Stingy New Husband

2 years ago, I’ve remarried. Had new baby, and 3 school-going kids from previous marriage. I must say that I was quite independant after my 1st divorce, owning and fully paying for my own 5 room HDB. I even get full custody for the kids.

My current husband is earning more than me (more than $6k a mth). He doesnt have kids from previous marriage so it was his 1st with me. He loves his daughter ALOT, but he was SUPER STINGY. By saying super stingy, I mean, he does not:

– provide money for our groceries weekly

– never pay for our family meals if we were to go out together

– always expect me to pay for meals whenever we order in

– only gave $100 mthly for utilities, thats all

– does not fork out anything extra for e.g maid

– we own a car so he wants us to 50% the loan

– expect me to fully pay for the petrol

I’ve ever brought the topic up. But we always ended up fighting cos he told me that those staying in the house, most were MY KIDS and not his. Thus its fair that I pay, not him.

Recently, I changed job due to post pregnancy stress. I took a $2k paycut. Tried explaining to him to help out with the monthly utilities as I am struggling doing so alone, but got brutally scolded by him instead. I ended up having alot of credit card loans cos whenever i don’t have enough, I am too afraid to voice out to him. Did not tell him about this, cos he will be mad if he knows that I’ve even used the baby bonus money meant for our baby.

I didn’t know he can be so mean and stingy, I really didn’t expect this from him. He had alot of savings (6 digits). All he cares about is making and saving money, nothing else… I developed anxiety and panic attacks thinking about this sometimes.

I never thought of divorce as I hate the process and going thru the agony again. And I am afraid I wont get to see my baby again, cos he ever told me that he will take her with him should we seek separation.. sometimes, I think about dying as it will be the best option for now…

I am super tired of all this.. really tired…

Here are what netizens think:

• If the wife is paying for everything, why need a husband? What is his role in the household? A FREELOADER. Next time, just don’t bring wallet out and make the husb pay for everything.

• Live a completely separate life together. If he insist, then dont pay for him. He should go out to eat on his own, do his own laundry etc. Everything exclude him. This kind of man…should make him walk out on his own.

• Marriage is no longer a beneficial arrangement for women. We should really examine things logically before letting emotions get the better of us. Why find trouble for yourself, you were happily independent caring for your own 3 kids before this. Jiayou

The frustration of a middle class whom failed to plan.

I am currently in late 30s, and currently married with 1 kid. I am earning 30k a month, and my wife is around 15k a month.

We are staying in a humble resale HDB flat in Punggol, with no maid. We basically save more then we spent, but I just cant help thinking why I am not rich at all.

Recently I met a friend that bought a BTO, and sold it for around 200 plus k profit, and bought an EC in the time being.

now he and his wife each own a condo, where as I am still staying in a HDB.

I failed to plan, and I decided to start spending effort, but met with tons of hurdles

1) EC got income ceiling, that i dont understand why? HDB yes is provide shelter for all of us, but EC with subsidies? the other plus point is that you can but the EC when launched without incurring ABSD.

2) I am so dumb not to just use 1 owner, and 1 essential occupier for the HDB, now i cant use just 1 person name to buy a condo to avoid ABSD.

3) It is so troublesome, to have to sell my hdb first then to buy the condo, if not the 17% ABSD will take a serious toll of my saving. Let said a district 9-10 condo at 3m, the ABSD will already be $510k!

Just to rant, as the journey of investment is best to start with a BTO. Also hope that middle class like us are allowed to buy an EC. There should be no restriction on income.

Here are what netizens think:

• I understand you frustration. I earn close to you.. Ard 35k per month plus minus. Wife abit more than yours.. 21k..I stayed in 4 rooms. Every month I feel the pinch of not enough cash to spend and feeling like my life if heading to a dead end. Sometimes I will argue with my wife over our finances. Really feeling the stress of Inflation and I wonder how my kids are going to survive in the future.

• Nabei! You earn $30k per month u consider yourself middle class?. Then i what? low class? CCB

• I tell u something, u be grateful for wat u have been blessed with! N just for your info ur in the top tier of earners in sg. Save enough n go make memories with your family, otherwise with ur comparing nature with others, u will hv alot of walls n concrete n metal but no memories. Good Luck!

