Walked out of an interview since they kept me waiting. First time!

I got there 15 minutes before the interview start time. I was told that the VP I was interviewing with was “finishing up a phone call” and would be just about 10 more minutes. Totally fine.

20 minutes go by. “Just a few more minutes” I am told by the same receptionist. Another 15 minutes go by. At this point, I’m done.

I walk up to the receptionist and told him that clearly this was a bad time for the VP, please have them call me when they are available, and I do not appreciate my time being wasted. They said ok, and I walked out.

Waiting to see if I get a call from the VP. Receptionist certainly had a shocked pikachu face when I told him I was leaving.

Netizens’ comments

1. I’ve done this too depending on how the HR or recruiting team acts. If they’re sorry and apologize it’s fine and I move forward.
   If they’re rude and try to make it seem as if I should even be grateful for the “opportunity “, I leave. The reason is because if they’re this bad at hiring, they’re going to be worse to work with.
2. I once got an interview set up for a Tuesday at 1300 over the phone. Great, I had nothing going on at that time, so I waited patiently. 1330, nothing yet, maybe they’re running late, no big, I’m chilling at home.
   1500 rolls around, and I’m irritated. I have no number to call to follow up.
   Wednesday at 1300, I get a call from a number I don’t recognize. I answer, and it’s them. I’m irritated, so I laid into the interviewer for not double checking the day/time they scheduled me for and told them I’m no longer interested since this reflects poorly on them.
   Had another interview set up later in the week anyway that I wanted more, got the job with no issues other than emails weren’t going through on their end because they tried sending through indeed, and indeed flagged it as spam.
   Easy fix, she emailed me directly, and we had a laugh about how the stuff you don’t want shows up, but necessary ones show up in spam 90% of the time.
   Love the new job, by the way.
3. I had been working as receptionist for a company for about a year when they then needed to hire new staff. The aplicant arrived and the two managers who were to be interviewing them were chatting in an office (behind closed doors). They were aware that the applicant had arrived. After about 15 mins I went in to remind them that the applicant was waiting. They didn’t seem fussed, and it was another 10 or so mins before they finally called the applicant in.
   After the interview had ended, I asked why tf they delayed interviewing this person for so long.
   “Oh, it’s a strategy we like to use to see how personable someone is, you know, do they strike up conversation with the receptionist or do they just look at their phone?”
   These pathetic and ill-mannered individuals were really just getting off on some power play. Bleugh.

Am I obliged to find someone to cover me on a day I requested for leave? Context in post

I am a contracted employee working fixed amount of days per week which includes a Saturday. Recently, I worked over the Good Friday which entitles me to an off in-lieu. I asked my HR manager if I could take it on a specific Saturday in May and she asked me to ask my other coworker if she could cover me as I work alone in another mobile location.

Previously, I took a 2.5-day no pay leave after getting the same coworker to help cover me. And for that, I also had to ask the coworker myself. I have a “senior” teaching role in the enrichment industry. Inverted commas because, they give it to anyone who has worked there beyond a year and ask for a pay increase. I don’t get paid for no pay leaves or MC.

My coworker mentioned that it is not legal for a manager to ask an employee to find a cover. But I can’t find the information on that so I took it with a grain of salt.

I find it weird that I have to find someone to cover me instead of my HR manager managing the roster in which we do have weekend part timers to bolster gaps if someone in the main workplace has to go on leave. Am I really obliged to find a cover to claim my off in-lieu or any leave that I ask for at least 3 weeks in advance?

Thanks

Netizens’ comments

1. I feel the onus should be on the manager to find someone to cover for you. You are owed an off in lieu, you should be able to clear it with no strings attached.
   The manager is just lazy and trying to pass the buck off to you.
2. Ensuring that the work is covered is literally the human resource manager’s job.
   Off the top of my head I doubt that it’s illegal to ask you to help find cover… but anyhow your employer can’t exactly deny you your off-in-lieu break even if you can’t arrange for cover.

Do most Singaporeans lack the ability to appreciate?

