So my wife, F (26) and I, M (33) been married for 2 years. I admit that she is a hothead and can be a bit much especially when shes mad at me. I take responsibility for any mistake i make like not cleaning the bathroom after the shower or filling her car with gas after using it. I even stand there and let her unload her anger and frustration on me BUT only at home and not in public. She tends to start arguing with me in public instead of waiting til we get home.

Recently she’s been coming to my workplace to berate me over something I did the night before like not getting the stuff I said I would get or doing the stuff I said I would do. It’s embarrassing and humiliating,iating and has been affecting my job to the point where I started getting a warning after a warning from my superiors who, I believe have been very patient and understanding especially when my wife makes a fuss at the office.

Last week I was in the middle of a 2hr meeting and next thing I knew was seeing my wife barge in while yelling at me asking why I was keeping my phone turned off (I had to turn it off after getting warnings about I since she forbid me from turning it off). I was stunned, because my superior and co workers AND potential clients were there. I didn’t even move my superior dealt with it and called security to get her out. My wide started arguing with him telling him she came for me then started urging me to get off my seat and tell them to back off. But I didn’t I just watched as security escorted her out. It was horrible because I had a fear that my job was lost. She yelled at me repeatedly to get them to stop but she got kicked out eventually.

I got told she’s no longer allowed there and that this was going to be my final, last warning. I apologized then went home. She was there waiting then yelled about me watching and doing nothing whole she was getting mistreated and kicked out. I finally snapped and said she was over the line, made a scene that risked my job over few missed calls. She started crying saying I still should’ve defended her after getting humiliated infront of my co workers but told her she didn’t have to worry about it because she’s no longer allowed there. She got more furious and went to her mom’s to stay there.

Bf bought me an obiang branded bag from overseas. What should I do?

Bf insisted to spend min 1k on my upcoming anniversary gift because I have gifted him an ipad pro for his bday.

Nearing the anniversary, I have bought him an iphone to replace his 4 year old phone. He was actually quite unhappy upon receiving the present because he once told me he don’t appreciate receiving a phone as present. So I intend to sell it on carousell since I can’t refund the phone that was purchased during Lazada flash sale. My bf decided okay he will use the gift since it’s a gift from me so he broke the seal of the iphone box even though i managed to find an interested iphone buyer but left it unused up til now. In fear that I wouldn’t like his 1k+ gift, he revealed he’s buying a DSLR for me as I can take nice photos if travel overseas. I stopped him from buying. Reason being the current working adult me has no use of a DSLR, and my flagship phone camera is suffice for someone who doesn’t take photography to the next level. I find the bulkiness of the camera more of a hindrance for an amateur. 

A few days later, bf went into jb with his friends and asked me if I am cool with getting a branded bag for my anniversary gift since they are headed to JPO. I have zero branded watches/bags, because I believe that scrimping and investing are good for my future. I just thought it’s a good idea to be gifted my first branded, so I gave him the green light. I very much prefer a swissmade watch but since he suggested, I decided to flow along with no objections (additional info – He doesn’t like to be restricted by a wishlist…. And I clearly updated him I wanted watch/necklace/proposal ring from him). I specifically told him no coach/longchamp in order to avoid “auntie” designs. He chose to surprise me with a gucci instead.

I was ecstatic to receive it initially, however…. After unboxing and removing from the dust bag…. The bag looks just like what I’ve imagined a coach bag to look like. When I posed with it in front of the mirror, I couldn’t control my expression and my bf could feel that I was disappointed. The bag doesn’t feel like a luxury bag…. I would pay $150 tops for the bag, but it costs around $2k. He chose the bag based on functionality(i.e. Able to store umbrella and water bottle) rather than aesthetic. Later I went on to google about the bag and JPO, and realised that the design is unlisted on gucci website (any bag pro could tell me what this means? Does it means my bf has bought a fake?) and JPO mainly sell outdated products.

Bf told me if he’s alright with me selling if I can sell it above cost price, but the max the buyer is willing to pay is only 50% of cost. Bf is still heartbroken and unwilling to bring it back to JPO for exchange/refund because it’s very bulky and he said it’s hard to bring across the custom via bus. It’s endearing to see him put effort into choosing my gift, and I’m really guilty of rejecting the gift. If this bag is <$300, i would have willingly kept it as a memento instead of desperately wanting to turn it back to cash.

It’s now sitting at my house gathering dust for the past week. Have been feeling  uneasy whenever I see the bag… Probably because I don’t want to use it and a $2k bag that I don’t want to own is now my responsibility. Can anybody advise me what is the next best step?

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Is anyone annoyed at the “male strong, female weak” mindset from so many Singaporeans?

