This happened at new year’s but I’m still getting scolded for it so here we are.

My brother has 2 kids with his ex wife. Ever since they split he’s been constantly saying she’s a terrible mother who doesn’t know anything about the kids and doesn’t deserve any custody of them, but the examples he gives for this seem to me like moments of absent-mindedness.

Things like her giving a wrong date of birth (she said 8th instead of 18th, then corrected herself), forgetting which kid interest is which cartoon, not knowing one of them only eats one flavor of a particular food, and buying the wrong flavor.

I know his ex, and from what I’ve seen she’s a great mom. So unless I’m seriously missing something, it seems like my brother is just exaggerating to make her look bad. I’ve also always had a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t know very much about his kids.

His wife had them for new year’s and I figured he’d have a lot to say about it, so I found out some info about the kids and when he started claiming his ex knows nothing about the kids and is therefore a terrible mother I quizzed him on his kids. It was pretty simple stuff, favorite toys, teacher’s names, allergies, favorite colors, favorite TV shows, what they want to be when they grow up. He didn’t do very well. Incidentally, my other brother and sister knew all of that information about their own kids.

My brother was mad at me then and is still mad at me over 2 weeks later. My parents say I need to apologize for embarrassing him in front of the whole family. I think if he was gonna claim his ex knows nothing about their kids and that makes her a bad mom, he should be prepared to demonstrate that he actually knows things about them.

Should I apologize?

Here are what netizens think:

• This! He’s mad because you’ve highlighting an issue that he’s uncomfortable with about himself. His anger is clearly deflected embarrassment about himself. If he comes to you for another apology I’d double down and let him know how transparent he is. He’s letting his children down and making a show of himself.

• Better still tell him you will apologize if he can tell you the answer to a question about his kids.

• Yep and tbh, I would think he’s probably a bit of a narcissist. Seems like he’s trying to get out ahead of it

So fun fact the first (and only) time i’ve ever tried to have intercourse, i had an anxiety attack after i took my shirt off and after the other party calmed me down

I left quite quickly and never spoke to them again (which i feel kinda guilty about but then again they never tried to contact me again and we were never in an established relationship)

Snd since then i have actively avoided any kind of intimacy despite my craving for physical connection and someone who cares about me.

Yea im really touch starved and want a relationship but also dont for obvious reasons….so yeah

Netizen’s comments

• May sound like odd advice, but why not find someone to help you get over it?
  If you’re into any genders and you explain the situation (how you fear intimacy), I’m sure a friend could help you get over it.
  I used to suffer from performance anxiety, I had a close friend agree to let us explore each other and after that I never felt awkward again in a bedroom.

I finally graduated from uni last year ( i was from NUS) and eventually got a job which on paper doesn’t really appear very good, but it pays well.

I don’t work in aircon,
I don’t have fixed schedule,
I don’t have a very classy job where you wine and dine in some fancy restaurant.

But I bring home $10k/mth. Not even kidding.

Anw I have difficulty knowing what to do with all this money. I’m so used to being a broke uni student, eating $5 meals, fast food or hawker.

Waiting until first train after a night out clubbing so I don’t have to cab. Going on dates with men just to get a free dinner. Lol.

Anw, I’ve been working rly hard and think I deserve to treat myself but idk what to buy bc I’ve never really eyed luxury goods before.

So now my question to y’all is… what’s the latest trends in bags, watches or (I would say holiday destination but it’s covid now) clothes etc.?

I alr have investments and a small apartment abroad. It actly kinda sucks to be the only one doing well when my friends are earning ~$3k or recently retrenched.

I try to stay humble or treat them to a meal. I have no interest in a car. I don’t rly engage in any vices like drugs, alcohol, ciggs.

The most I’ve spent so far is pocket money to my parents and donation. I guess I’m so used to being a broke student that I don’t really know how to be rich. Haha. Please teach me. Thank you

Netizens’ comments

1. Just save the money in the bank lah. Why must you spend it? Life is unpredictable. An illness or accident can turn life upside down unless we have hundreds of thousands in bank.
2. Give your parents a comfortable life. Help your siblings if they needed. Don’t quarrel with your siblings just you are rich. Save your money and set up a family.
3. Everyone thinks they’re rich until they check how much COE costs

 I woke up with a start, heart racing and a sudden wave of nausea washing over me. It had been a nightmare, but the words still echoed in my mind: “Girl open leg get everything, guy open kena say lan pa smelly.” As a man, these words felt like a punch to the gut. It was a clear example of a double standard, one that I was all too familiar with.

Growing up, I was exposed to countless examples of sexism and double standards that were imposed on both men and women. I remember hearing that women should “know their place” and be seen, not heard. On the other hand, men were expected to be strong and stoic, to take charge and never show emotion. It was drilled into my head that men should never cry, that it was a sign of weakness.

At the time, I accepted these double standards as the norm, not realizing how deeply they affected me. But now, as an adult, I can no longer ignore the reality that these double standards are damaging to both men and women.