Need a bit of advice

My father owns an old shophouse and he rents the shop out to his friend for a little more than a decade. My father passed away from cancer around a decade ago, I was still very young and my mother single handly has been raising my family and the one collecting rental from my father’s friend.

My mother (age 50’s at that time now 60’s) has been a housewife ever since she was married to my father and is not very educated.

Now that I am older, i realise they(father’s friend) have been giving the rental fee later than the appointed date every month. It gets worse every month, some months they give half the rental, some months give nothing and this has been going on for 6 to 7 years

which leads the accumulated tens thousands. I know covid happened and businesses are affected but this has been happening even before covid. Keep in mind the rental fee has been same for since they started renting.

Time to time they would cook for our family give us free cartons of drinks. I just feel my mum is soft hearted since it’s my father friend. I also don’t know what to do since they watch me since young, I do not want to disrespect the them either.

I tried confronting them but they just tell my mother I am very rude. I do not want to take any legal actions since this matter can be settle internally.

Here are what netizens think:

• Do you really need the money? Some times it is not about dollar and cents. His earlier payments could have tide your mum’s toughest period. Let them enjoy some peace and give them the space.

• Where rental to someone, theres no such thing as pay half or dont pay at all. If the shop still under his name maybe can discuss with them either wants to pull out or sell to them and get some back instead. The thing this they didnt tell ur mum if they have any difficulties for the rental payment and just keep quiet. Thats taking advantage. Did they tell u that they that they can pay half or nothing because they cook for ur family n give free drinks?

• True friends will never take advantage of each other and would observe the spirit behind any agreements. Whilst your dad might have treated them as good friends, they obviously are not on the same page. Moreover, business is business. It’s time you put your foot down and enforce the tenancy agreement. If you don’t, you are sending out the wrong message and as it gets deeper, it gets harder to deal with them.

Inhaling Smokes from Lighted Cigarettes at Home, at Carpark, at lift lobbies, when no one in the family smokes

It’s really frustrating experiencing the forced inhaling of smoke from lighted cigarettes when no one in the family smokes, worst knowing the fact that its a health hazard and damaging to our lungs when we inhale smokes from the lighted tobacco and nicotine.

When do I have to experience this on a daily basis?

I can’t even call my home, my home anymore when there are foreign invasion that I can’t avoid and stop like the unhealthy smoke and smell of lighted cigarette by strangers happily enjoying their prime time smoking at the expense of other people’s health.

We are forced to inhale the smoke from lighted cigarettes by smokers at the loading bay (The smoke actually reached the lower floors which affected several households and tens of human lives on a daily basis). We can smell the cigarettes in every corner of my 120sqm house. The smokers also casually and conveniently smoke at the lift lobbies where its less than 2meters away from residents waiting for the lifts.

The smokers also happily walk in the public pavement, smoking and forced all the passers-by to inhale the smoke from their lighted cigarettes that is damaging the passers-by lung at a certain rate, causing irreversible damage to people unknown to them, who do not deserved to be forced to inhale harmful smoke started by these smokers and gradually causing permanent damage to their lungs.

The smokers for all that they were doing to other humans, I feel that they just pretend to ignore in order to continue their pleasure of smoking.

How I wish smokers can be regulated more efficiently to ensure reduced damage and harm to other human lives around them.

Many cities in the world have banned smoking near residencies and in the public but when can cigarettes be banned in Singapore?

Please, we do not deserve to have our health affected at the pleasure of the smokers who had never apologize but caused permanent harm to human lives around them.

Please ponder harm before you smoke, please look around you before you smoke, please do not cause harm to a precious human life even for 0.01 % of permanent damage you are potential to induce with your light cigarettes. Thank you.

Love conquers all – or not.

5 years ago I got into a relationship with someone 5 years younger who makes about a fifth of my take home.

We come from different worlds. I was raised in a mid-income family, graduated from a ranked university and works as a professional. He, on the other hand, is a school dropout, works as a service crew in an F&B establishment. His family lives in a rental HDB and he has a criminal record from a minor transgression.

