I am not angry, just upset with the dynamics between me and my mum and idk how to make things better.

My mum rarely asks about my day or what I do. When I initiate to tell her stuff, she starts talking about herself or my siblings. When this happens I stop talking. Not because I’m upset but because I have no idea if my own mother is interested in me. I don’t want to keep talking if she is not interested. It’s fine. I can share those stories with my friends, even though she is my mum and I want her to know something about me. She knows nothing about me beyond 7 years old.

I don’t blame her. Personally I feel having three kids is too much for her to handle. She is occupied with my older sister and my younger sis who are more accomplished. She simply doesn’t have any spare attention or energy for me. Not that she doesn’t want to.

Sigh. Not interested in me? Fine. But it’s annoying when she starts saying things about me that are not true. For instance, telling her friends that I don’t eat a certain food. Fuck bitch. I have been eating that in front of you my whole life. You just haven’t been paying attention.

Sometimes i think that maybe I would be happier without my family. The lack of connection breaks my heart more than anything.

Anyone in a similar situation? How to make things better? As time goes by, my family becomes the last perosn I tell anything to. It’s sad. I cannot express how lonely I feel. I know my family loves me but there is no understanding and no connection. No one knows anything about me at home. They remember nothing even if I told them. Being busy is one thing but if you don’t ask and don’t remember shit then that is just messed up. Also, I am always the last perosn to know things at home. They discuss with each other at their own time and one notices that I’m not being told. I don’t think it’s intentional. It’s prolly just that there are too many people (?) . I’m married with kids. I told my husband that if we want kids, it must be even number.

How?

Here are what netizens think:

• I can relate to this. You can’t choose this family and you can’t choose your connection with them. If they don’t vibe with you then you can’t help it. It takes two hands to clap. BUT you can choose to make your own family. So go out there make friends and make your own family outside. The ones you can choose. 

• Not all people are great communicators. Some people are just not comfortable in direct engagement about each other but chose to talk about 3rd parties to seek a common ground. She probably does the same to your others sisters without you knowing. Why not initiate a trip with just you and your mum? Is never too late to rebuild your relationship with your mum.

• When a mum has too many kids, they will definitely show favouritism. Until today, the current era’s parents are still behaving like that. Part of the personality. Just get busy with ur own life~~

• Just wanna say that there are parents who inadvertently practise favouritism and unfortunately, it seems ur mum does that. I think if their love for u or lack thereof is not the kind of love you need, just cut time spent on them n channel the time to more deserving people like ur husband, BFFs or the family you will create. As for even number or not for number of kids, even if u have two kids, you can still practise gross favouritism towards one. It’s not the number of kids that matter, it’s you. I hve 4 kids myself n can safely say that I love my kids equitably. I love them in age appropriate and different ways, ways that they need to be loved, so it may or may not seem equal to others, but it is equal to my kids (asked them before)

I am in a rather new relationship , just a couple of months in , but we are often get into arguments almost every week. I think the issue is that i’m a more laid back person and my partner is super sensitive.

Our arguments always stem from my partner being angry at me for doing something wrong. Examples include like not saying goodnight, lack of emojis in our texts, all in all things that i have never thought would be a big deal. Worst thing is that when my partner gets angry , my partner would go silent on me for a couple of days without resolving the problem , and those few days are very agonizing for me.

I feel like i often refrain from expressing myself freely in hopes to not accidentally offend my partner , my friends and family mentioned that my partner might be on the more childish side, but my partner is older than me.

We are currently in the midst of an argument now and the silence from my partner is making me suffer.

What should i do ?

Here are what netizens think:

• Run! Run as far away as you can!

• Stay and hold on, this is good level of toxicity.. If you quit someone else has to carry the burden. Hold on till you change, hold till you get addicted to the toxicity, what doesn’t kill you changes you.. Serve your new master forever… good goooooooood Gooooooooooooooood!!!

• Dating phase like this, imagine getting married. What a painful way to live. Love is not so torturous one when you’re with the right person. You don’t need to be told what to do, you know exactly what can be done. Either change how you 2 argue, or change partner. And age got nothing to do with wisdom.

• i just think u need a partner who lets you know what they need. although it’s a mood kill. however, sometimes you know what the other party wants even without asking. that’s when u know it’s meant to be. it’s probably something that only happens in movies but after a few relationships…u might actually meet your soul mate, who knows

Dear Admin, please post this, as I really need an advice urgently.

