Hey, I got into a little argument with my wife regarding my work bonus. This is my first job in my field after school. We recently had a performance review and I got a raise and bonus.

My wife feels like my bonus should be considered family money. My wife does not get monetary bonuses at her job. I also earn more and pay a higher percentage of our household expenses.

We got into it because I wanted to keep my bonus and use it on myself. My wife feels like we should use it for the family or save it.

I tried to explain that I do feel I should be free to use my work bonus as I wish. She is calling me selfish and claims I do not understand what marriage means.

I see no issue with a bonus being used solely by the person who earned it. I told her if she got a bonus I would not question what she did with it. She then replied if I got one I would use it for us as a family.

We are both 26, no kids.

Netizens’ comments

1. I don’t really see the distinction between the regular salary and the bonus money. If her salary and your salary all go into the same pot, then it seems to me that the bonus should go in too. Do you expect to keep the money from the raise for yourself as well?
   In my experience, earning a bonus because of performance means you probably spent more time on the job and less at home. Did your wife take on a greater share of the chores, or did she have to live with your letting things slide?
2. What is possibly the logic behind sharing your salary (which you earned with support of your wife) with your family and not your bonus (which you earned with support of your wife) ?
3. when I get a bonus I like to treat myself in some way with part of it, but keeping it all to yourself when you’re in a committed relationship says you aren’t all that committed to that relationship
4. A few years from now, when you’ve been through several years of evaluations and bonuses, you’re going to look back on this and feel foolish for thinking your bonus was incredibly special.
   Bonuses are part of your company’s compensation scheme. A bonus was always going to be part of your compensation. They decreased everyone’s salary a bit to create the bonus pool. Whether it’s salary or bonus, it’s still income.

Want to know if I am over reacting.

My husband told me a week ago that he has been cheating on me since the start of the year and is in love with someone else. I was very distraught. Wasn’t eating for days. Not proud of it but was self harming, which he was aware of because he caught me doing it.

Then he ended up showing me a video and he had recorded my reaction and called it a cheating prank! Turns out the messages he showed me he sent her were to another discord account he created. He was going to post it to youtube to try to get views but I threatened to sue him (fortunately he believed it) so he didn’t.

I want to leave him because he knew how much it hurt me, I even missed work for a few days and he knew I was self harming. He comes across as a sadistic person and even now he says I’m making a big deal and have no sense of humor.

Would you guys do the same in my shoes or should I try to move past this?

Here are what netizens think:

• Pranks don’t last days and cause this much pain. That’s horrible that he would watch you agonize for days for “views”.

• I would leave him. Don’t let him tell you that you are overreacting. He caused you great harm and was laughing about it, that’s really abusive in my opinion. He was aware that you did not eat and that you hurt yourself and he didn’t even then tell you it was a prank. He sounds batshit crazy and I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually also did cheat.
• Christ, well this ‘prank’ went wrong. He let it go on way too long and is horrible. I don’t blame you leave the manchild
• You aren’t overreacting. You are valid in your emotions. If this crossed a line for you, and you want to explore leaving as an option then go ahead. It sounds like he didn’t take your emotions into consideration at all, and the worst part is that he let it fester. Something definitely needs to be done even if you don’t leave. But you are not overreacting!

It took me 50 applications just to get one job interview

If I hear “no one wants to work” ever again, I’m gonna go ballistic. Two months of applying for jobs, writing up cover letters and letters of interest, sending out emails to follow-up on applications.

No one ever communicates back, never even to let you know they received anything.

I’m glad someone finally responded so I don’t feel like I’ve just been chucking my information into the void over and over again, but man. The whole process is so dehumanizing.

Netizens’ comments

1. But them darn millennials just do not want to work. They all somehow stay at home, and their bills and groceries magically get paid for.
2. Companies don’t want smart, educated employees looking for a job. They want dumb, desperate people who will work for whatever they can get and don’t know their rights.
3. Unless you’re a doctor/nurse or in a skilled trade, there’s a lot of competition and no jobs. Many of the postings are fake/ghost jobs. I’ve been applying for over a year and I keep seeing the same jobs get reposted. They get hundreds or even thousands of applicants and don’t hire anyone. I reached out to some of them (through connections) and they told me they weren’t hiring.
4. What’s going to happen is everyone is going to wait maybe 2 more months and then start contacting you with low ball offers not worth your time. Seems to be the vibe right now.
5. Yeah. My ratio was like 100 apps turns into 3 screening calls turns into 1 second interview, and 1 in 5 of those go further. Ive applied for nearly 3,000 positions in the last 10 years. That turned into 5 job offers. All of which turned into a shit sandwich by the way.
6. 1 interview in 50 applications (2%) is actually a GOOD success rate in my experience.
7. There are many jobs available, definitely. But as for jobs that pays reasonably enough for you to survive? That’s another story.