The phrase “girl open leg get everything, guy open kena say lan pa smelly” is a perfect example. It implies that a woman must be willing to give up her virtue in order to get what she wants, while a man must stay silent in order to maintain his honor. This type of thinking reinforces the idea that women are merely objects for men to use and discard.

It is completely unfair and demeaning to both genders. It implies that women are only valuable when they are giving something to a man, while men have no value unless they are silent and obedient. This type of thinking is outdated and dangerous, and it has no place in our society.

What’s more, this type of thinking is damaging to both men and women. It perpetuates the idea that men should be stoic and emotionless, while women should be passive and compliant. This type of thinking can lead to mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, as well as an inability to form meaningful relationships.

The phrase “girl open leg get everything, guy open kena say lan pa smelly” is an example of a double standard that needs to be addressed. We need to recognize that these types of statements are wrong and hurtful, and we need to do our part to end them.

We need to start by teaching our children that no one should be judged by their gender. We need to teach them to respect everyone, regardless of gender. We also need to teach them to speak up when they hear someone making a statement like “girl open leg get everything, guy open kena say lan pa smelly”.

Back in 2018 after graduating from uni, I got a job at a very famous bank, where I was placed into a team with one of the heaviest workloads in the whole department.

There was so much work my teammates and I would mostly tabao and eat lunch at our desks, and we were OTing like everyday. I only managed to stay with them 9 months but I vividly recall crying in the atas toilet and crying on the grab home at 2am every month end.

I had nightmares, mood swings, panic attacks before month end and fell sick very often from burning the midnight oil. I had sought advice from my family and boyfriend but they just told me to stop being such a pussy. (Great support system right)

Because I was always applying for jobs, I had to secretly attended my job interviews during my lunch break, lying to their HR that my current job didn’t allow me to learn much and other excuses (just employ me plsss). I think I attended close to 15 interviews before landing a FT offer at an MNC, and the HR assured me they adopted a good work life balance culture.

I deliberated this offer for awhile as I wanted to see if there were better ones. At that time my mother had to suddenly undergo surgery so I requested to take leave to look after her. My manager said no. The leave quota had already been filled so I had to work.

That was the final straw for me. To me I had been working for 8 months, OT-ing daily, suffering so much and my manager was indirectly saying “work comes first, I don’t care about your family”.

I stepped outside my office and used my phone to email the other company accepting their offer, went back to my desk and did what had only been a dream to me since week 2.

I copied a resignation template off Google, typed in my notice period with my last day of service, printed it and handed it to my manager. It was 31 Dec 2018, what a way to start the new year right.

Served my notice, got out of that hellhole and started my next job at the MNC and I’m still working here today. I really love what I do now and am so much happier. Plus I get to leave work at 5pm on the dot 今天明天every天 yayy. Absolutely zero regrets quitting my previous job.

I’d say that if you’re financially able to sustain yourself in the next 6 months pls do your mental health a favour and leave. But before you start on your next job ask yourself what is the problem with your current role. Do you not like the type of work? The people? The amount of work? The culture? etc…

Once you can identify the issue, address it in your next job interview, see what your prospective employer has to say and gauge if you’re a good fit for the role.

I have always wondered why some people in Singapore appear to be upset with Malaysians coming to Singapore to work and not spending money here.

Caveat, I’m not a Malaysian but my whole family on my mother’s side is.

Malaysians come to Singapore to work. They don’t come here and we pay them for doing nothing. They do something for our companies, and our companies pay them money for it.

Our companies, in turn, produce goods and services for the consumption of Singaporeans, and for export, from which we make money that eventually gets paid to Singapore-based workers, most of whom are Singaporeans.

The reason why there are so many jobs in Singapore, even for Singaporeans, is the availability of a high-quality labor market, of which, nearly 2 million are foreigners, a plurality of whom are Malaysian.

The presence of Malaysian workers make our industries more viable than if we were an island of 3 million. The presence of Malaysian workers enable us to fill in all the gaps in the labor market that we would otherwise find great difficulty in doing ourselves.

The presence of Malaysian workers, reduces the insurmountable costs that our government budgets every year to support families in the raising of children.

We don’t have to bear a single cent to raise from infancy, an accountant from Malaysia, who did her schooling in Malaysia, and subsequently earned an accredited degree from a reputable university in Australia.

Make no mistake, our economy owes an enormous debt to the many Johoreans, brothers, who come across the borders every single day.

What they do with their money is their prerogative. They earned it. The least we can do is to acknowledge the fact that we’re not the center of the universe.

Netizens’ comments

1. Funny because they’re the ones choosing to come and take advantage of the better currency rates. Same can be said for other foreigners from other countries with weaker currencies. They’re paid for their work here and nobody owes them anything.
2. We need each other. We need them to fill on the shortage of labour. They also need the currency for living. Instead of bragging who gave who a better life. We should be thankful to each other.
3. Own them? So, when our employers hire us for the job, they own their success through us? It may be true but bear in mind, we are paid. It’s a 2 way street.