First up, I acknowledge women face countless hurdles in life (male gaze, harder to get promoted etc)

I am here to rant about the “male strong, female weak” mindset. Recently, my poor wife got scalded when she dropped a bowl of hot soup at herself at the hawker center (We both went to buy different food).

When she was setting the tray down, her hand somehow slipped and she send the entire bowl splashing over her body. She’s fine now but her leg is scarred

My grandma and my Dad blamed me for the mishap, saying I shouldn’t let my wife carry the bowl of soup, saying stuff like “A man never lets his wife carry heavy stuff” etc

I told off my elders. I reminded them that my wife isn’t weak and I hate their old fashioned concept of “a man don’t let women carry heavy stuff”. My mindset is that I help whoever needs help, and I let women carry their own stuff if I judge that they can do it themselves

I am still angry though. My wife is okay emotionally (she doesn’t blame me) but I can tell how hurt she is by the scars, and my elders reminding me over and over that it’s my fault really isn’t helping!

I cheated with my female colleague and I feel very bad about it. What made it worse was that my wife witnessed the cheating…

I’m happily married with a wonderful wife with two kids. I work in marketing in an FMCG company and I’m constantly surrounded by younger female colleagues. Ngl, many of them are very attractive but I’m a faithful man who thinks with his bigger head.

However my life recently turned upside down. There’s this female colleague who recently joined, let’s call her G. G is in her late twenties and has a face and figure many women would die for and many men would go for. I was so surprised to find out that she was single (she gave me that information without me asking). G would constantly ask me for advice dealing with work matters and invite me to go lunch together with her batch. Sometimes we go for lunches and it’s just the two of us. G would constantly ask me what I was doing over the weekend and tell me what her plans were. She was actively using dating apps but none of the guys were up to her standards. She would often flirt with me (I think?) Like when we are alone she would playfully brush my arms and sometimes bump into me (too often for it to be by accident). She’d also tell me about her experiences with her dates and how they’re not good, and I’m so much better. I always felt a weird sensation whenever I hear that from her. It’s a nice feeling to be validated, but I’m married and it feels wrong.

One fateful day, as my wife had to use the car that day, she came to my office to pick me up. As I was walking away from the office with my wife, G somehow appeared out of nowhere and said hi to us and was extremely friendly towards my wife. G and my wife started chatting as if they were besties and they somehow ended up organizing a games night at my place that weekend. G said she’d bring her date over.

Fast forward to that day, G came with her date. Not sure why but I felt a tinge of jealousy seeing him. We decided to play some card games and I ended up partnering with G. This is when things went down. G was secretly texting me the cards she had in her hand and signaled me to read my phone. I got the hint and was trying to discreetly look at my phone. However, my wife caught me doing that and snatched my phone away and she saw the message from G. She acted like it was ok but after G and date left, she was so furious that I cheated with G during the games and my wife refuses to talk to me now.

How can I appease my wife?

I’m not sure how I got here but I can tell you one thing – the job is a “f” feast.”

That’s how I’m starting to feel about my job at the bank. I’ve been a loan officer for the past three years and things have been going really well. I love helping people get the financing they need for their homes, businesses, and investments.

But what I’ve been seeing in the past few months has been downright disturbing. It’s like an infidelity party. People come in to work help people get their loans, and then go off to have affairs with colleagues.

It’s really odd. Most of the people who come in to work are married or in some sort of committed relationship and yet they’re having affairs.

Expectations and reality

When I was hired by one of the biggest banks in the country, I was expecting to work in a professional environment that would help me build a successful career.

The Bank was notorious for having a culture of high-risk, high-reward behavior. This meant that employees were encouraged to take risks and be creative, but this also meant that they were given a lot of freedom with their work. As a result, it wasn’t uncommon to see people taking advantage of this freedom and engaging in activities that would be considered unethical in any other workplace.

I started to see people drinking alcohol during work hours. This was something that was explicitly forbidden in the employee handbook but it was something that was commonly done and accepted by many of my colleagues. Even though it was considered to be unprofessional, it was normalized by the culture of the Bank.

Another thing I noticed was that there was a lot of flirting and S advances by co-workers. I remember one time when a colleague of mine, who was a senior executive, was making inappropriate comments to a female employee. This was completely inappropriate, but it was accepted as normal behavior by the Bank.

The worst part was when I started to realize that many of the executives and senior managers were engaging in extramarital affairs with their colleagues. This was something that was kept very hush-hush, but it was very apparent that it was happening. This was something that was completely unacceptable and it was a huge red flag that something was wrong with the culture of the Bank.