Hi all, I have a big question regarding my decision to file it to the executive director or HR of my company, hence I need some suggestions from you guys. I’m a biomedical science researcher and have completed a BSc, a MSc, and a PhD in a local autonomous uni, and had 2 years of work experience. I had very little issues with my previous bosses, and I was even offered a new contract, which I rejected due to my pursuit of my PhD.

Never have I ever expect myself to fail a job probation, ever! Unfortunately, a few days ago my boss told me that I couldn’t meet his expectations, and hence he won’t let me pass my probation. Honestly speaking, as a scientist, I’ve done whatever he asked, and in fact I actually did more than what he expected, like trying out new solutions, thinking of new projects, troubleshooting, etc. I’ve also never once failed to update him whenever he asked for results. Hence, I honestly think this is an extremely unfair treatment to me, and I would like to file a complaint to the HR or executive director of my company.

The way I record my experimental results was one of his reasons to not pass my probation Since the day I joined, I have been doing all data recording based on my own format using powerpoint, excel, and word, which my previous bosses had no problem with at all. However, I was in a big shock when he only told me that my format doesn’t meet his preference at all after 4 freaking months, and demanded me to redo all my data recording according to his ridiculously strict formatting, which certainly takes plenty of time to do, considering the large amount of data accumulated over the past 4 months. I did try my best to do, but bear in mind that his format is ridiculously specific, and it’s not even meant for publication, presentation, conferences, seminars, these results are merely just to show him what I’ve done. Since then, every week he would approach me to complain about very minor issues here and there, and I did tell him that I’m trying my best, and on top of that, I still have to fulfull other duties at work. Imagine having to organize my data in all powerpoint, word, and excel files that I’ve accumulated for 4 months, it really wasn’t easy to do all within a short period of time. If he wasn’t satisfied with the way I record my data, shouldn’t he have told me from the start, instead of telling me after 4 freaking months?

Second was his bad science. I believe the reason why he hired me is due to my experience and expertise in this particular research field, but he refused to take my suggestions/advice positively. I have friends working in big pharma who are experts in this field and I’ve actually consulted them to discuss my ideas before I suggested them to my boss, but my boss always thinks he is right, and doesn’t give me the chance to suggest or execute my ideas as a scientist. To me, as a phd level scientist, I strongly think I should be given the freedom to come out with my own ideas and discuss with him, and be less micromanaged, but his style is totally opposite, where he plans everything on his own without discussing with me, and I can only do as he asked, which really makes me feel as if I’m just a research assistant rather than a postdoc/research fellow.

There was also once where something in our project plan actually went wrong, and he put the blame on me, though it was 100% his fault. All these while I have been trying my best to get the results out as soon as possible, but he asked me to do something else rather than focusing on my experiments, so when the results weren’t out on time, he blamed me for not being to deliver my results as scheduled.

There were also a few things that he asked me to do, and I did as he said, but during the confrontation with him, he said he asked me to do these stuff but I didn’t deliver. I then listed out the tasks that I actually did as he told, and he just brushed it off by saying “it’s okay, I’ve already made my decision anyway”.

What stunt me the most is that I soon found out that he is actually running out of funding as his grant application has failed, and the lab funding was worsened after the institute decided to cut funding, so in order to keep the lab going, he has to cut cost by laying off staff. Since I’m still on probation, he can actually leverage my probation to kick me out, just by simply saying that I can’t meet his expectations, which is actually not true.

What should I do? Should I just let him terminate me? Should I resign? Or should I file a complain to the company’s HR or director?

Thanks.

I chanced upon your confession from 21 March 2021 regarding the pick-up culture of girls in Singapore. This surprised me. I did not know someone had asked this online before.

I hope you read this, despite being 2 years late.

You wrote: “How is it still possible for guys who have lost faith in online dating to stand a chance to meet interesting girls that they randomly come across on the street? Or is it really a social stigma in Sg that random guy approaching a girl on the MRT is deemed a creep? Are there any effective solutions to this?”

You have met someone, mid-20s, who has done a good degree of all of that for 2 years now. Working at it for the past 2 years (since 2021) until today, and still pressing on.

My personal story cut very short is that I was persistently rejected by girls during compulsory education years, and short-changed of genuine interactions when signing up for Events. Problem with Events is that you cannot pick / choose who you pair with. Certain people there can socially judge you negatively for being some despo (and hungry) who just want to pick/date girls.

They make you feel bad for something you were genuinely shortchanged and then benchmark u as a social creep. These are toxic, socially over-privileged who don’t know what’s like to not have natural social advantage.

In other cases, signing for events/dating-events/CCAs do not guarantee your gender-balance and you end up wasting precious time trying to fit-into group decorum to which you never really signed up for.