Hi peepo,

Lately, after having a HTH with a friend about certain issues and how actions and intentions were percieved by different parties, I’ve come to realise that gestures and deeds of goodwill are taken for granted, viewed as an expectation rather than something more.

For example, with the constant posts about reserved seating, do people stop appreciating the gestures of giving a seat because it has become mandated by posters and social conditioning?

For another example, gift giving. Back in uni, a certain social group I was in created a group chat that tracked the birthdays of different members/people of interest, where the group will collate gift ideas and spread the cost among the members. Back when money was tight for me, I skipped out on putting my name in for one occasion and was ostracized for it, being named and shamed on the spot. I feel like gifts should be personal instead of being a chore and would rather buy something that I felt the best for the reciever. Point being that sometimes, gift giving felt like a chore/obligation instead of it being a sincere gesture of friendship.

Other examples from different threads also point out about being used as a friend, where friendships are transactional. I do understand that sometimes friendship requires kinship, where something in common or something transactional could fulfil the criteria. In my experience, sometimes intentions behind certain gestures are not interpretated correctly due to difference in values which leads to misunderstanding, which caused me to feel unappreciated for my well-intentioned actions.

In broader terms, do we as a nationality lack the empathy to appreciate the actions that others do? Be it spouse, friends, colleagues, event organizers, service workers, healthcare workers? Or am I just being too idealistic. Do other countries or societies have it better or worse?

Netizens’ comments

Isn’t your post also a result of the lack of appreciation?

TLDR: Be the change you wish to see. Also, don’t let your world be filled with all that is wrong and miss out on all that is right.

“For example, with the constant posts about reserved seating, do people stop appreciating the gestures of giving a seat because it has become mandated by posters and social conditioning?”

Sure, some people make the headlines for feeling entitled to reserved seating but so many others appreciate when seats are given up. It especially warms my heart when I see someone giving up their seat and the reciprocation of a warm smile and a sincere thank you which is most days, most of the time. I can’t even remember the last time I personally saw a nasty interaction over reserved seats.

“Point being that sometimes, gift giving felt like a chore/obligation instead of it being a sincere gesture of friendship.“

I’d attribute this to being young and immature more than anything. If anyone continues to experience this into adulthood, I’d question their choices in friends rather than expect their friends to change.

i.e. I have friends that love giving gifts while I don’t, while I express my affection in acts of service mostly. They have never asked for a gift they felt I owed them, neither have I expected them to do more for me.

“In my experience, sometimes intentions behind certain gestures are not interpretated correctly due to difference in values which leads to misunderstanding, which caused me to feel unappreciated for my well-intentioned actions.”

As you grow older, you should begin to realise people are not mind readers. If you ask me, this is a bigger issue with Singaporeans. Their inability to communicate effectively.

i.e. Friend X asks me if I think friend Y feels they are too <insert query>. I’d simply go into the group chat and go, Hey Y do you think X is <insert query>?

Don’t guess, don’t assume, don’t expect your friends to know how you feel and think if they don’t maybe they aren’t your true friends at all. If you can’t even trust them to handle a simple query, why are you even friends? This does not apply only to friendships but all relationships.

Do you feel that singapore is only for people who have a smooth life ?

Im middle class who lives in a 3 room flat.My dad was a chronic gambler who every month gambled his all of his pay away and my traditional mom refuse to divorce him.

Every month the night before payday he comes home at 5am gambles all his pay at the gambling den at chinatown. When he lost he come back and beat up my mom until once my mom had head bleeding and spat at my mom. My mom supported the family using her pay of 2.5k.

We couldn’t qualify for any financial aid because of my dad pay.

I did manage to get ok o level to the polytechnic , however at that point I didn’t have good emotional sense to manage the chaos at home. My dad lost his job and it was madness. I dropped out of poly and did odd jobs.

So after that I did a private diploma and I faced so much prejudice during the interviews and in daily life.

