I’m not sure how to proceed with my GF of 15 years I was ready to propose to after she revealed she had 28k in debt

In the day by day flow, my GF and I get a long rather well. She is seemingly head over heels with me even when I can’t stand myself. However longer term planning is clearly a skill that we both don’t share.

For the last ten years I have made the majority of the income due to being a software dev. And as such have been happy to cover more if not all of some expenses.

In the future we agreed to move overseas since my skillset was in demand and I love cities and seeing the world, and there is more money out there.

Our understanding was that this would help her pay off her education loan debt for her uni, which I was led to believe there was $10k of.

It turns out not only was that not paid off in the last ten years, but she has $28k of debt, and not just the education loan.

The culmination of being in a 15 year relationship that has slowly gone from “Sweethearts” to ‘bitter that she has no plan” is tearing me up inside.

I’m constantly enraged that half of my life has been spent with someone who never seemed to seriously consider that their life is attached to someone else.

I’m terrified to propose because of sunken cost fallacy and I’m terrified of ignoring every warning sign and ending up miserable hating my partner at 50.

I’m also terrified of trying to min/max life and ditching her just to realize that I was over exaggerating. To go “live my life” but have it actually suck.

If I dump her and move away I’m effectively starting over socially.

I believe she never seriously made plans because she has a relatively more stable family network and connections.

I have always been more of a loner and just wanted to see the world and be a digital nomad. I’m 50% sure if I leave her and start a world tour then WWIII will immediately break out

How to handle a Quarter life crisis?

Graduated almost 2 years ago [24F] and mindlessly followed the majority of my peers and went into audit.

However, due to working for a toxic client with little to no supervisor guidance and support, my mental health deteriorated rapidly and I quit early this year.

I applied to other jobs during my notice period and took up the first job offer I received only to foolishly realise that the industry wasn’t what I was interested in (semi-con/engineering).

Though the people and culture in my company is infinitely better, I can’t help but still feel like something is missing and I still feel lost and aimless in life.

I drag my body and soul to work and I sometimes feel like yes doing things I like in the weekends makes me happy but that happiness is temporary.

But in the same vein, the unhappiness at work is also temporary. (I know I may seem ungrateful and yes it is a blessing to have a job in this economy but everyday I still feel)

I’ve worked at both jobs at slightly less than a year and I wonder if it’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.

So I just want to know your experience about this and whether I should just suck thumb, shut up and deal with this as it seems that so many people seem to have come to terms with this?

I keep ruminating over what I should do? Stay for another year so I don’t seem like a job hopper? Take a master’s? Transition into another career again? Thanks for reading till here.

Netizens’ comments

I’ll say stay put not because that’s what you should do long term.

Stay put so that you can figure out what you dislike or like in your current job. Reflect back to your audit days. How is it different in this job?

Make a shortlist of 3 things you absolutely prioritise in your work. Is it money? Work life balance? Feeling the work is mentally engaging? (If it is this, what kind of work makes you mentally engaged).

With that in mind, take a look at what industries is relatively easy for you to join. You did audit so I guess you have accounting background. What industries have similar accounting / business models that you can convince the hiring manager to hire you? Just apply for all the accounting, finance, and analytical roles in those industries, ensuring you have done enough to update your resume.

If you get interviews, prepare for it. Both in terms of how to get the job and also what questions can you ask them to find out if you can get what you want in a job. If culture matters, find out what questions can you ask to suss that out.

If you don’t get interviews, then it might be more justified to consider further education after you exhausted all efforts to update your resume. Or if you just hate accounting then maybe a switch in career paths. But either way, don’t jump into further education unless you are clear what you want from work and whether this cert helps you get that.

At 77 What Do I Regret? Please read if you are young. You may learn.

I am a 77 year old widow. I was married for over 55 years to a man who didn’t love me. He never wanted to sleep with me, he rarely cuddled me, he was never faithful, he was never an active father to our daughter, he never took care of the house or financial matters.

He did work steadily and brought home a paycheck. I had no siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents: they all died when I was a young child.

My parents had thrown me out when I was 15 because I slept with my boyfriend once. (No, I did not get pregnant.)

They called me vile names, locked me in my room and I was not allowed to finish school. My self esteem was totally gone and I never fully recovered it.

I married when I had trouble getting a job after I went back to school and graduated, and had no money coming in.

I had nobody to “fall back on”, if my marriage failed, so I pretended it was OK. My husband criticized me for: being too fat; being too thin; being too anxious; being too complacent; being too smart, being too stupid.

