Is it reasonable for me to not want to get married soon?

We have been with each other for nearly 5 years. Knew each other since secondary school. We are both 23 this year and both just got our full time jobs.

My parents has been giving me the impression that I should get married soon but I feel like I am not ready yet.

Reason: I was down with cancer last year for approximately 8 months and was ‘finding myself’ for a few months after being cured. During this period, I did basically nothing, even my hobbies were at a stand still.

I want to take the next 1-2 years replacing the time I ‘lost’. Basically, my view is that if I were to get married soon, I would be in a proper commitment where I can’t do most of the things I want to right now, mainly buying a motorbike, as both would be a major financial commitment.

Don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend is the best in the world. Stuck by me through out my cancer journey, which I feel many people in this world would not do.

I just wanted to see the view of others as I can’t talk much about this to my co-workers as I don’t want them to know about my health history.

Netizens’ comments

1. I think the more important question is does your girlfriend want to get married? Have you guys discussed some form of timeline?
2. Since your gf is the best in the world and stuck with you throughout your cancer journey but you both want to save up first before marriage, I have a suggestion that would please your family and also move your relationship forward:
   It’s simple. You propose to your GF first. You don’t have to start planning your marriage straightaway. People can take 2-3 years after proposal to ROM and have the wedding ceremony. Once you proposed, your family will stop harassing you. Then your GF will also be assured that you want to marry her. If her family and friends ask, at least she got something concrete to show them that you want to marry her. I.e. the engagement ring.
   Lastly, if your GF is willing to stick with you throughout your cancer journey, don’t ever let her go man. There are WIVES out there who divorce their husbands the moment they have cancer or the moment there is a sign of trouble. Your GF is a real gem so treasure her. Don’t let a reason of “money not enough” stop you from marrying her. Money can always earn. A good GF/wife, only got one.
3. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I don’t think your gf would want to marry you if you’re not ready. It’s okay to give yourself a little time.
   It doesn’t matter whether you buy a bike now or later; you’re the same person with the same finances before or after. Your priorities could look a little different after marriage but with all due respect you should be thinking about your future priorities now if you’re already thinking of marriage.

My husband went on a trip with a group of guys and many of them cheated on their wives. I want to tell them but it would be obvious it was my husband who told me.

Like the title says. My husband went on a trip with a group of men. Many of these are friends of a mutual friend on the trip. He knew 3 of the guys before hand and met the rest on the trip.

They went to a place known for its red light districts (the place rhymes with bank talk). Had my husband not FaceTimed me while some of this stuff was happening, I don’t think I’d believe that he was innocent and didn’t participate.

Most of the men are married with kids and one has a long term gf. Of the group of men, my husband and one other guy were the only ones who didn’t take up the offer of girls from their ‘tour and security’ guy. That term is used loosely as he was also the guy offering them party favours and women.

My husband told me on the condition that he does not want something to come out later and he be implicated by association. He felt that I should know what was happening on this trip and he can’t risk our relationship.

He also said I cannot inform any of the wives and they would know it was him who broke the ‘bro code’. They all seemed so comfortable cheating on their spouses and he said it didn’t seem like it was their first time.

Someone we know very closely and wouldn’t imagine doing something like this also participated. He ended up cutting the trip short as well as he didn’t want to continue hanging out with some of these people.

I am so conflicted and hurt by these people. I will be seeing these wives and gf at events and some of them frequently – how can I NOT tell them?!

I feel as a woman, I would want to be informed. However, my husband said it is not our business as to what their marriages are like.

He told me that there is no way their wives don’t have an inkling. Before he went to this destination, we looked it up and i mentioned to my husband that because this is what people go there to do, I’m slightly uncomfortable and his assurance was that he would openly communicate with me and let me know everything that happened. Which he did. I don’t think he expected what happened on this trip either.

I just don’t know how to respect these people and continue being friends with them as well as not spilling the beans. If I am cold with them or don’t interact with them, they will know something is up as I’m usually bubbly and outgoing.

The only innocent people are my husbands friend (who is single) and his one other friend who abstained and hung out with my husband. However, it is upsetting that all of these men condoned and basically enabled each others behaviour – my husband included.

How do I move forward, I just really don’t know. It’s making me question if my morals align with my husband but I also know he is in a very tough spot.

I (18M) started dating and have been sleeping with an older woman (42F) lately. My best friend (18F) says I’m being taken advantage of but I don’t feel like I am?

It’s honestly just been an amazing experience. Like I still can’t believe it’s happening. I feel like the only downside is she might be setting the bar too high for all my future intimate experiences.

But my friend insists that she is a predator even though I’m legally an adult and she’s only ever known me as an adult.

I don’t know, I kind of just am enjoying myself but my friend is worried about me. Which I find kind of funny because I’m a 1.9m tall dude who is quite huge, I don’t see 1.6m tall, 40 year old women as threats.

Do you think she is overreacting here?