Though I don’t think I should be allowed to say this about myself (and him for that matter) for context I think it’s important to say that I consider the two of us fairly good-looking. I wouldn’t say I am drop-dead gorgeous but at D&Ds I would typically be selected as best-dressed – you get the drill.

I am 35 this year. My take home is a good high 5-figure. I am the eldest of 3 siblings. My younger siblings unfortunately for me, are not as high-achieving. So naturally the responsibility of caring for my aging parents falls squarely on me as the eldest and most successful.

Despite our differences, we got together and stayed in our relationship for 2 years. There was chemistry and attraction. We connected on many levels and communication was a breeze. However, our differences eventually tore us apart.

They say love conquers all. Perhaps only in movies.

I was ready and wanted to have a family but he wasn’t. And I can understand.

He did not grow up in a happy family. His parents were abusive to say the least. He does not make much. He’s been so busy “surviving” that he’s not had the opportunity to see the world and live for a bit. He was still in his early twenties. On the other hand, I was raised by responsible, loving and nurturing parents. I have had the opportunity and privilege to travel and discover myself. As someone in my late twenties, I was more certain with myself and what l wanted out of life.

The idea of buying a house and having kids excites me because of where I am in life but scary and overwhelming for him because of where he is in life – and especially so given the high costs of living here in Singapore.

I got to where I am in life partly because of good planning. So I believe in making plans and pivoting as I go. He on the other hand did not share the same experience. Growing up, he had little to no control over many of the things that went wrong for him in his life. He has learned to live in the present (as everything can go south in a split second) and anyway the present is all he can manage given where he is in life.

As a result, I approached our relationship with many exciting plans for the future. I considered the different further education I wanted to pursue to upgrade myself. The different endeavours I wish to undertake to go further in life. I made plans to future-proof ourselves financially. None of these interested him and in fact I think overwhelmed him a little. He was more interested in the present. In terms of our relationship, his focus was more on things like how we treat and make each other feel on a day-to-day basis.

Family and family ties are important to me. I believe in being a good daughter, wife and parent. He on the other hand has mentioned time and again that he would leave his parents to fend for themselves and has hinted at not wanting kids.

Our circle of friends – well, completely different but let’s not go there.

On the occasions that I spiralled from the stress of our relationship, I thought of him as irresponsible, immature and with commitment issues.

But looking back – I think we were just in different phases of life. It’s true that age is just a number and two people from different worlds could still be together. However, the reality is that we both simply have different wants and needs out of life and each other. Despite our chemistry and attraction and how well we connected, and despite how we gave our all, we both felt that each other was “lacking” and we both felt inadequate to a degree.

Needless to say, the relationship left me drained.

To me, I honestly believed that what I wanted for us would be good for him too. Since he / his family do not own any property, buying a house together with me would make a lot of financial sense as a first step towards home ownership for him. Having his own nuclear family would give him the chance to be the father he never got to his children. Hindsight, I certainly thought wrong. He wanted none of that and wasn’t prepared for any of it.

Today, I am happily married. Have a roof over my head, a pair of twins and a stable career. There’s a lot to look forward to. Occasionally though, like tonight, I’d think of my failed relationship and wonder if I’d be better off if I hadn’t had to learn things the hard way. I don’t know if I regret it though, because I came out of it wiser and more sure of who I am as a person, so for that much, I am grateful.

What car to get

Company is giving me 1.2k per month car allowance. Should I go get sth new and a higher end car such as a Tesla, Merc or BMW?

I’ll be changing jobs soon to one which need me to travel frequently around the island to meet customers. Currently do not own a car and will need to get one due to the job nature.

Some people have advised me to just be prudent and get a 2nd hand jap/ Korean car. I’m thinking firstly to get sth reliable and comfortable since I’ll be on the road often.

Sure I’ll need to use more than 50% of my savings to get a better car but since I’m only young once and it’s my first car, I hoping to get sth impressive to enjoy too. My background-26M, working for a year since grad and no other big commitments like house or marriage anytime soon.

Guys, what do you think?

Here are what netizens think:

• Take MRT and where it takes too long use grab. 1.2k will do the job easily and you don’t have to maintain a car. Less is more.

