I don’t even want this job

I’ve been at my job for the better part of a decade so far, and while it’s had its ups and downs, it’s been pretty okay.

Until earlier this year when my boss basically twisted my arm into taking a more senior position I told her several times I never wanted.

Now even my days off are loaded with work, I get phone calls about things I can’t answer because I’m not in the building looking at any of the paperwork, and even when I’m enjoying time at home with my husband, I feel an ever-present guilt like there’s more I should be doing.

All I’ve ever wanted was just a job that ends when I clock out, not one that rules my life.

I believe in hard work but this is insanity, all I see when I envision my future is a dark void of doing this until a heart attack or strokes kills me. But the benefits are good…

Netizens’ comments

1. Honestly, I would start putting my phone in Do Not Disturb mode when I’m off the clock. Fuck that.
   It sounds like you need to set some serious boundaries with your employer, and that starts with destroying the expectation that you are always available outside of work, especially if you want to keep the position because of the benefits.
   And if they can’t wrap their heads around that and still refuse to respect you as a person whose time off is valuable and important, I would still refuse to answer work-related calls or texts outside of work and would start looking for another job.
   You have to start doing something now to ensure this turns into a better situation, even if that means doing what you have to do to get out. You deserve work-life balance and to be treated like a human being. You don’t deserve to feel taken advantage of and to feel like you have no time off. Your well-being also matters, and this is not good for your health.
2. You were likely already working as hard as you needed to.
   If you can’t convince your boss to give you your old job back, it’s time to start looking for a different one.
3. Seems like you should talk to your boss about transfer to a less stressful position or something.

Just had an hour long call with my boss

My boss does not know how to have concise conversations. All of my calls with him are at least 20-25 minutes, but this was my longest one yet.

1 hour and 6 minutes.

We were talking about a project that needs to be done, meanwhile he’s wasted an hour of my workday where I could have been working on that very project.

He shows me random meaningless Excel spreadsheets, rambles on and on, repeats himself, and basically talks for an hour about something that could have been a short email.

Is there a way I can politely address this with him? Our meetings are truly pointless and just way too long. At a certain point I just stop responding with anything meaningful, nothing more than “yeah” and “mhm”.

He’s the same way with all of my coworkers and it’s never been addressed. I honestly wonder how he gets anything done – he’s just calling me and my coworkers all day to show us Excel sheets.

How do I (politely, but assertively) tell my boss to get to the damn point? I’ve been at this company for 2 years, I’m 24F and this is my first job.

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s never being addressed because you guys are scared how he will react, and is not a thing to be addressed is just how he is. Is best to know how to manage it.
   The best way to deal with him is by taking over the conversation, ask questions to get to the middle and end of the story, then you say when it’s over if his not getting to the end.
   What sucks about doing the “yeah” and “hmm” it makes them believe that you not understating what they saying. He might get upset at that.
2. Let him know you have a hard stop at x:xx time and you will need to drop for another meeting. Even if you don’t have another meeting, it’s really rude when meetings go over and affect other meetings that now have to start later/reschedule
3. My boss does this as well. He messages me on Teams saying “quick call” and well I say yes because its supposed to be quick but it never is. They can range from 15 minutes to over an hour sometimes. Even worse is when he wants to call like 15 minutes before lunch and the calls take so long. I now just do not answer him or his messages at least an hour before my lunch. He can wait.
4. Tell him you need to poop and hide in the toilet.

F 43, As a reward for taking care of me when I was hospitalized, I let my son’s best friend f me.

My son is studying abroad and my husband works abroad and I used to stay alone in here. I felt sick and got bedridden and I informed my son who then informed his best friend (whom I’ve known for years), who then came over and moved me to the hospital and was with me at there for the whole 8 days that I was admitted.

Then brought me back home and used to come over every morning and stayed till late afternoon to help me around and take care of me. My son couldn’t come even though he wanted to and my husband told me that “it’s a minor thing, take care of yourself”.