Netizens’ comments

1. You are an “adult” but 18 is still very young mentally and emotionally, and your libido is pretty much starting it’s peak. All to say you’re at the most susceptible time in your life to be blinded by your own lust. She may be taking advantage, she may not be.
   But tread carefully, be mindful of your emotions and any attachments that might arise and understand that what you’re experiencing here may not translate into future relationships.
2. On the flipside, if I’m being honest, 18/42 isn’t a great look and you being a legal adult doesn’t really mean much. if I were your friend, I’d at least be concerned about the context of your relationship with this person.
3. I think the things you should consider are : do you feel completely comfortable with the situation, does she have a history of dating people with a large age gap and what has happened with those previous relationships, and are you both looking for the same thing (just having fun and exploring, or commitment) Also do you feel the need to keep the relationship secret from those close to you?
4. If the genders were swapped this would be a very different comment section. That’s pretty concerning.

What is considered middle class in sg?

My parents told me a typical middle class family in sg in the 90s:

1. live in a 4/5 room HDB (but can’t afford anything more)
2. have 2 or 3 kids
3. can afford a japanese brand car (and again nothing more)
4. travels 1-2 times a year nearby asian countries for holidays for the whole family. If going anything further like Europe, aussie or japan, can do it once every 3-5 years
5. eats mostly at hawker centre/ coffee shop and occasionally at restaurants
6. almost never can afford branded stuff

Does this still apply today?

Netizens’ comments

1. Does not apply today for the following reasons:
   number of kids does not define the “class”, I know some in rented flat having 5-7 kids, and of course many now don’t have children
   car is not as “useful” as before since public transport is much more extensive now, not to mention sky-high COE
   Apple products are branded, most of us can afford at least a pair of Airpods, not to mention so many kids carrying iPhone, Macs
   Restaurants are not a big deal these days, there are budget ones where many family can go to at least once a week
   Personally I feel middle-class refers to those who can live rather rather comfortably (still with some stress), can survive without income for at least 3-6 months, may live in condo, don’t mind frequent hawker food, think twice/thrice when planning about vacations.
2. Middle class historically used to be the class where you have financial freedom and don’t really need to work to survive. Doctors and lawyers are typically included in this class. They are rich but not billionaire rich. Look at the uk. Previous uk pm Boris johnson and david cameron are worth millions of pounds in networth buy only considered upper middle class.
   Upper class includes the wealthy landowners and the aristocracy.
   The working class is where 95% of people used to belong to. If you have to work for a living, you are working class.
   But of course over the years the definition got twisted by politicians to make their electorate feel better. Now everyone is a middle class person.
3. Instead of lower/middle/upper class, I feel like the younger folks are now “economy” class:
   -BTO
   -0 or 1 kid
   -no car
   -travel at least once a year, be it Asia or Europe
   -hawkers, cafes, occasionally at restaurants
   -1 branded item
4. The ultimate flex of the 90s : being able to do all that on a SINGLE income.
5. I actually think this is more in between middle/upper middle.
   Middle class probably don’t have car but sometimes take taxi around.
   Travel 1 per year to Asian countries but unlikely to travel further.

I don’t do anything in my job and get paid 6 figures

My job is primarily engineering so me having a mechanical engineering degree or a computer science degree helped me get it.

Part of my job scope involves travelling on short notice to manufacturing plants overseas, but on off days when there’s nothing to do, I literally just sit at home and do nothing.

Most days I just watch Netflix or read a book. But I don’t know why they pay me this much. I feel terrible when a week goes by and I literally just sat at home and did nothing.

I wish my job was more exciting besides just traveling and waiting for things to do. Sometimes it seems like I’m on vacation a lot even though I do nothing and should be working.

I feel like my job isn’t intellectually stimulating but it has literally no stress. I understand some people want this job but I don’t really enjoy it.

Netizens’ comments

1. Sometimes companies don’t pay you for your labor, they pay you for your availability. You’re being compensated (at least partially) for the latter. Don’t feel guilty, when a recession or some other calamity hits, they will not feel anything laying you off.
2. Just remember that any of this can be lost at any moment so just be grateful you still have it and meanwhile just LIVE. Don’t waste time, enjoy while you can.
3. Find something you are passionate about and help non-profit or company that does it. I doubt they’ll have any issue, knowing that you may have to bounce at any given time.
4. Saw a post somewhere about ppl humble bragging about making 6 figures and doing nothing. You make a lot more than most of us here. Don’t take it for granted.
5. You can do things that are intellectually stimulating outside your job- it sounds like you would have time to ponder and think about them while you’re at your job. It also sounds like you could listen to educational (or any) podcasts while you’re working as well.
6. You can always give me your money if it makes you feel so bad, let me take the pain away from you.

Culture shock from SME to MNC

I didn’t know MNC has such a laid back culture, probably depends on team and manager as well but the 2 MNCs I’ve worked for (intern and full-time) has such a chill culture.

I came from a SME and the roles are more dynamic so I helped out in different departments when they need extra help. I was a one-man show and I handle project single-handedly from start to finish. I handle multiple products and multiple projects.

In my MNC, these things was really a surprise to me:

-work starts at 830am, people start strolling in at 9am then make coffee

-a team of 7 people doing the exact same work I did alone in the SME. Why do they even need so many people? Seriously too many ppl to taichi things around

-no one keeps track when you tap in tap out. People work half a day then go home and ‘wfh’

-a lot of wayang show. Cross-functional meetings, management meetings with little purpose and outcome.