• what kind of decent car can you get with 1.2k only? lol unless you’re planning to top up quite a bit. not to mention the upfront cost assuming a decent car ( assuming the cheapest bmw 1 series is about 160k, means you need to fork out about 65k upfront.) and about 1800 per month instalment.

• Go Lambo la why not right? “Only young once” mah

• You are not exactly getting 1.2k per month after CPF deduction. Car is a depreciative asset and do you know how inconvenient of charging a Tesla? 4hours or 40mins for full charge only can travel 300km. Now COE 80k, not a wise choice to buy new car at this moment. OkI can perhaps share my true opinion here or else my business wont move.

• Go and read up and research on car ownership before you buy. 1.2k won’t even cover the instalment on a real high end car. Not forgetting insurance, for first time car owner, insurance is expensive. Then road tax 400 and above, and fuel depending on your engine capacity, easily above 100. Then season parking leh?

nsgf broken up

I’m feeling so broken. My boyfriend and I are in the midst of LDR, and we are really close to finishing LDR. He is currently serving NS, in OCS where he took up some responsibilities.

He broke up with me because he feels numb, and he does not see a future with us anymore. But deep down, I know that he still loves me, but has a lot on his plate, and is hard to deal with me as LDR requires more words of affirmation to feel the reassurance. I have honestly been the best NSGF as I could, always buying him gifts whenever he has a special occasion in NS, and my unwavering love and support towards whatever he does/ accomplished in NS. All i needed in this LDR was words of affirmation and the sign of affections, which was given all the way until he entered OCS. He blurted everything to me saying it is draining for him that i asked him if he still loves me. But i am a women after all, i have my own insecurities, which is nothing of a big issue if he just shows me the same affection. This wouldn’t be an issue at all if i were in singapore.

What went wrong in the relationship was he not being able to fully express his feelings, not because I did not allow him to. He was scared of feeling hurt and do not want to fight anymore. I’m always giving him the reassurance that it is not his fault that things happened in the relationship, but him being an over thinker, he blames it all on himself.

Now he sent me a break up text, and said that nothing is going to change his mind about breaking up. I don’t need more criticism and it is already tough for me, but I Know our relationship can be worked out, and this is just an issue that is fixable. But i’m worried that it’s because of OCS, he is just tired from everything and even giving our relationship another shot in this case.

I know this relationship can still be fixed, but i’m not sure on how to approach him. I have yet to agree with the breakup. Would love for genuine advice and no criticism as i’m already on desperate ends.

What should i do…

Why it does not pay to be kind in Singapore my

I am starting to understand that despite all the kindness movements and campaigning, it still does not pay to be kind in Singapore because a major thing is lacking: legal protection for the kind Samaritans. Let me make my point and give my story a chance before deciding to dismiss it.

Recently, I have rented a car from one of the major car sharing companies. Before anyone jumps to conclusion, this post is not a rant about said company. When returning the car, I noticed a sling bag left behind by a previous user on the floor of the car seat. I was on the verge of reporting this lost and found when I realised that:

1. I cannot assume that the bag belongs to the immediate previous car user.

2. Based on above, I cannot assume that all the items in the bag are intact.

Typically, it can be stated that people will rent cars from the location/station nearest to their house. That the cars from this particular company does not have to be returned to its original location only further complicates the possibilities as to where could the owner be staying.

I was spooked at the thought of being accused of taking things from the bag myself, and eventually decided that the “safer” option was to just leave the bag there as it is. I therefore did not report this lost and found in the end.

Although I feel bad for the poor guy’s who lost his bag, but why should I risk possible legal trouble for someone whom I have never met?

Here are what netizens think:

• I dont know the behind story but why are you thinking someone will accuse you about missing items. Overthinking is kind of mental disease. You may check?

• Your story is not about “why it does not pay to be kind” but “assuming the worst of people while imagining yourself to be a kind soul”.

• You should have kept quiet and not say anything or claim any knowledge. Now the entire Internet knows and you are incriminated. You’d better hope the bag does not contain any illegal stuff.

• It would be a genuine case of “does not pay to be kind” if the OP reported the lost item out of kindness and had to go through some adverse consequences because of this kindness. Even if something bad happened as a result of the OP trying to be kind, it also seems like he does not have faith in SG’s legal system and/or fairness in the society.