Singapore is only a place for people who are lucky enough to have a smooth life

Netizens’ comments

1. You did great with the cards you were dealt.
   SG is definitely a place for ppl who are at least middle/upper middle class – you can solve a lot of problems with money like e.g. if your mom earned 10-15k instead. She could definitely support you + you wouldn’t have needed to drop out and work odd jobs. Money allows you to pay away some of the important problems in life like all the minor stresses of budgeting, etc or the over reliance on a single parent.
   But this is the same problem in most cities I guess, and the definition of a smooth life can vary too. You could move into the desert and join a wandering tribe, living the rest of your days there and you could live a smooth life. But is that what you want?
2. Singapore is playground for the filthy rich. But i believe the education and to some extend meritocratic system allows for relatively easy upward socioeconomic mobility from lower to middle class.
   But this is based on the assumption that you are smart and can achieve good academic results. But obviously IQ is normally distrbuted, so u need to be at least average. Along with some good life choices, this alone can move you into middle or upper middle class.
3. Actually, I don’t.
   Singapore is certainly great for people who have a smooth life but it’s also not so bad a place for those who have to rise up from more challenging circumstances.
   And I am saying this as someone who has never met his parents, raised by strangers, lived in rental flats for decades and, like you, a school dropout (twice) who have also done his fair share of odd jobs. I get your frustration being less well-off, being seen as inferior academically and losing out on having a proper family.
   With our circumstances, life will be challenging regardless of the country we are born in. Perhaps some countries might be better for people like us, but I like to think our life will be worse off in many many many other countries. Imagine being born in any country around Singapore. Not any better, right?
   I am literally an uncle now. And I look back and I feel kind of lucky that in all places I could have been born in, I was born here.
   In Singapore, poverty does not default us to a life of crime. We are also safe from serious crimes. We are free to choose our religion, or none at all. The environment is beautiful. We have the NLB. Great internet. Wr have beaches. Everywhere’s clean. Decent healthcare. We have air-conditioned places we can hang out for free to hide from the Sun. There are always jobs available locally, so we don’t have to slave in another country.
   Our financial system is great – and this is a big one for me, once you have some income going, you have easy access to loans. You can use the loans to make progress. Or buy stuff. I also like to think we have relatively cheap luxuries. SAFRA gyms and swimming pools come to mind. CC courses.
   Our currency is so strong, even I, a short man, can become an attractive male to many ladies beyond our shores. Also, being born here means with some hard work and discipline, I have the option to retire elsewhere later in life, in relative comfort, if I want.
   Most Singaporeans I’ve met are actually good people. Many are understanding and are very willing to help. Sure, many will ask questions and doubt the veracity of our tales, but these questions mostly stem from a curiosity of a backdrop unfamiliar to them. Singaporeans are generally nice people and many will want to give the underdogs a chance. Who doesn’t like Rocky?
   Maybe I am wrong objectively and Singapore’s truly solely for the rich and smooth sailing lives.
   But if I have to view the glass, I will, sure as hell, choose to view it as half-full and enjoy the half that I have. We can’t change glasses now anyway, can we?

Some views from a Singaporean Chinese

I find that a lot of people really confuse us with Chinese. As a Singaporean Chinese, I have never admitted to having any connection with the current Chinese other than the so-called “bloodline”.

I don’t accept them, and I don’t want to be accepted by them, too. I consider myself as a Singaporean, not a Chinese; Part of Southeast Asia, not part of China.

I have become even more convinced of this through my interactions with the Chinese I have come to know.

It makes me feel cold that they are now severely constrained by the policies of the ccp, as evidenced by the zero covid policy they have described.

Also, I’ve found that speaking Chinese in front of Chinese friends doesn’t make them think you’re one of their group (and maybe speaking English will make them think better of you), it just makes them think you’re an outsider. Even if I go to China, I won’t be considered as a companion for speaking Chinese.

