Help A Married Bro Out

Alright, time for some light-hearted topics here after plowing through the sea of sadness below.

For my married bros, how do yall keep it up in terms of frequency, stamina, strength and endurance. I understand that weight lifting and running helps with testosterone maintenance.

Happily married, not much problems besides the usual day to day and once in a while friction, but I noticed the mrs has started to require more, uh, night time activities.

When young, no problem, 3-5 times a night ok. Stud mentality, stiff as a rock and can ravish her with energy.

Now 35+, wah knn, twice a week want to die already and on top of that, her drive is going into overdrive. After settling work and kids, still need to unleash the beast.

Death by Snu snu?

Help pls. For real.

Here are what netizens think:

• You have depleted your ammo by going 3-5 one night. No more bullet liao, can only shoot blanks. Have to seek treatment or go slow, otherwise 精尽人亡. Sexual performance is also directly related to Vitality… Energy level not as before? Seek help

• I am husband at age 40++, Normal drive… But wife very low drive… 1 month plus one time only, sometime 2 month… Nice and respectfull feedback to her already… Still the same… Sometimes… Husband are in the sandwich situation… This kind of “private” issues not able to share through public…

• Best I can recommend is, individual and couples therapy to help open up lines of communication between you two, with the help of a competent professional third party.

• what you need to do is to be honest with your wife that it’s not her, it’s you. You love her and your waning libido is just a natural process

• Health problem. Check testosterone, adrenal level. Do you eat a lot of estrogenic foods like soy, plastics, pesticides? Use handphone a lot?

70 yr old kitchen helper sued for liquidated damages

I am a 70-year-old kitchen helper for a major F&B group in Singapore.

1 month ago, my husband got an infection and was hospitalized for 2 weeks.

At work, I told my boss and sent him my husband’s MC.

My husband is still not recovered and has early-stage kidney failure.

I worked as a kitchen helper for 3 months on probation and needed to resign to take care of him.

I gave two days notice.

Now that the company has issued a court summons to sue me, I have failed to pay up for liquidated damages of $1400.

I have asked NTUC, as I am a member, but they cannot help as I signed a contract.

What can I do?

I have no money for a lawyer. I asked and was told that I needed to pay fees for this help.

Here are what netizens think:

Does the letter say “notice of consultation” or cite a “section 17 of the small claims tribunal act”?

If not, then I don’t think that’s a “court summons”. What you got instead might be a “letter of demand” drafted by their in house counsel (their company’s lawyer).

You can generally ignore a letter of demand asking for $3k and below as the vast majority of lawyers will tell management the bad press and optics resulting from pursuing such a claim isn’t worth it.

But if the company wants to be petty, they’ll pay $50 to file a claim at the small claims tribunal. Then you might receive a letter citing “section 17” of the small claims tribunal act asking you to either come for a consultation, or attend a telephone / video conversation . Don’t ignore *this* letter, attend the consultation. Bring your husband medical records ready to show.

Usually at this point the person doing the consultation (Registrar) will persuade the company and you to work out a smaller sum or waive. People who get to that level tend to be very sensible, and few companies don’t listen to sensible people suggesting to them *not* to squeeze $1700 from a jobless old lady with a sick husband.

If still cannot settle (and the company’s lawyer hasn’t died of shame during the consultation yet), the Registrar might ask you to go for mediation, which is roughly the same. The mediator(s) are professional dispute resolvers, and usually at this point the company will realise that attending all of these things is costing a lot more man-hours than just hiring another cleaner.

I’ve heard of contractual disputes against individuals to go mediation before but they have all been 20k and up. I think more likely than not $1700 will be written off by the company either after you ignore their letter of demand, or at the small claims consultation.

(Above is not legal advice, just sharing of knowledge)

My first crush.

Accidentally chanced upon my first crush on fb.