With how things were in here, my son asked his friend to stay with me in here over the phone, something that I was open to. And with that, he started living with me in here.

This closeness and affection lead to both of us developing a sort of attraction towards each other. It was more along the lines of showing each other love and affection through our bodies and we got down to f, and he moved in with me to my bedroom.

After a point, we let my son know about this because we both wanted him to be aware of the situation and didn’t want to keep him in the dark.

Surprisingly, he turned out to be supportive and in fact told his friend to ‘assume the role as my “husband” ‘.

The resentment towards his dad and support for his friend came after how things turned out when I got sick. Also for the fact that he trusts his friend and believes I am safer with him around and with me.

A group of Singaporeans came together online to share their gang-related stories and experiences, both first and second-hand encounters, including a former gangster who shed light on why he joined a gang when he was younger.

Netizens’ comments

1. Had a few friends from a gang and they told me that they didnt have to worry about money at all. Few of my friends made abt $400 per day working as a fighter meaning that a headman of his gang wld pay him money to beat up someone.
   The higher the rank of the rival, the more money he would get. Others are vape dealers and they wld easily bring in abt 20k per month. But yeahhh theres risk though as most of them have been into RTC/prisons regularly.
2. Back then, our circle usually dealt with counterfeit items or pirated cd’s. Some of the members got caught others quit the game.
   Was it worth it? Every time. Because for me when I was secondary school, the parents were never home. Usually busy working in the office or went overseas for work.
   Other than my hired caretaker, I was mostly alone at home all the time. Gangs are what kept me social all those times ago.
3. All the gangsters I knew then are currently selling handphone screen protectors and covers
4. i was a combat medic in NS.
   saw a lot of bengs come in for processing during BMT intake. there was the normal full sleeve tattoo guys, guys with neck/face tattoos, etc.
   they talk a big game but they all cry the same way when they keng fever/heat exhaustion and get anal thermometers/drips inserted.
5. One of my teacher came from a gang neighbourhood many years ago. Fights and shouting were way too common, but the worst things are the ones who choose to take their own lives.
   Those usually were the people who borrowed ah long money and gambled away, or pissed off some gang and had their business destroyed.
   People just jumped off the HDB blocks, and the eerie thing was that people in the area got desensitised to it. He said every time it happened, people just shout “superman lai liao” then gathered around to get 4D, toto numbers
6. When I was in primary 6 back in 1998 or 1999, we got called into a school assembly in the middle of the day. The school had decided to use this as a way to inform us of the death of one of our classmates due to gang violence.
   They told us that earlier in the day, he had skipped school to hang out with some older friends that turned out to be gang members when their crew ran into another gang.
   A knife fight had ensued and he had been stabbed to death. They wanted us to know those facts before untrue rumors started to go around.
   They also wanted us to know that they’d be there for us if we needed someone to talk to. Their last reminder for us before sending us back to class was that they cared about us deeply as our families and friends did and that they would never want to go through this tragedy again so we should think more carefully on the company we keep.
   They reminded us that our actions affected more than just ourselves but also those in our lives. As we were walking back to class, I saw teachers and other students trying to fight back tears.
   That day was pretty rough on us all and from what I recall, that kid was a pretty nice guy and our school had no history of such events.
   We were in a decent neighborhood between Choa Chu Kang and Bukit Batok (or at least it was decent back then; don’t know what it’s like now since we moved to the US). I can only imagine how his family was feeling.
7. back in 2006, at ITE, me and a group of our class smokers were smoking behind one of hdb lifts void deck. We were like talking quite loud and laughing then all of a sudden i heard a loud bang behind me then alot of punches and kicking sounds.
   It lasted 10 seconds by the time we went to see what happen the attackers ran off to a taxi that was waiting for them and left.
   i can still recall how they look like from the back but not sure if its the person im thinkin of. the two victims were some sec sch students from a nearby school.
   one was hurt very bad with swollen head and the other not so much. so i told the other boy to go call ambulance asap so he ran off.
   a few mins later he came back with a bunch of his sec school friends and funny that they reacted like “wah bloody cb whos that attacker ah, we go find them and whack em”.
   I was like scolding everyone there, “i ask your friend to call ambulance, you call your hia di to come…”
   the next day we were having class then one of the attacker who i remember from the back view came in to class (he was a new student joining our class) then our group of friends were like gossiping like thats the guy!
   in the end we found out he was in a gang and was forced to be an attacker.
8. Knew this guy from ECA. He killed someone during a gang clash at Marina South. Stabbed the other guy with a knife. All these happened after secondary school. And everyone else found out because it was splashed across the headlines back then. He went to jail for 20 years. He should be out now.