Those were only a few of the things he said, but they saved my life, because even in my misery, I knew it was IMPOSSIBLE to be all of those things at one time!

He turned our only child against me. She was jealous of me and hated me because I had very high intelligence. He always backed her up and never disciplined her even by talking to her about how she treated me.

He totally blamed me for the failure of our marriage (for all those reasons), but he was the one who would not work at being in counseling, so therapists ended the counseling for that reason. In short, I was a COWARD.

Five years ago he had open heart surgery, a cerebral stroke (permanent brain damage), permanently deserted me, completely cut me out of his will, isolated me and would not let me contact him at all and I was left indigent and too old to be hired, although for many years I’d had a successful career.

Then he finally died without saying a word to me. My life has been lived and wasted.

YOU MUST BE STRONG AND FEARLESS, EVEN IF IT ALMOST KILLS YOU. You have to take risks and not cower, because otherwise PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU AS BADLY AS YOU ALLOW THEM TO TREAT YOU.

Ive been finding that no matter what job i get even if its decent, i always feel have feelings of dread right before the shift starts, especially on Monday.

In some cases it becomes unbearable where i would rather not exist so i dont have to feel like that anymore.

At school i dont remember ever having these feelings except for first day of the school year. Why does work feel so different from school even though its similar structure?

I just want a job where it just feels like as if im waking up for school.

How does one get rid of this feeling? I find it hard to cope that im going to have these negative feelings for the rest of my life, during school i was content but now as an adult i keep getting stressed but i know work is a necessity, just wanted to know a way to resolve these feelings i have.

Netizens’ comments

1. You need a better job. In the last 3 years, I’ve gone through over 12 jobs easy. I’m always moving and looking for a better opportunity. I’m like that. I used to think there was something wrong with me. But I’ve learned to accept it and go ball out!
   Reset your mentality. Go on indeed and bullshit your way into a new job. If you don’t know something just YouTube it.
   I’m proof that you just need to be you and forget all these rules of how to work for one career or at one job.
   Life’s too short.
   Best of luck!
2. probably because work is harder and more stressful than school. As of right now it’s the other way around for me, I do not enjoy waking up and being an engineering major lol. I just wake up stressed about what ever homework and studying I gotta do but fortunately I have a really laid back job that prioritizes my school
3. I show up at work about 10 minutes before my shift starts. I sit there in my car contemplating whether I should just turn around and go home. The building looms over me like one of the dementors from a Harry Potter story, sucking the happy out of my soul.

Girlfriend refuses to wear underwear and she doesn’t see a problem with sitting in positions that expose her to others in public

Hi all I have a problem with my girlfriend who is 18 (I am 21).

See the issue is that she doesn’t wear underwear on most days — and she also tends to wear fairly short shorts.

She also sits in certain positions where people can easily see her crotch area – such as sitting on steps outside building with her legs spread out. Putting her feet up on seats. Crossing her legs to the side. Etc.

I have tried to ask her to stop before however she tells me that “it is her body and stop trying to control what she wears”. Like a childish and warped retort based on “my body my rules” but… irrelevant?

So I try to say it’s not about what she is wearing but what she ISNT wearing! That is the real problem!

I think it’s disgusting and because people can easily see her private parts, kids included. In fact kids can probably see more of the view because they’re shorter.

It is gonna be seen by everyone who even glances in her direction.

Can anyone please please please help me talk some sense into her? It’s extremely embarrassing to have family and friends have to tell me in codes language that her area is showing and stuff.

I found out my fiancé is using a dating site

I was sitting next to him helping him fill in some information for a job he was applying to. He was looking through his emails to find a specific document he had received and when I looked at his screen I saw numerous mails from a dating site.

Right now I’m in the bathroom and about to take a shower. I looked up the dating site and it is a legit one.

When I glanced at his phone screen I saw emails such as “new matches” and “You have received x new messages”. So this means he is actively talking to other women.

I’m not sure what to do. I want to confront him but at the same time I wish I had never seen anything. This hurts so much.

Right now I never want to exit the bathroom.

Update:

So I spoke to him and he said “oh I don’t know how they got there” and together we looked through his email and I saw that his confirmation email (for when he signed up to the dating site) was the 28th of August of this year. Which is recent.

He kept denying it and became very angry and defensive about it. So the talk didn’t go that well. It pretty much ended with me apologising to him, which is pathetic I know.