I met him when I was 14. He was older than me. Tbh, he’s not a hunk or anything, there were other better looking guys around. But there’s something extremely charismatic about him that had me mesmerized and obsessed with him. I soon found out there were other girls in the same situation as me.

Years went by, I was 18, I continued to admire him from afar. We do talk a little but there was nothing special. I watched him during his phase in NS with that new dark tan and army haircut. I find him so cute and yet manly. Once we were in the same team for a church program, I guess he knew how I felt about him. He called me out of the blue. But it wasn’t anything special. He just talked about a sports that he liked as it was on tv. The conversation didn’t last long. I guess he was just checking to see if we have any chemistry.

Sometime later, I found out my friend became his gf. For a moment I was saddened and jealous. I know I’m an above average looking girl as I have no lack of admirers so I find it hard to accept it. I guess this was how I dealt with rejection when I was young. I’m just not his type. They broke up shortly anyway.

Sometimes when I saw mutual friends, I would be reminded of him. He changed his name so I couldn’t find him even if I tried and I also never actively sought him out online.

The current him is married with 2 very young children. His wife, though plain looking, is so lucky to have him. If only she knew how many girls obsessed over him when he was young.

I have no plans to reconnect with him. There’s nothing to say to him anyway.

Seeing him reminded me of my youth. It’s nice to reminisce that sparkly, sweet and innocent young love that I felt when I was a teen.

I look at my husband to realise I actually married a person who look similar to my first crush.

I guess I like cute guys.

I hate my life.

I hate the man that I married. He’s useless. He embarrassed me and brought shame to our marriage. He doesn’t do anything at home. He doesn’t work. He’s so lazy. I work many jobs and work non stop to provide for the family. I cook for everyone almost everyday. I manage the helper. I manage the children’s homework. I manage all the bills and finances since he has no stable income. That’s why I worked harder than ever. Also to keep my mind distracted. Might as well find more ways to earn more money. Money is my only security.

I have lost track of all the things that I have to do for the family. The only thing he does is send the kids to school. Nap all day long, play games and scroll tiktok.

I also have to handle his family side interactions because he fell out with family members. I have to stand by him even though he’s been accused and shunned. A part of me want to believe him but we all know the truth. Its easier to avoid it altogether. I have to put my children first. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I feel like I’m in hell. My priority are my children as I don’t want them to be hurt.

If you think divorce is the answer. It’s not. The only way out is death. I will live this life till I die. I do not have a choice. I think back of our happier times together and dream of living in the past when we are happy and care free.

It wasn’t all like this in the beginning, we were so happy then. Things slowly changed and the more I provide, the less he did. Until there was nothing and all taking on his end. He’s no longer the same person that I married. But i have to put up a front in front of everyone especially our children. I have failed enough times. I shall not fail again.

There’s no such thing as a happy marriage. It’s all a lie. Marriage is all about tolerating what your spouse did wrong and raising your tolerance level to the limit until you are numb to life. Marriage is about forgiving until you can no longer forgive, you forgive again. This is my life.

Hi, im a guy who graduated 3-4 years ago and im really looking for some career advice here and hopefully someone could chime in on working in the public sector. Would really appreciate the advice and if you are too shy maybe could you reply in another confession post. I got a job offer but i am wondering whether to take it, here are my considerarions. Hope you guys could list down any other things to think about! Which would you take? What questions would you ask job B? If you resigned from job A how do you tell the boss why you want to quit?

Myself:

-Engineering degree

-FCH grades and had scholarship from uni

-Good at writing and presenting

-Good at numbers but prefers talking to others

-Singaporean guy

Job A:

-Been here 3 years since i graduated

-Large global MNC, huge international projects, opportunities for overseas assignments to offices in every continent

-Very good networking, smart colleagues, international office very few singaporeans

-Heavy workload but decent work life balance, good medical coverage and dental, fun office perks, parties and sports ccas like badminton/soccer. Nice colleagues,good friendships. Flexible hours, dont need MC if sick, can take leave quite easily, just finish your work dont need to turn up on time. Paid overtime (sometimes)

– Minimal office politics, not being micromanaged (means i need to take initiative for everything)

-Good learning for technical skills

-Low start pay below market below market avg, unlikely to improve as company is looking to outsource work to lower cost offices (vietnam/jakarta), annual increments about 5%. 8% considered very good. Negligible increment despite promotions. After 6 years people typically dont cross $5.5k even with a masters degree from NUS/NTU. Freshers who join Job B sometimes make more than me despite my experience.