Not that I’m complaining though. What are your culture shocks?

Netizens’ comments

1. MNC is like a big ship. It’s a team effort to slowly turn the ship (if it can even turn at all).
2. Is not mnc underwork, is sme overwork but that’s why u typically learn more with opportunities to cross function.
3. My culture shocks from having always worked in big organisations/MNCs vs hearing relatives or friends talk about their SME experiences, is how some SMEs seem to have questionable or less-than-professional ways of doing things.
   Simple things like careless wording in hiring contracts; or worse, no written contracts at all. There’s petty cash kept in a small box in the sole finance/HR/admin/project-manager’s drawer that almost anyone can help themselves to without proper accountability or documentation. Boss or boss’ family can use company money to buy vehicle for their own use or claim their family reunion dinner under company expenses. The list goes on. But the lack of red tape and flatter org structures in SMEs can also make things progress much faster than at MNCs, so less angst, shorter waiting times for approvals and fewer proposal amendments for the employees.
   My feel is that long-time SME workers may risk seeming like jacks of all trades (masters of none) and may come across as unfamiliar, even unsophisticated, in corporate language and the different levels of office politicking in big orgs. While long-time MNC/big org staff risk overspecialising in a silo and not knowing how to do almost everything else. Like may not know how to use the printer/photocopier, never booked their own flight tickets & accom nor submitted expenses on their own, don’t know how to independently source for answers to certain problems in fields outside of their scope, etc.

Infidelity, the act of being unfaithful to one’s spouse, is a distressing and deeply complicated issue that has plagued relationships throughout history. While it is by no means limited to married individuals, the question of why married people cheat on their spouses remains a topic of great interest and concern. Understanding the underlying reasons behind this behavior can shed light on the complex psychology of human relationships.

1. Unmet Emotional Needs

One significant reason why married individuals may turn to infidelity is the presence of unmet emotional needs within their marriage. At the beginning of a relationship, the emotional connection between partners is often strong and intense. However, as relationships evolve over time, partners may experience changes in their emotional connections. If spouses fail to communicate effectively or address emotional gaps, they may seek solace and validation outside of their marriage, leading to emotional affairs or physical infidelity.

Unmet emotional needs can manifest in various ways. A partner may feel neglected, unheard, or emotionally distant from their spouse, causing them to seek emotional support and understanding from someone else. In such cases, the person engaging in infidelity may not be looking for a physical relationship, but rather an emotional connection that they feel is lacking within their marriage.

2. Lack of Intimacy

Intimacy is a vital component of a healthy marriage, encompassing both physical and emotional closeness. However, over time, some couples may experience a decline in physical intimacy due to various reasons such as work stress, health issues, or changes in priorities. A lack of intimacy in a marriage can create feelings of loneliness, rejection, and dissatisfaction, driving some individuals to seek intimacy and physical connection elsewhere.

The desire for physical closeness and validation is a fundamental human need, and when it is unmet within a marriage, some individuals may look for fulfillment outside the relationship. Seeking intimacy outside of marriage can provide a temporary escape from the emotional void and reignite feelings of desirability and attractiveness.

3. Desire for Novelty and Excitement

The monotony and routine of long-term relationships can sometimes lead to a desire for novelty and excitement. While the stability and comfort of a long-term partnership can be fulfilling, some individuals may crave the thrill of something new and different. Engaging in an affair may provide a temporary escape from the familiar, offering a sense of thrill and adventure that has been lacking in the marriage.

This desire for novelty can be exacerbated by societal influences, such as the glorification of affairs in media and the normalization of casual encounters. The ease of connecting with others through social media and dating apps also creates opportunities for individuals to seek excitement outside of their marriage.

4. Low Self-Esteem and Validation

Individuals with low self-esteem may seek validation and a sense of desirability through extramarital affairs. Low self-esteem can stem from various sources, such as past trauma, childhood experiences, or negative feedback from the spouse. Attention and admiration from someone outside the marriage can temporarily boost the cheater’s self-esteem, offering a sense of worth and attractiveness they may not feel within their marriage.

Moreover, individuals who have experienced feelings of inadequacy or rejection in their marriage may seek validation and affirmation from others as a way to cope with their insecurities. The external validation they receive from an affair partner can create a sense of empowerment and confidence, providing a temporary escape from their self-doubts.

5. Revenge and Retaliation

In some cases, infidelity may be driven by a desire for revenge or retaliation. If a person feels betrayed, hurt, or emotionally wounded by their spouse’s actions, they may resort to cheating as a way to level the playing field or gain a sense of justice. This form of infidelity is often emotionally charged and can further escalate the conflicts within the marriage.

6. Opportunity and Circumstance

Infidelity can also occur due to opportunity and circumstance. When individuals find themselves in situations where temptation is high and consequences seem distant, they may be more likely to engage in cheating. For example, frequent business trips, social gatherings, or online interactions can create opportunities for individuals to be unfaithful without immediate repercussions.