How often should we visit parents after marriage/child

Currently meeting both sides weekly (my side lunch, in-law dinner). Each session is about 2h over lunch/dinner.

Recently, in-law commented to husband that she felt that we are treating her side like a restaurant, and that we are not spending enough time. Since we are expecting a child soon, she also foresee that the time spent with her would be lesser. During the process, my husband mentioned that she was almost in tears, so I’m sure it is a very important and difficult point for her to bring up as well.

Regardless, I still feel that our visiting rates are acceptable. In the past, we will try to extend the stay via mahjong sessions as well but I’m really tired nowadays (late third trimester).

I can understand her concern over reduced visiting for the first few months after giving birth as well, but I thought it is reasonable to not let the baby out too much for the first 6m to reduce sickness/ logistics of moving about.

I’m personally ok if they choose to visit us instead, but in-law did mention that she does not feel OK with our cats (fyi, our cats are shy are don’t deal well with strangers and will hide in our bedroom when there are visitors).

Would be great if anyone can help to provide alternative solutions.

(FYI, I have previously discussed w husband if he would like to go back to his place for dinner during one of the weekdays for dinner as well so that his parents can spend more time with their son but he is not keen as he is also tired after a day of work).

Netizens’ comments

1. Call/Video-call or text your in-laws more often, and get your husband to pacify his mom to help her get over her empty nest syndrome. Your priority should be your pregnancy and building your own family.
2. If that’s the best you can do that’s the best you can do. Any more than weekly is alot cos we’re all tired after work plus you’re pregnant.
3. Your thought process is very reasonable, as are your reasons for not wanting to stay for longer hours on a Sunday.
   Your husband should manage his own mother’s expectations, and also try on his part to do a bit more to strike a compromise. Maybe one weekday dinner on alternate weeks? Even if he’s tired, he also needs to eat dinner right?

My(43m) GF(36f) asked to open the relationship, and i just pointed her to the door.

So, like the title says, My(43m) GF(36f) asked that we open the relationship, and i just pointed her to the door. it was too much?I strongly believe that in a monogamous relationship when someone ask to open it, well is because that person saw something else out there and is ready to try it instead of working in the relationship. Basically is blindsiding his/her partner.

So i have being with Fran (36) over the last two years and a half, almost two as a couple. I thought that things were moving smoothly and was about to ask her to move in (At the begining of April), But lately she was acting rather distant.

So i decided to wait a little and watch. (i was cheated on the past, so i’m a little cautious with some signs)

Out of nowhere this last friday she asked me to open the relationship, she gave me all her big speech, and when she ended her “presentation” i asked her if she has someone in mind, because is not like we decided to day and basically going out with other persons tomorrow

basically i trick her into telling me what i already knew, and yes she has someone in mind, which means to me, that either she already did it or she has all set up.

So i got up, walk around the apartment while she was trying to sell that this could be good for both us and our relationship, by the time she ended talking i hand her one of my sportbags with all her stuff in it, and tell her to left the spare key over the table on her way out, that we are done and she knows why.

Then i went and turn on the TV, just trying to look indifferent and save face, she was speechless for a while, about to cry, but before she couldn’t say something, i tell her that i didn’t wanna talk about anything and she should leave.

As soon as she left, i felt like crap, so unworthy, cried a little and as right now i’m still mourning.

My phone has gone almost nuclear with all the calls and text i received from friends of both sides about my extreme reaction over her “simple” request. Don’t know what she told them.

So now i’m sitting wondering if i really went overboard and at the same time fighting the urge to run back to her, because deep inside even knowing my feelings for her are still there, the trust is gone and i’m not gonna spend all my time watching her movements, is not healthy, may be in time, really don´t know.

Before anyone pointed out, yes i know, my reaction is pure reflection of me, not what she did or was about to do, or could do.

so, did i went overboard?

Most effort you’ve made to impress your date

When i was in secondary school i went to watch a movie at the princess cinema at bedok interchange (yah i old lah) with a girl i had a big crush on.