– Senior management not making financial savvy business decisions, too focused on brand image, CSR, and internal networking. Spending money on perks instead of salaries

-High turnover amongst Singaporeans due to low pay, hence the company hires mid to senior staff from overseas. They are good workers and a lot less picky about pay, making it hard for me to ask for more money.

-Boss thinks highly of me, but unlikely that translates to significantly higher compensation due to company policy

Job B

– Government job in a stat board

– 20~30% increment from current role. (i need $ to buy a resale hdb, cannot wait for bto alr)

– Stability and protection from foreign competition as work cannot be outsourced

– Heard rumours about public sector having too much red tape, is this true?

– Afraid of not learning any new skills and being unable to switch out of public service if i dont like it. Afraid of being a paper pusher until i retire

– no opportunity for overseas posting. Ive always dreamed about working or living overseas for awhile, even for a short while. Just for exposure.Maybe it is a dream worth giving up on? Or there are other avenues?

– im not on the “gov scholar track” although i have decent grades and CCA records. Will i be discriminated against? Not that i think that good grades always translate to good work output but since i have the grades i hope to use it to increase my pay/CEP?

– what is the annual increment? Does it beat inflation?

– what if i stay at job A and jump to job B later in my career? Will that give me more pay?

How many of you lost your relationship because of your friends?

Sometimes when our relationship are down in the doldrums, we really need a place to rant and let go of our frustrations. Sometimes we might even have second thoughts about the relationship and feels like breaking up or letting the past affect us and our negativity.

Do you think it’s helpful then for our friends to be encouraging us to breakup? But do they know the hurt that I’ve to go through afterwards? And I have to bear them all alone.. I don’t know whether it’s the right move anymore.

Sisters

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for eight years now. We’ve been through a lot together, and I’ve grown to love her and her family. But her sisters have been a huge source of frustration for us over the years, and I often feel like they are the number 1 sabotager of our relationship and marriage.

It’s not that her sisters are mean or anything like that. They mean well, but they often give ill-advised advice that puts ideas into my girlfriend’s head which often lead to arguments between us. And it’s not just us, I’ve heard from other couples about how their sisters have caused major problems in their relationships as well.

It starts innocently enough. Her sisters will often give her advice on how to handle a situation or give her advice on what she should do in relationships. They’ve even gone as far as to tell her what type of men she should be with and what kind of things she should do to make her happy.

Unfortunately, this advice often goes against what I think is best for our relationship. So when she takes their advice, it can end up causing a lot of tension in the relationship. And it’s not just between me and my girlfriend, it can also affect our whole family.

For instance, my girlfriend’s sisters have suggested that she move out of our house because they think it’s not a good relationship. This caused a huge argument between us and it put a strain on our relationship. It also caused a lot of stress within our family because her sisters felt like they were being left out.

My girlfriend’s sisters also put a lot of pressure on her to get married. Every time we talk about marriage, they come up with all these reasons why we should hurry up and get married. They make it sound like it’s a matter of life and death and they even talk about what kind of wedding we should have and how much money we should spend.

It’s frustrating because I know my girlfriend loves her sisters and she wants to please them, but at the same time, I feel like they are sabotaging our relationship. I want to tell my girlfriend how I feel, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make her choose between us.

At the end of the day, I know the most important thing is that my girlfriend and I have a strong relationship and that we are happy together. But it’s hard to do that when her sisters are always interfering and giving her advice that doesn’t really help the situation.