How the heck do y’all save money?

I took on a second job and now work 70+ hours a week. I never see my kid anymore and my arthritis is KILLING me.

I am covering all my bills every month, but cant for the life of me seem to actually save any money. My bank account is always at zero the night before I get paid.

HOW ARE YOU GUYS SAVING MONEY?! I will seriously take any and all tips or tricks.

I’m thinking I need to track my spending better because when I made my budget on paper I should be able to save like $600 a month. How are you guys tracking your spending? An app? Excel spreadsheet?

Give me all your secrets!!

Netizens’ comments

1. If you have that big of a discrepancy, you need to go through your account and see where that extra $600 is going. That’s $7200/year just vanishing.
2. I track every dollar I spend using budgeting software. Doing this makes you realize how little money you have when you account for all your expenses and the expenses you will incur in the near future
3. Excel’s fine. Write down every single line item. Use credit card & bank statements to get it right, and always round up. When estimating, be conservative.
4. One of my biggest “secrets” is that I check my bank account pretty much daily. I look at every transaction as much as I can. I definitely miss some, but often I’ll see a subscription I don’t use and cancel it or things like that.
   Things like eating out or picking up food is a huge factor. $15+ for eating out vs $5 or less to make it at home adds up
5. You have to track your spending to each transaction. This includes when you buy something quick at the convenience store on your way to your second job. It’s really easy to blow through $600 if you don’t track it. I can easily spend $20 at 7-Eleven without paying attention, as an example.

Wife’s coworker died over the weekend – Project manager asks who is taking the deceased coworker’s work.

Really? She works in a company of about 2,000 so not huge, but not small. A group of about 50 have been together for 20+ years which the person who died was a group of.

They are devastated but to have a project manager ask who was going to take his work was totally shocking and uncalled for.

I’d like to say unbelievable but unfortunately it’s not.

Netizens’ comments

1. “Whoever you hire to replace them”
2. When a coworker (52m) died suddenly, The Boss called us into the conference room. He told us what happened. As we all sat there in shock, he said he’d make counselling available if we wanted it.
   The next day’s lunch was a long one as a bunch of us drank in his honor.
   Three days later The Boss told us that he would pay for all of us to get our wills done – the guy who died did not have one and his SO would have issues because of it.
   The next week he brought half a dozen of us together to figure out how the workload would be handled. The.Next.Week…. not the next day, but a fair amount of time later.
   There is a reason I’ve been with that company over 26 years. I feel for folks who are stuck in the OP’s wife’s scenario.
3. It’s a logical question to ask as a business. It’s insensitive to ask of the team they worked with, especially if bluntly asked. It’s management’s job to manage that workload, whether taking it upon themselves, dividing across the team if able, or to assign to someone in a realistic manner.
4. So. My husband’s coworker had a heart attack and died. and for about three days no one did his job.
   My husband’s boss asked if he’d like to take that job. and my husband said yes.
   People are replaceable to companies. It’s unfortunate. And honestly, I was in a PM position where I was looking for contractors to do some installations and they told me the guy previously working on my request died and I had to ask who would take over. It was really shitty of me to ask. I felt shitty asking it. But my work depended on him getting his work done, and now there was no one to do the work. I hated every second of that conversation.

Mum have not been working since giving birth. My dad has been asking her to work when we start poly, she refused to work even until now we are in our late 30s.

She’s healthy to work. She refuse to work and expect my dad to “maintain a her standard of living”, and pays for everything. Dad earns less than $3k.

Dad divorced her some years ago and yet she keep giving excuses not to work. She knows that her savings (which includes monthly allowance we give her as children) will eventually run out and and expect her children to pay 100% of her expenses and maintain her standard of living.

She spends money on necessary things. She already has an iPhone, yet she bought additional brand new iphone with monthly mobile line just to play games. She also buys new clothes that she either doesn’t or rarely wear.

We tried to help her to find jobs and suggest all methods to get her to work. But she simply refuse to work and think that there’s nothing that we can do except to give her $. She forces us to give into her demands for $, throw tantrum and scold us if we say no. She is becoming worse as her $ is becoming lesser.

Let’s say she uses the parent maintenance act, means we will be her ATM forever?

Any advise? Thank you.

Netizens’ comments

1. I tink parents maintenance act got $ cap.
2. Just give enough for living essentials. What can she even do to ‘force you to give’ to indulge her luxuries?
   She wanna scold and throw tantrums let her lo. Has giving in to a child throwing tantrums ever worked to cultivate good behaviour?
   Your nice ways of talking or encouraging her to earn her own money won’t work, it’s long past time to play hardball.
3. The parent maintenance act is based on subsistence living so the government doesn’t have to give her ComCare. She will probably get “awarded” less than what you’re currently giving her as an allowance.
   Just set your own boundaries with a hard cap in monthly allowance and let her throw as many tantrums as she likes.