Anyone else have experience with getting cheated on at the very beginning of a relationship?

I just got cheated on by my boyfriend of 2 weeks. Yes, weeks. 15 days. Yes, we were official as in we had the exclusive-boyfriend-girlfriend talk only for him to sleep with his female best friend 2 weeks after.

I broke up with him on the spot when he confessed but he keeps trying to reach out to talk and explain himself. Is this some kind of record? It’s insane to even think about. Does anyone else have a story as insane as this?

I’ve talked to a few friends who said that maybe there’s a chance for reconciliation because it was at the very beginning and it’s not like we were already in love so apparently that somehow makes it not as bad.

I don’t even know. Has anyone gone through this and actually moved past it to still see the relationship through?

I’m not saying I’m doing that, I think I just want to feel less horrible about myself and hear people’s experiences.

Netizens’ comments

1. Yes but if you let them away with it then they usually do it again . If he cheats this early then really he’s not the one for you . You can always find someone else who deserves you . It’s his loss not your
2. I would say that people who cheat once, have the propensity to cheat again. Statistically quite significantly. Given the pain I have just experienced having found out about my ex-partners affair, I’m not sure I would willingly walk into a relationship with that level of risk. You’re lucky you found this out about them now before you became too attached. Remember when people cheat, it’s about an unmet need in them, not about you. Usually low self esteem.
3. I think u should leave him and move on . He didn’t even last 15 days, you’re still in the early stages of the relationship so it won’t hurt u as much . U caught him early it’s a good thing u don’t want to invest time , love and energy in a relationship for him to cheat on u again.
4. At the beginning you’re supposed to be working on building the foundation of your relationship. People are typically on their best behavior at the beginning, so this doesn’t paint a positive picture of what his character is. If this girl where to happen to move to where you are do you think he would hesitate to dump you for her?

Boyfriend (M25) won’t help me (F25) around the house, should I leave him? I’ve been with my partner for 5 years, lived together for 3 years.

When we first started living together, I was at university studying for my masters. During this time I was not working, but i did all the cleaning, shopping, organising etc…then I started working. We split the bills 50/50.

However, over time, I started to get extremely stressed and annoyed with my partner. I work from home, so I do more housework than him anyway, but I do EVERYTHING, whilst he does the dishes once a week and thinks that’s enough.

He won’t help me around the house unless I ask him and even then he either “forgets” or does half a job. E.g. only washing half the pots.

He doesn’t see a problem with never changing the bedding, clothes all over the floor, never vacuuming, plates with mould on them, empty cans all over his room etc….

I’ve spoken about this to him so many times about this. We normally have an argument and then he cleans the house for about 2 days then he goes back to sleeping and gaming all day.

He is so lazy that he won’t even eat unless I make him something. What do I do?