I personally felt I was running out of years to get valuable practice and bucket list feelings/desires of just flirting and being playful around the opposite-gender in general.

You would have side-tangent your main purpose – which is to practice approaching girls of your desire, try to get them feeling comfortable around you and see if they’re willing to stay in contact thereafter.

I decided to take things into my own hands and cut-away all of that unnecessary social-off-tangent. Those social settings dont work for me. Perhaps its coz I have my own line of thinking. I wanted for myself, a free space to test and explore my own thinking and what I really wanted to experience during my general interactions with girls.

I also wanted to stress-test what I could achieve, express and adjust when I interacted with girls. And find how exactly, I can reduce the likelihood of creeping them out over the course of my Work. And to also spend time reflecting on what kind of girls I need to let go – despite me trying and failing at hitting on them.

I never regretted. I had full autonomy on the exact type and looks of girls I caught-eye and wanted to hit on. This basic feeling should not be taken for granted.

The past 2 years consisted of me falling back on dormant legacy personality traits from young. For me, I had this thing about words and writing. Hence, I wrote cards of general message/encouragement and use it as a leverage to give it to a girl of my choice. You could append your number behind, or just a handle if you weren’t keen enough to be so open. You can take creative direction and just adjust what you wanna say based on the season or place you are going to visit. Possibilities are endless and you feel real good just expressing yourself.

I tried many things. From just merely giving and not talking. To the more recent years of relying less on my card and really just speaking to test water. When my confidence grew, I allocated greater emotional strategy to Exit away from girls who replied to me in a very ignorant manner. Coz – abundance mindset.

For the good girls I experienced and successfully gave my card. You ofc hope they get back to you. However, whether a conversation does hold thru – still mirrors what you recounted. yourself.

From that point on, I opened my own exploring on what works, what doesn’t work and most importantly – what lasts as a good impression.

This act on girls and cards also tested me regarding all various ways, permutation and setting I can best approach them. At times, making mistakes, feeling nervous and consequently creeping them out were inevitable. Nevertheless, thru the bad emotions I felt, I pressed on somehow to just find another way to do it – to also let go and self-talk against past emotional baggage that remind me that “I’m creepy/despo to do all this.”

I encourage you to go out and try pick up girls in your best self in public places. You have to start somewhere and see which parts of your own personality are best tapped on when you vibe off to a girl you eye candied. You also get this priceless benefit to explore all these bucket-list excitements, emotions and flirt-desires before you really get too old to regret not doing them.

Its good to have your fill of these very impulsive stuff instead of answering society norm to “feel to clean and decent in front of all girls in the Universe – that approaching/pursuing girls you don’t know is condemned upon”.

The micro-thrills of some girl you hit on through your own effort – replying to your number, Tele or IG DM or beaming at your flirts/thoughtfulness etc – is priceless to experience. An important bucket list to experience enough of before you get too old to look appropriate for the Acts.

Find “yourself” whilst you look around outside. You have your own type and age range of girls. Take ownership and don’t feel bad for having such a preference. So long as you stay respectful and genuine. Have nothing to hide.

I am personally still kicking my bucket list to talk up school girls/students as much as I can – if such suitable opportunities arise. It feels good to be young again.

The self-discovery journey is not guaranteed to be easy. I had my very testing and emotional moments in earlier periods of missing girls, lacking confidence, getting affected by social reminders and at worse cases, creeping girls out because they could already sense I’m present even before I do anything.

Advice for you – creeping girls out will be inevitable. Keep telling yourself that no guy is socially pitch-perfect to creep 0 girls in his entire life. Don’t listen to any white-knighted guy who socially reminds you about (sexual) harassment and fear of accusation, and then links back to how “you need to be a decent guy.”

These are people who gaslight what you truly want in your social energy and its your right to explore as much of it. Just know when to let go of some girl if she just looks at you so revoltingly.

Think statistically on “Creep Rate”. You can’t impress everyone. What you can best do is to work on confidence and timing such that you can REDUCE the likelihood of creepiness by making approaches as seamless, natural and clean (minimal hesitation) as possible. It will take time. You will not master it overnight. Neither does it stay consistent from girl to girl because you also may be sensitive and conscious about her unspoken vibe.

Once you have enough experience of picking-up girls. You will come to feel good that you have your own reserve and abundance of experiences to look back on. You will come to realise how some girls were just plain bs to hit on. Perhaps it was just looks and shallowness (and prob some lust) you approached them.

On the contrary – you may feel surprised to reflect on the other set of girls who left a good, sweet, gracious and decent impression on you – even if you didn’t eventually get to date them and have since fallen out of conversation. It will guide you better on what exactly you are looking for in your ideal girl.