Step hero, asked if I could hold her hand and she said ok. scoreeee. 5 minutes later i felt the urge to poop like never before. i’m talking about food poisoning level of having to crap.

but throw face to go poop on first date right? bro i think i burnt 5000 calories sitting in that theater using every bit of energy to try to exercise some control over my sphincter. HIIT ain’t nothing compared to.. how bad i had to poop. longest movie ever.

the type of stomach ache i had, at this age, i’d poop myself if i don’t find a toilet within 2 minutes, and 2 minutes is being ambitious. i don’t know how i did it but i sat through the movie (ha), and even walked her to her bus stop.

as soon as she got on the bus i shuffled (can’t walk normal strides with this inquisitive turd wanting to come out and check out what’s going on) to the closest toilet – for me this part is the ultimate sacrifice and biggest sacrifice I ended up having to do as part of a date – i shat at the toilet at BEDOK INTERCHANGE HAWKER CENTER CENTER TOILET CIRCA 2002 (aka the worst toilet in the world).

you think Nirvana was grunge? bruh, you go poop at bedok interchange hawker center in the early 90s–2000’s. that’s grunge, singapore style. paid 10 cents for this luxury summore. btw why are the toilets that you have to pay for always so rabak?

anyway fast forward – we’ve been together for 18 years now, married for 5 years. i guess it paid off. now can walked into a bathroom while she’s doing her make up, looked her in the eye and casually take a dump.

Netizens’ comments

1. LOL can relate. My first date with my wife was like this. Had a real bad stomachache but it felt like it was gonna be a long one at pearl harbour so I didn’t want the awkward wait, and the chemistry was really good, so I just tahan through the dinner and the after dinner chat (till restaurant closing time) and walked her to her bus stop. The moment she got on the bus I just made a beeline straight to the Aperia toilet.
   Apparently she liked me but thought that there was no second date because I seemed a bit nonchalant at the end of the date, but nah girl, I just reaaaally needed to poop.
2. Back when girls could still be sent off at bus stops lol. Now no send home by car or grab, no talk.
   I don’t know how you guys could tahan and act normal with such an intense stomachache.
   Your face would have been blue and you wouldnt even have been able to make conversation, LOL

My (25f) BF (29f) wouldn’t marry me after 8 years together so I left.

My ex boyfriend “Rick” and I got together when I was 18. We’ve grown so much together as people, figured out our life plans together, we even planned to have children in the next couple of years.

However one of my boundaries was marriage before 8 years. Why? Because if you don’t want to marry someone after being together for that long then why stay together at all?.

Rick and I have built a life together. He makes six figures in the tech industry and owns his own consultancy company, I own my own business and work in marketing. Everything has been good but despite being financially stable, emotionally developed people, Rick wouldn’t marry me.

I asked him for months if it was something I had done. Did he find me unattractive now?. He said no, just not yet. I reminded him of my boundary and he told me he was aware.

Well last month was my birthday. 25 and still not married. I made the tough decision of leaving after Rick tried to pretend that my birthday was a happy day and pretended to be confused on why I was upset.

I’ve been in therapy but is there anything else I can do to get over this man and how he strung me along for years and wasted some of the best years of my life?.

Netizens’ comments

1. You’re only 25….you have many good years ahead of you
2. If you think the best years of your life are happening now, or happened already, you’re mistaken. I promise you your life has barely begun at 25.
   I understand being frustrated that you’ve wasted 8 years on someone who won’t commit. It’s healthy to have a boundary like that and hold firmly to it.
   There are so many great things waiting for you in life and you have decades to experience them all.
3. I wouldn’t say he strung you along and wasted the best years of your life. He told you that he didn’t want to get married yet, you set the (very reasonable) ultimatum of 8 years and left when he still wasn’t ready. Rather than view this as him wasting your life, look back on your relationship for what it was. And focus your energy on your plans for the future, what you want and how you will get it. You are only 25. You have plenty of ‘best years of your life’ left.

My boyfriend (27m) smashed my foundation to prove that ‘I (20f) am beautiful without it’. What should I do?

My boyfriend has always made comments about how I don’t need makeup, and how don’t need to cover up my face. I’ve always taken it as a compliment, but I still wear makeup every day.

Yesterday, while I was prepping my face to apply makeup, my boyfriend suddenly came up behind me and threw my foundation bottle onto the floor.

It smashed everywhere, including on me and I screamed. Mostly because I was so shocked and confused.

My boyfriend seemed a bit regretful, and told me he had done it to show me how I don’t need makeup at all. I didn’t know what to say. I was literally stunned and even a bit scared. I left the room without saying anything.

I really don’t know how to feel. Obviously it was a bad idea for him to do it. It was dior foundation so it cost a lot. But I really can’t decide whether it came from a good place. Was it a misguided attempt to show me he loved me? Or was he just backtracking after making a mistake?

I’m really not sure how I should feel. I’m not sure if I’m overacting. It’s not like he threw it at my head or something. But it does feel off.