Netizens’ comments

1. Throughout a year long, “exclusive” relationship with a guy, I had often caught him actively on dating sites. Whenever I confronted him, he turned it on me. Listen to me — leave him. This will not change, I promise you. He is not committed to you and you are wasting your time.
2. I would just leave and cut contact. Send a text saying he’ll have more time to talk to his matches. F him.
3. I will say I still actively get emails about matches and messages from dating apps I haven’t used in over 3 years. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Communication. Is. Everything.
4. How can you not address this? Hey! You asked for my help and I clearly saw emails from a dating site that said you had new matches. That’s it. That starts your conversation.
5. Don’t take this as gossipal but talk to him I get alot of emails saying I have matches and messages and I havnt used any dating sites apart from tinder 2 years ago but the otherside is I don’t know if someone has used my email to sign up or if its spam iv just ignored them all tbh sorry I can’t be of more help

A girl shared how she slept with one of her friends and after that, he started treating her coldly because he thinks of her as a pushover.

She later came to the realisation that he was only using her all along.

Here is her story in full

“So after I had s-x with one of my friends (no one knows about this except us), he started to treat me differently.

He is such a nice guy to everyone but when it comes to me he is very cold. At first I thought it was because he was very comfortable with me.

But then I realised that he thinks of me as a pushover and he was just using me. We are in the same clique and it annoys me every time I can sense the differential treatment.

Should i just not be friends with him anymore?

Editor’s note: Yeap, you should leave him and get better friends.

We’ve been together for a little under a year (10 months to be exact). It got serious pretty fast. He was 3 months out of a 4 year relationship before we met. Red flag, I know.

A few days ago, I was rummaging through the glove compartment of his car (while he was inside, driving) for some CD’s and found a crumpled-up pair of panties. I knew they were not mine. To be frank, they were trashy. The first time I opened the compartment he promptly closed it, which I figured was to keep all his from flying out while we were moving. Then I opened it again, and kept rummaging, until I saw them there. I seemed to have done this just as he was saying “Please don’t go through my stuff”. Our mutual friend was also in the car, so I didn’t say anything in the moment. I was shocked. He knew I saw them.

Later that night, I told my friend what had happened in the car and she excused herself so we could talk asap. I asked him for the keys so I could go grab the panties and throw them in his face. He was hesitant to give me the keys, but did. When i went back, they were gone. I looked everywhere. He had moved them.

I confronted him about it but took it all with a grain of salt. He said they were his ex’s and she left them in there after fooling around in his car during quarantine. He would remember they were there from time to time but kept putting off throwing them out, because “memories”. He says he swears they’re in the dumpster now and that he has never cheated on me. But I can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying about something. Could be about how the panties got there, how long ago she left them(cheating), or if they’re even hers. And the most suspicious thing, moving the panties when he already knew I saw them.

Of course, he’s on perfect behavior now. But I don’t know if we can move past this. He’s shown me before that he’s a liar.

What should I do? I am leaning towards leaving him but I could use some advice. I love him, but this hurts so much.

I (26f) have a brother (30m) “David”. David has been married to “Katey” for 6 years before he cheated on her with “Candice”.

Honestly I loved Katey, even she was rather quiet and introverted, she was always interesting to talk to, helpful and I loved how serious she was about her hobbies. Like she wouldn’t let anything to stop her doing what she loves and she would work hard for it. So once we found out that David has been cheating on her with another woman, we were shocked, since David said he will never do that to her.

David has separated with Katey and started a relationship with Candice. I’m not a big fan of her as she is not nearly as helpful or nice as Katey, always gives unsolicited advise and generally behaves and speaks as if she is more important then everyone else in the room. However David seems to be totally in love with her.

Recently I have told David that I don’t feel comfortable inviting Candice to my and my boyfriend’s house due to her behavior and how their relationship started. David didn’t like that and started an argument with me, during this argument I have mentioned how much better Katey was and that he was a fool for loosing her and David said that his sore throat syndrome made him cheat on Katey and she should of understood and forgiven him, but she didn’t. I have called him dumb for blaming his condition on cheating and said if my boyfriend have told me the same thing as he told Katey, I would of left as well.

Now my brother got offended and have called me “insensitive brat”. The family is split, my parents believe I should apologise to him, while some of my siblings said I did the right thing.

Here are what netizens think:

• Exactly how he is claiming his sore throat made him cheat? Like what is the justification? Signed, another person that is full of S.

• That’s straight bull. He’s either supremely dumb or lying 

• Well then he is fully and thoroughly enabled to get out of jail free anytime . Just imagine, he has realized that he can never do anything wrong because he always has the best excuse. And this isn’t gonna help him build a good life and it’s not gonna help him really appreciate anyone else.