For me, I sort of had my rough image of that girl. My experiences have been slowly helping me confirm most of such vibes and features as what really counts. Very recently, I had personal encounters with (6-7)/10 girls (on looks) but proud of myself to have advanced on them because of their (8-9)/10 personality.

Sometimes also due to age gap, these girls are still maturing in look – but personality 100. I believe that they have potential to become even prettier in later years.

There is also a risk that some girl’s boyfriend will reply you/confront you online regarding “picking-up” their girlfriend in the public place. You will need to know how to deal with it.

(1) pick your battles. You do not need to reply every boyfriend who messages you back. Some of these boyfriends may just be insecure pussy who just dont trust their girlfriend enough that she will be easily swayed to you.

(2) If you choose to reply that boyfriend, just tell them what you are doing and looking for. You got nothing to hide. But no need to be too nice. You dont owe them an apology. You hit on a girl (back then) to which you got no reason to believe she is attached. All you only did is just talk her up and give her your card. At most – just say sorry if the gf felt creeped out.

Different strokes work for different timings/environments. Not every setting you can afford talking a girl up. Sometimes, its just better to approach, say your small piece, give her your card and then walk away. Other times, it is better to spend time small talking her up or at least, just confessing your feelings and outright asking for her number.

You own your adjustments and flexibility. Versatility is all on you. There is so much more experience I could share with you but – it would be very lengthy.

For now, please just know that you got someone here supporting you in finding your true happiness, albeit it being socially deviant. Throw those peer pressure advice out the window! Listen to yourself.

Don’t regret not doing enough when you are older and when your age is really way above that your own conscience cannot take it.

All the best!

Appalled by youngsters’ moral values

Overhead a loud and excited conversation between 2 young ladies at a cafe. Both are in their mid to late twenties.

Lady 1 shared that she always cheat on her partners because “they will cheat on her anyway”, so she might as well cheat first to minimise her heart break. She also mentioned that having one night stands is a common thing for her.

Upon hearing this, Lady 2 was obviously impressed and her eyes were filled with admiration. She even asked Lady 1 to share tips on how to find one night stands.

I am a straight man in my mid-thirties and I find it hard to stomach this. Is this a norm for young women these days?

Here are what netizens think:

• Which cafe is this? Asking for my friend

• Every generation has people with such lack of moral values. Even the Bible mentions such people. Anyway, if we are not their friends or loved ones, why bother about what they do? We can only do our best to be the better kind of people to our friends and loved ones and people who cross our paths. If we have children or students, we try our best to guide them to the right path.

• I think I should break to you gently that this has always been happening. Just that you didn’t know before. May your luck change for the better.

• They could be bragging to each other. How would you know if they are telling the truth?

• The thing that people always say, since it is going to be like that, I will do the same too.Have they ever thought about there are also people who are at the other side of the spectrum that has nothing to talk about? Because it may seem like humble bragging or show offs? Whether if they are very happy, or parents always buy they what they want or they have good results without studying, or they have really good relationships?Just because some men you know cheats, doesn’t mean everyone cheats. Or wealthy family with children confirm fights after parents death. No what. It is just because those stories are juicier. Who wants to read rich parents die, children live happily ever after, or majority of the men don’t cheat? What’s there to talk about?

What should I do repay this?

My situation is quite complicated. I have family ties back in my home country, where my parents currently reside. They generously spent a significant amount of money, approximately 120K, to fund my education. Additionally, a few years ago, I purchased a house for them to live in and they spent 150K on its renovation. Unfortunately, my relationship with my mother has deteriorated over the past year due to favoritism issues.

Whenever we attempt to discuss unrelated matters, my mother consistently brings up the fact that she used her retirement savings to cover the expenses totaling 120K+150K, emphasizing that she hasn’t spent a single cent on herself. This repetitive talk has become exhausting, and I have finally reached a decision today: I want to repay this sum to break free from this endless cycle.

However, the reality is that it will take me several years to accumulate the necessary funds to repay the 120K+150K. The concern is that my parents may not live long enough to witness this repayment. Hence, I’m contemplating whether it would be wise to take out a loan to repay my mother, and shoulder the burden of the monthly installments myself.

I would greatly appreciate any advice you might have to offer. It’s important to note that, for the time being, engaging in a conversation with my mother to mend our relationship seems impossible.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s not about the money. It’s about the relationship with your mum. Your mum is harping about the money because of the sour relationship, in other words, it’s never about the money. Even after you repay the full sum, you will still be branded as an ungrateful son. Problems that cannot be solved by money is the worse because it’ll never end. Nonetheless, try to talk to your mom n improve the relationship if you can. Else take up loan or play the pitiful card.