Netizens’ comments

1. Ma’am, that’s not your boyfriend anymore, that’s your manchild son now.
2. It sounds like you’ve told him multiple times that you need help with cleaning, and he’s made very little effort to actually change his behavior.
   How much longer do you want to live with someone who doesn’t take care of himself? Are you interested in continuing to live the way you are now? It seems very clear at this point that nothing about your household stress will change until you decide to change it by leaving.
3. Well, that level of laziness is distressing, for sure. I would agree that he is being most inconsiderate – only you can decide what measure you have to take to either change his behavior or be done. I am curious is he has a mental disorder, considering that he also needs you to remind him that he is ‘hungry’. Do what you need to do for your own sanity – that is most important. If you are not yet at wits end, then explore other options?
4. This is who he is. A lazy giant toddler.
   You can stop washing his clothes as a protest. He’ll soon complain when he’s wearing the same dirty stuff and it won’t impact you one little bit so you should be able to continue as long as it takes before he learns.

Getting into an argument because my gf refuses to stop wearing my clothes?

To start things off I’m completely fine with my girlfriend wearing my clothes every once in a while.

Recently though, she started wearing them all the time. I’m not just talking Hoodies and Sweatshirts, but joggers, sweatpants, T-Shirts, Jackets, even socks and Boxers.

I told her she could just buy herself clothes from the men’s section since that’s not uncommon for women to do, but she doesn’t want to.

She wants specifically mine. Now of course this is annoying to me, because whenever I want to wear my favorite clothes they’re not in my closet and instead either in the wash or she’s wearing them.

Today I decided I had enough when she put on my work pants and spilled Mountain Dew on them. I told her either she buys me new ones, or she stops wearing my damn clothes.

She didn’t want to buy new ones and thinks I should just accept that this is how relationships work. I told her to f- off and went to stay at my buddy’s place.

Now in the aftermath I’m thinking I may have overreacted.

Netizens’ comments

1. she is repeatedly crossing your boundary, and taking shit that isn’t hers. That’s how toxic relationships work, not healthy ones
2. Your girlfriend seems to believe that people in relationships aren’t allowed to have boundaries. If you have a boundary that your clothing is only for you, that is absolutely valid.
   It’s fine to share clothes when both parties agree to it. She’s the one in the wrong for deciding that you must share your clothes, even though you’ve said you’re not ok with it.
3. I’ve never raided my partner’s closet so no, that’s not ‘just how relationships are’ but it’s how she wants it to be. Unfortunately for her, her partner is not feeling it which means that she can’t have that. And I get sweat shirts & tees, but your socks, underwear, and work pants? That’s just ridiculous.
4. If normal clothes I still can understand, but why the f would she need to wear your underwear for bro…
5. It sounds like she’s doing it to be close to you, which is only cute if she cares for them as if they were her own (wash and return to the shelf or closet where they belong) and if she asks you first (because they’re yours, you should have first dibs on them for any given day). She is wrong about how relationships work, but that doesn’t even matter if it doesn’t work for you in your relationship.

my bf has been ldr for almost 2 years. We are currently meeting irl for the 4th time. He has come to visit me for 2 weeks.

My parents wanted to meet up for a few hours a total of 2 times over his visit. We had dinner and spent the night. The second was to go bowling and have dinner. Both times it is like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with my family for like tops 3-4 hours. These short visits with my family mean a lot to them.

Prior to him coming I told him about the new year’s eve plans and he said he was gonna just go to sleep immediately after he got to my parent’s house. After much convincing, he stayed up until midnight and then went to sleep.

The night before we were supposed to go bowling and out to dinner he told me he didn’t wanna go and that he was gonna text them that. This upset me because I know their feelings would be hurt and it makes me feel like he doesn’t like them. I cried because of this and he changed his mind.

Once we went bowling he purposely got longkang balls so he can sit down and play on his phone again or stare into space. He told me he was bored and wanted to go back to rest. This kinda killed my mood for the night.

Besides these two times, it has been just us hanging out and doing whatever we want. I just don’t understand why it has to be so difficult to take time for them just once or twice.

How do I address this?

Here is what netizens say:

is this really the kind of guy you want to call your boyfriend? I might consider reevaluating the relationship if I were you.

Have you considered that the activities you guys were doing is not of his interest and probably nothing to do with your family?