Netizens’ comments

1. We are Chinese, Singaporean Chinese. If you are born in America then you are American Born Chinese. You can say we are Singaporean First then Chinese. Still no matter how you slice it, fact is we are BORN Chinese. We cannot run away from that.
   However just like many millions of Overseas Chinese, we do like or agree with Communist Party of China. Infact even lots of China own local population (mainland Chinese) do not like or agree with CPC.
   Anyway we all (overseas Chinese) do not grow up in the same way as local mainland Chinese so not identifying with them is normal.
   Chinese history goes thousands of years back. Not agreeing with CPC does not make us less Chinese.
2. I think we should start using the term PRC in our discourse more often. Being Chinese and being PRC means two very different things.
3. Bro, we are Chinese by race, just not Chinese by nationality. I think u confused the two sia…

Smart casual attire

So I just started work at this place and they stated smart casual attire. I wore culottes and a plain t shirt on the first few days and it was fine, I also saw many other guys wearing graphic tees and jeans. Including guys from my team.

But then my manager (a lady) asked me if I hv any dresses and if I could wear OL dresses. I’m just not comfortable in dresses. It’s not a customer facing role in any way, just normal office work. I do have more formal blouses that I can wear, but somehow my manager wants me to wear dresses.

Is it normal? Tbh I dk why guys can wear so comfy clothes and I’m asked to wear dresses which I dont like and I hv to specially buy for no reason. If everyone, even the guys are wearing formal, I understand.

Netizens’ comments

1. Apologize that you’re uncomfortable with dresses, and that you’ll match your dress code to the rest of the office.
   Then wear jeans to work
2. I think this is OP’s first full-time job. Not sure if this is good advice because doing this could be seen as a “smart alec move” by the manager, especially for a fresh grad. OP’s manager probably wants her team to look better in front of her boss – maybe to OP’s manager, everyone dressing well shows she has “good control” over her team.
   Not saying this because I agree with OP’s manager but I would suggest to OP to talk to her manager first – let her know you need more time or at least, after first salary credit before you could buy more dresses. Besides, as a new staff, you need more “friends” at work who you could approach/help you navigate around. Having your manager who has something against you is bad bad bad. Especially when you’re on a contract role and she has a say whether it gets extended or not. Unless it isn’t an extendable role. But don’t forget the job market is quite bad now ~
3. By right, T shirt is too informal for smart casual. So the guys wearing graphic tees and jeans are under-dressed.
   But for some unknown/personal reasons, this lady manager feels like she should pick on you, a woman, rather than the guys. This is annoying, but what you can do is to wear your more formal blouses with culottes, jeans, long pants etc. And see what happens.
   If she still picks on your attire, ask her why only dresses are acceptable, and that you’re not comfortable wearing dresses and having to be careful about upskirt exposure. Ask her where in the employee handbook it says that female staff have to wear dresses, is it a company-wide policy or limited to certain roles?

Can disobedience be taught or trained?

The context is that I learnt so much more about the value of disobedience in the army. I was one of those JC students who only does what I’m told, while I see the poly grads and ITE grads knowing when and what commands to ignore, and actually winning the respect of peers and commanders in the process.

It’s as if they knowingly disobeyed, and actually got more out of it for everyone.

Is there some kind of step by step guide to learn this? Some framework or heuristic? I’m starting to see it as an important skill for life, but where do I start without getting myself fired or worse?

Netizens’ comments

1. This is the most JC thing I’ve read, but I applaud you for wanting to improve yourself.
   I’d say instead of reading or learning specifically when to disobey, I’d say go read psychological books. Learn about the psychology of people.
   But if you’d still want to learn. Go read about this thing called transactional analysis. Specifically, the book “Games People Play”. Great book.
2. This is actually a really good question. I would say that what you consider disobedience might be people standing up for their principles or ethics that go against what higher authorities are commanding them to do.
   Standing up for what you believe in might be sometimes considered disobedience but it does garner you respect
3. This is just called street smart rather. You can learn through books, like some recommended, but the best way to learn is to meet different kinds of people and observe and just understand why they do things in a certain way.
   Im pretty sure if you ask those people how they learn those kinds of skills, they wont really know how to answer cos they just dont pick those skills up deliberately.
   For me, i just pick it up based on my interaction and observation with different kinds of people. And just unconsciously apply them.
4. Blind disobedience won’t gain you any respect except from scrubs. The one that you are talking about usually stems from disobedience because it goes against the values of a person. In essence it’s about standing up for yourself.