I eventually decided that I had had enough and decided to leave the Bank. I was disgusted with the environment and the culture that had been allowed to develop. The Bank was a literal F-feast – a party of infidelity and debauchery. I knew that if I stayed there any longer, I would be contributing to the problem.

I have since moved on to a new job and I am much happier in my current role. I now understand the importance of creating a professional environment that is free from such inappropriate and unethical behavior. I am grateful that I was able to get out of the Bank before I became too deeply involved in the culture of infidelity and debauchery that had developed there.

Resignation problem, Resignation letter was “not acknowledged” instead of “rejected”, asked to do it after long weekend because unfair to have holiday during notice period.

Because they want to follow company’s rule instead of MOM’s rule, they let me report to MOM.

Reported to MOM through Employment Act Violation, currently trapped because notice period is more than 2 months even though I am a low level employee.

Wondering if I should just pay in lieu of notice since it’s so toxic? In the meantime, is there anything else I can do other than reporting to MOM?

Help.

Netizens’ comments

• Resignation doesn’t need to be acknowledged or accepted. It’s just recommended as proof of when you gave notice. Just follow up by email to record that you submitted notice.

• No company has the right to decline, reject, or ignore your resignation. Even if they refuse to look at the letter, don’t open your email, it’s submitted and you can leave right at the end of your notice period.
  It’s a one-person decision. You want out, you get to be out.

• Bruh there is nothing unfair. That’s nonsense from the company. You just note down the date you sent them the resignation, calculate the last day, then just don’t turn up afterwards.

Hey, I got into a little argument with my wife regarding my work bonus. This is my first job in my field after school. We recently had a performance review and I got a raise and bonus.

My wife feels like my bonus should be considered family money. My wife does not get monetary bonuses at her job. I also earn more and pay a higher percentage of our household expenses.

We got into it because I wanted to keep my bonus and use it on myself. My wife feels like we should use it for the family or save it.

I tried to explain that I do feel I should be free to use my work bonus as I wish. She is calling me selfish and claims I do not understand what marriage means.

I see no issue with a bonus being used solely by the person who earned it. I told her if she got a bonus I would not question what she did with it. She then replied if I got one I would use it for us as a family.

We are both 26, no kids.

Netizens’ comments

1. I don’t really see the distinction between the regular salary and the bonus money. If her salary and your salary all go into the same pot, then it seems to me that the bonus should go in too. Do you expect to keep the money from the raise for yourself as well?
   In my experience, earning a bonus because of performance means you probably spent more time on the job and less at home. Did your wife take on a greater share of the chores, or did she have to live with your letting things slide?
2. What is possibly the logic behind sharing your salary (which you earned with support of your wife) with your family and not your bonus (which you earned with support of your wife) ?
3. when I get a bonus I like to treat myself in some way with part of it, but keeping it all to yourself when you’re in a committed relationship says you aren’t all that committed to that relationship
4. A few years from now, when you’ve been through several years of evaluations and bonuses, you’re going to look back on this and feel foolish for thinking your bonus was incredibly special.
   Bonuses are part of your company’s compensation scheme. A bonus was always going to be part of your compensation. They decreased everyone’s salary a bit to create the bonus pool. Whether it’s salary or bonus, it’s still income.

Want to know if I am over reacting.

My husband told me a week ago that he has been cheating on me since the start of the year and is in love with someone else. I was very distraught. Wasn’t eating for days. Not proud of it but was self harming, which he was aware of because he caught me doing it.

Then he ended up showing me a video and he had recorded my reaction and called it a cheating prank! Turns out the messages he showed me he sent her were to another discord account he created. He was going to post it to youtube to try to get views but I threatened to sue him (fortunately he believed it) so he didn’t.

I want to leave him because he knew how much it hurt me, I even missed work for a few days and he knew I was self harming. He comes across as a sadistic person and even now he says I’m making a big deal and have no sense of humor.

Would you guys do the same in my shoes or should I try to move past this?

Here are what netizens think:

• Pranks don’t last days and cause this much pain. That’s horrible that he would watch you agonize for days for “views”.

• I would leave him. Don’t let him tell you that you are overreacting. He caused you great harm and was laughing about it, that’s really abusive in my opinion. He was aware that you did not eat and that you hurt yourself and he didn’t even then tell you it was a prank. He sounds batshit crazy and I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually also did cheat.
• Christ, well this ‘prank’ went wrong. He let it go on way too long and is horrible. I don’t blame you leave the manchild
• You aren’t overreacting. You are valid in your emotions. If this crossed a line for you, and you want to explore leaving as an option then go ahead. It sounds like he didn’t take your emotions into consideration at all, and the worst part is that he let it fester. Something definitely needs to be done even if you don’t leave. But you are not overreacting!