Maybe he just don’t care and busy texting other girls lo

I (24F) met my husband (23M) met when we were 15 and 16 in secondary school. We found out I was pregnant shortly after we started dating and I gave birth to our son at 17. Since then our relationship was on a fast track and we got married at 21 after finishing school.

We wanted to bought a flat last year and my in-laws have not been super supportive of our decisions. They made constant jokes about selling their house to move in with us and bringing my husband’s 2 siblings(both adults) with them since they lived with them full time.

But it all changed when they tried to push us to buy a bigger and more expensive house (five-room) then we wanted so that we had room for the family to come to visit and stay. My MIL kept showing husband houses she liked and when he told her we were looking for something different she told him we had to “compromise for the family”.

They finally lost it on us when we told them we put an offer to a flat that is at the West side (They stayed at the East) (which was in an area we planned to move to all along we just never told them) and they didn’t handle that well. Telling me I’m taking their son and grandchild away from them. The offer went through and we moved in as soon as possible but had to deal with in-laws constantly coming to visit uninvited.

My MIL and SIL were showing up every weekend for months without calling in advance. Husband and I both tried to explain that we are constantly having to cancel weekend plans for their visits and canceling other friends and family visits because of them but they do not care. Making my home their second home, not listening to our rules, and constantly undermining me in my own home. Finally we told them if they didn’t call and ask in advance they would be turned away at the door and they stopped showing up.

2 weeks ago husband got a call from FIL saying that his job had laid him off and he would be short on expenses this month. That’s when MIL took the phone and suggested this be the perfect time for them to come move closer to us. They were already looking to sell their home and they could all come stay with us until FIL found a new job.

We told them our home couldn’t accommodate 4 more people nor could we financially support them. FIL insisted it wouldn’t be for long but he is very frugal and does not like to spend money unnecessarily and I feel like this is just an excuse to cut back on living expenses for them. I also want my son to have room to grow and have room for a second child sometime in the next year or so.

My husband is in the middle and understands why I don’t want them moving in but at the same time thinks we shouldn’t turn our backs on his family. I am torn because I think I have solid arguments for why they shouldn’t but it’s my husband’s house too and I don’t want to upset him.

How to settle?

When I first saw her, I knew she was the one. I’m not one who believe in love at first sight but seeing her had changed my mind. I had been admiring her from afar for ages.

Fate was on my side. I was transferred to her class. My class number exceeded thus I was the lucky one to switch over. She was friendly and the first person to say hi to me. I don’t know how many times my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw her.

I realised she got a bf in school. I tried to convince myself to give up. As our friendship grew I find myself increasingly attracted to her. She’s funny, cheerful, kind, beautiful inside and out. I’ve never met anyone like her. Before I know it myself, I was smitten. Actually we have become good friends. We text each other about homework and stuff. I think she has a great personality. She’s very smart and confident. She also know how to play the drums which I think is so cool. I was afraid that she would notice I’m crushing her hard so I start to distant myself a little.

I think it was meant to be. One day when I was out I saw her bf with a different girl. They held hands and acted like a couple so I don’t think its platonic. I secretly snapped a few photos.

Now I’m in a dilemma. Do I tell and show her what I saw? Or should I continue to pray that her relationship with her bf will die a natural death?

Actually under normal circumstances, if I saw something like this, I wouldn’t tell.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s not “the one” if it’s not reciprocal and she shows zero interest beyond basic friendly gestures.And unlike what many people here think, you can’t “engineer” attraction through any mechanism because she clearly did not show any in the first place.Wishful thinking is bad for you. You let your misplaced emotions cloud your judgement. Boost your testosterone and such mistakes won’t happen again.

• The guy is cheating on her with some other girl, as her friend I think you should just let her know. What happen to you two after that, whether you be together or not, leave it to fate ba.

• U have to know, even if u break the 2 of them up, she might be yours to begin with.

• I would show her the picture, as a good friend. No one deserves to get cheated. But do not expect her to fall for you just because of that.