So I’ve been having a weird time with my bf. Over the past 6 months, I’ve been planning on stopping my bc. I’ve been on it for roughly 4.5 years (6 months for acne issues, 4 years being “active” with my bf). Ever since I stopped, he hasn’t been acting like himself.
I’ve been expressing my concerns to him over the past 6 months, and he has been supportive, but still would send me information and articles on how bc is effective in preventing pregnancies and doesn’t cause my weight gain. I did my research as well, and I am fully aware of the efficacy of bc in preventing pregnancies and how it doesn’t necessarily lead to weight gain, but it can increase appetite, making you eat more.
I started a workout routine in January, and I’ve been diligent in making sure I watch my diet and focus on cardio and strength training.
After 4 months and finding ways to improve my workouts to make them more effective, I experienced no weight loss, but weight gain again. He tried to explain it may be building muscle, which can be possible, but I should also be seeing changes during those 4 months (like toning my figure). I was originally 60kgs in January, but I ended up turning 70kgs in May during my OBGYN visit. Please note that I’m not doing any heavy lifting, I do minimal weight training with machines at the gym, and for most of my workouts I focus on cardio (treadmill, stairmaster, etc.)
I did express to him that I was also concerned about my mental health and drive; however, he never really questioned my mood and emotions. He tries to work things out with me like a supportive partner would, since the past few years have been rough for me. When I hit my lows, I really hit a dark place and feel it weigh on me. I also lose motivation quickly and have issues with getting up in the morning to start my day. Basically, my outlook on life was miserable.
In terms of my drive, he has stated in the past that I don’t initiate things sexually with him. I’m glad he was open with me, but I realized the cause of my low libido is bc, which can cause that. Sure, things are fine when we get into things, but I don’t always achieve orgasms, as he tries to pleasure me for what seems like forever (he has been successful in the past and knows what he’s doing, but I even have a difficult time masturbating too). Also, I feel like my bc can be contributing to my slight vaginismus that’s annoying to deal with during gyno exams and when we first initiate S.
Now, that I made the decision to come off bc, and find other forms like spermicides to use as extra protection during days I may be fertile, he has been acting funny about my decision. He explicitly told me it’s my body and he respects my decision… but I feel like he tried to persuade me to stay on bc and question my other methods. We’ve always used condoms, even while I was on bc, and he would pull out before cumming (with a condom on). Birth control has similar efficacy to condoms when used properly and correctly. He’s been diligent and checking condoms too for any breakage, but that has never happened as I have been properly lubricated during s.
I’ve been updating him on how I’ve been feeling since I stopped my bc this past weekend. I told him I noticed my diminished appetite, motivation for life (trying to succeed at work and really achieve weight loss at the gym), and a glimmer of hope for my s drive over feeling a bit horny after a steamy shower. At first, he didn’t respond to my changes, until I emphasize them again and then he recognizes them.
My bf expressed to me how he has an anxiety issue and stated he has always been anxious about me getting pregnant even if I was on bc. I have reassured him that I will be using my own methods to protect myself while he wears a condom (Phexxi, spermicide, tracking my cycle, taking my basal temp, checking my cervical mucous). I don’t know what else to do to make him feel comfortable. He avoided s with me this past weekend even if I still pleasured him (gave him a BJ). My period was also ending and he’s never been opposed to having period s with me… but he kept touching and kissing me before we went to bed and didn’t initiate s with me. He promised me that the next morning we’ll have s, but we never did. I was upset after that and he picked up on it and apologized and said we can try the weekend after.
So now, after reassuring him and doing something that will benefit our s life, now I feel lost and confused. He said I was dismissive about his concerns originally, but I explained to him that he always persuades me not to make a decision that will benefit me. I would like some sound advice. I try to be introspective on things I may be doing wrong. He has stated I have been dismissive and annoyed at him when he gives his input, but those reactions were in response to him persuading me on multiple occasions. So, I feel like he’s been dismissive shoving things in my face, not understanding how I truly feel, and noticing the changes post-bc. I appreciate the feedback. TIA.