What should I do from here?

Netizens’ comments

1. Actions like that do not come from a good place. He thinks you shouldn’t wear makeup, so he fixed it where you couldn’t for that day. I’d hate to see what he would do if you bought another bottle or if you insist that he buy you another bottle. I don’t think he is someone you should trust. Cut him loose and walk away.
2. My foundation is like $65 i would be SO. INCREDIBLY. PISSED. Between your age and his im concerned. Biiiiiig controlling red flag.
3. Tell him to buy a new one to replace the one he smashed.

Okay, so I met this beautiful, attractive woman in her late 30s two years ago. I was 29 and haven’t been in a long-term relationship for a few years so it kind of felt like a weird turn of fate that I would hit it off someone like her, especially during the craziness of post-COVID land .

I met Alyssa (not her real name of course) during a get-together one of my co-workers was throwing at his house. It was one of those mutual friends gatherings where all these mutual friends happened to trickle in and join the party. Alyssa was one of those.

She actually approached me and I remember her being pretty flirty from the get-go. At first I thought she was either drunk or f-ing with me, so I tried to awkwardly (and kindly) break away from her during convos but then one of my buddies told me (out of earshot) she doesn’t drink at all and “is just like that.”

So I figured she was just one of those super extroverts you hear about and basically spent some time getting to know her. After about an hour or so of hanging out at the party, I actually found she was really cool. Lot of joking and smart as hell.

After the party, I asked her out and within a month or so of dating, we were pretty serious. It didn’t bother me she was older or that she was quirky (even more so than me lol), and I was happy to be with someone I clicked with again.

So to fast forward, we’ve settled into our couple phase and things are pretty good. And then one day, things started to get a little strange.

So, I love roleplay in the bedroom. It makes things fun. And she loves it, too. The thing is, she has this very specific fetish where she loves to “play mommy.”

I’m all for that freaky stuff and getting into that (it’s especially a turn on for me that she is older than me), but she started getting obsessed with being this kind of angry mom character. And when I say “angry mom,” let me break down how it went down one night:

So we’re messing around and we’re basically having a good time and then out of nowhere (and I kid you not) she tries to pin me down on the bed and she growls in my ear “I heard what you did at school today.”

And then she slaps me so hard and then kisses me. I’m like “um, okay.” It was weird but still hot. But then, she grabs my chin forcefully, looks me dead in the eye, and says “Do you hear me? Do you want to get the belt?”

And guys, I’m honestly at a crossroads where I’m turned on and kind of spooked because she slaps me again and says “alright fine. We’re done.”

I’m laying there confused and she jumps off and grabs the belt off my pants laying across a chair. I’m still letting her indulge in this but I regret it the next second when she comes flying at me swinging the goddamned belt like Zorro.

She smacks me twice with it and she sounds angry! I’m thinking she’s gotta be messing with me and I start to laugh and I try to wrestle her back onto the bed, and she whips me with the belt! HARD! Like I broke Grandma’s fine china or something.

I’m howling and jumping over the bed to get away from her. She’s standing there heaving and staring at me like she’s not done but then she looks at me remorsefully and says “oh, I’m sorry, baby. Come here. Mommy will make it better.”

At this point, I’m confused as to where she’s taking this but I go and embrace her and she brings me over to the bed and starts caressing my head slowly, purring in my ear like a freaking cat.

This went on for like 10 WHOLE MINUTES! I tried to move at one point and she told me “mommy isn’t done.” I realized the night wasn’t going to end the way I thought so I said I was tired and we went to bed shortly after.

After that, she loves to incorporate this “angry mom” RP in the bedroom. It got to a point where one night she was chasing me throughout my apartment with the belt and I had to hide in the damn bathroom while she calmed down.

We spoke about this and I told her that while I enjoy it, she needs to tone it down with some of that stuff. She doesn’t see a problem with it and tells me it gets her really hot to be playing that role.

But when I told her beating the hell out of me with a belt and saying “that’s for taking the car out without my permission!” isn’t doing it for me, she actually started rolling up her sleeves and walked over to me, and said “give it to me NOW!”

Guys, I honestly don’t know what to do. She only does this stuff when she’s in the mood (the majority of the time), so I’m wondering if she’s just really trying to live out this power fantasy or that she might be having some other feelings crop up that could be an issue.

She’s not a bad person but whenever she’s in the mood, I gotta worry about getting beaten with the belt. I’ve tried talking to her multiple times already but she loves doing it. Thoughts????The.