much self-respect to even try to get one.

Netizens’ comments

1. Straight male here.. I also wish I had a sugar daddy
2. Don’t believe everything you see on Tik Tok. You should just delete the app, it is not helping your mental health at all.
3. I frequently wonder how many women(and in some cases men) are unhappily in relationships, because one partners ability to provide, takes so much stress away from life.
4. Everyone is taking this so literally. Basically OP is tired of her lack of support at work in her limited absence (fair) where she works really hard for most of her life to not even make enough to enjoy it. This is all valid. That doesn’t mean she’s going to just get into a sugar daddy situation for the hell of it bc she saw it on tiktok.
5. Don’t believe social media BS…. they want you to believe they are living their best life but 99% are bs. Like people who run wealth growth seminars make their money from people attending. If they were truly wealthy and didn’t need it, they would do it for free
6. if you think a sugar daddy is best, that’s totally fine as long as both parties are aware that’s what’s happening. as a more reliable option tho i would advise finding a different job and making an amicable leap as soon as you can.