My mom’s been cheating on my dad for 25 years.

They finally got a divorce this year, so my dad opened up to me about everything. When he first caught my mom cheating, he was preparing to leave her until she announced that she was pregnant with me.

I’m now an adult and I think I look enough like my dad to not want to pursue any DNA testing, and tbh I don’t want to know if I’m not his.

I’ve been truly sick ever since he told me the details. My dad’s father died last year, and he has phone records of my mom calling her guy for several hours the day his father died and the day of the funeral.

I want to say something because mom is now bringing this guy around, but dad knows my mom is vengeful and hostile and thinks it would be best for my safety if I don’t confront her.

But man, I feel so disgusted by her and sorry for my dad.

Netizens’ comments

• You should confront her, you have every right. Your mom is the worst type of person, cheating alone, but also calling the man on the day of your grandfathers funeral, absolutely disgusting.
• I’m so sorry your mom is so toxic to you and your dad. Neither of you deserved any of that. That breaks my heart that she could be so cold and destructive to her family, for so long.

A man recently took money from his wife’s account and lend it to her sister. The man feels guilty for doing so without telling his wife. But his sister is the real demon behind it.

Here is the story:

My wife and I have joined finances but she has savings account her grandpa set up for her before he passed. It’s around 40k in savings. We both work IT jobs and get paid fairly well.

She stated to me that that money is for either an emergency or in case we plan on buying our own house. She said that in case I need money for an emergency I’m allowed to use it. I also have access to the account but so far I didn’t use anything.

2 months ago my sister asked me to lend her 5k because she wanted to pay for her wedding dress but her card had expired and kept declining. I lend her 5k but since I didn’t have the full amount of my own paycheck, I borrowed money from my wife’s savings. My sister said she’d pay me back once her new card was ready which would take less than two days. I didn’t tell my wife this because I’d replace the money in two days.

It’s been 2 months now and my sister is putting off on giving back the money she borrowed. She keeps finding excuses on why she couldn’t give it back every time. My wife hasn’t checked the savings account in ages but what if she happens to check it and she figures out 5k is missing?

My best friend says I am honest with her and I should accept the consequences of my own actions for not notifying my wife and not letting her know about the money missing. AITA?

I feel very guilty for this and for trusting my sister.

So I’m writing this to get it off my chest and maybe gain insight as well. I have been married to my husband[29M] for 2 years and let me tell you, it has been rocky. We have several issues that plague the marriage and they have all been my fault.

One of the issues, is intimacy level. I have a lower S drive coupled with depression on top of that and have not had much desire for it the past couple months. I feel terrible because he has expressed how much it hurts him, and it sucks. I’m just at a point in my life where it is hard for me to even want to wake up in the morning and to keep up with basic activities such as personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning, etc let alone get fired up for intimacy. This has caused a huge issue and my husband is over it.

Second issue, he wants to start smoking now. When I first got with him, he used to smoke years before I can along but he changed his life around and was no longer interested. When we started dating, it had been 3 years since he stopped. We have been together for 6 years and with life changes, he has decided that’s what he wants to do. I have never been comfortable with the smoke. If a friend or someone else does it, fine I don’t pay it much mind because that’s not my business and I don’t have to live with them.

Now, since my husband wants to do it. I have been not comfortable because I prefer a smoke free household. We discussed and I tried to have him just do vape as a middle ground since it was about the same without the stench. He tried for a couple of months and determined that was not enough for him. We have had several arguments about it as I am trying to cope with these changes and I feel bad since it’s me causing this issue and not just being okay with it with no pushback. Now, there have been instances where he has done it behind my back which we are also dealing with but this is also my fault because he felt he couldn’t talk to me about it.

The third issue is that he feels I don’t believe in him. Put it simply, he is the type to go off of faith and I am the type to go off of numbers. This doesn’t mix well. He feels as though I hold him back and gets frustrated because I don’t just go with things with ease and excitement. For example, when he was needing to purchase a new vehicle, his previous car worked fine but it was simply getting older. At the time we had just purchased a house 2 months prior and I wanted to get used to the higher bill first before adding on another. He was ready for a new vehicle asap.

So we worked out numbers in the budgeting sheet and it came out in a deficit every month. I told him let’s hold off until our income changed, I had a pending raise at the time but didn’t know how much yet and also wanted to wait for a work bonus to come in which would have been a month later. My husband didn’t want to wait and was going to proceed forward with getting the vehicle whether I agreed or not and was upset because I didn’t have faith. I am questioning all my decision-making now and really thinking I should have had faith because flash forward to now, Financially we are going great and never had any issues.

Sorry for the long post. I just need to get it all out.