• Failed Maths ar. What you owe is 120k minus purchase price of house. If this amount is zero or less than zero, then you have settled your debts. This type of people no need to repay more because even after you have, they will find other things to charge you, like cost of food you consumed, clothes, rent, her pregnancy, delivery, etc. Been there done that. The issue is not money but that she doesn’t like you and will continue to find fault and gaslight you. Education is a parent’s responsibility to their children. You don’t owe them for that. It was their decision to give birth to you, so it’s their responsibility to raise you. She is toxic and not a good parent. Just stay away or limit contact.

• TBH, do you know what exactly your mum wants? From your sentence “emphasising that she hasn’t spent a single cent on herself” says little. Did she explicitly ask you to return the full amount? Or is she just reminding you that you should at least repay her in some way because you have yet done so (not sure what’s the arrangement/agreement for the house). And even if you give her back the $270k now, is she going to use it all? I doubt so. Giving her monthly should be sufficient. Or who knows, your mother is rich enough to not require the $270k, maybe she is just trying to imply something else.

Argument with grab driver

I stay in a landed enclave. Recently took a grab and according to GPS, the journey home will take about 30min.

However, I know a shortcut. This shortcut will make the journey significantly shorter, from 30min to maybe a 20min journey. This shortcut is an unofficial, small road. You gotta be extremely familiar with the area to know it. So I instructed the driver to take a certain road, make certain turns.

Driver raged at me. Complained that I paid so little money so can’t demand I take certain routes. Ok lo, I kept quiet.

Gave him a 1 star coz of the raging and him wasting extra 10min of my time.

Here are what netizens think:

• Just let the driver do his things and don’t micro manage. Either way, you already paid as per the standard trip / KM . Just sit back and enjoy the ride. If you so familiar then drive yourself lo.

• They will and ordered to ride on the appointed route by gps. They are not like old school cabbies which is based on fastest method works best. If they deviate , then they kena complaint. U preferred route is good for u . What if a driver say he have a short cut and do it that way, and u complaint is longer and cheat u. Thus is always he think he is right and u think ur are right. The system enforce routes and follow this no one can fault anyone if route is followed as per gps. Thus I wouldn’t say the driver is at fault . It is just that u dun get what u want and u made a fuss. Same as if u go to a restaurant and their steak is must do one style and say medium well. And then u demand ur way say rare. And they come out as medium well . U gave them a lousy rating .

• Omg, what basis you gave him 1? His job is to send you to your place, not to follow your instructions.The route is always shown when you booked the ride.So entitled OP! Learn to be kind to people & let them do their job with peace.

• You ever thought the way u gave 1 to a driver that needs to put bread  on the table for family, you dont cb la… whats the shortcut that can save how many mins for u to reach home? U urgent ah… or u want highlight to us u stay landed.

• Did you tell him that the route is a short cut? Or you just start directing him like he’s your chauffeur?

Seeking Advice: Balancing Love and Career in a Foreign Land

Dilemma: Career Growth vs. Fading Relationship

Hey everyone! I find myself at a crossroads, and I’m in desperate need of some words of wisdom and guidance. Nine months ago, I took a leap of faith, leaving behind everything I held dear to pursue my dreams of career growth in the vibrant city of Singapore.

Leaving my cherished friends, family, and my incredible girlfriend of four years behind was undoubtedly one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made. Unfortunately, the strain of a long-distance relationship has begun to take its toll, and my once strong connection with my girlfriend is starting to fade. LDR has proven to be quite challenging for her.

Now, I’m faced with a heart-wrenching choice: Do I prioritize the future—financial stability, career growth, and the promises of a better life—or do I listen to my aching heart and return home, sacrificing the job I worked so hard to secure?

Please understand, dear friends, that this decision isn’t solely about my happiness. It’s a delicate balance between chasing a promising future and preserving a love that I hold dear. I genuinely believe that by being here, I can create a solid foundation for both of us, ensuring a brighter and more fulfilling future together. But is it worth the risk? Can love truly withstand the test of distance and time?

I’m calling out to all you wonderful souls out there to share your experiences, insights, and advice. Have you ever faced a similar dilemma? How did you navigate the treacherous waters of love and ambition? Do you believe in sacrificing the present for a brighter future, or do you think it’s crucial to prioritize the warmth of love in the here and now? Your stories and wisdom are invaluable to me, and any input would be sincerely appreciated.