I was looking forward to catching up with my friend over a cup of coffee. I had known him for a few years and we had grown close over time.

We had been through a lot together and I always enjoyed catching up with him.

Told me that he broke up with his girlfriend because she was too immature, keep finding fault and creating problems

When I arrived at the coffee shop, I could tell something was wrong. My friend had a sombre look on his face and he seemed distant. He was usually the optimist in our group, so this was very unusual.

I asked him what was wrong and he told me he had just broken up with his girlfriend.

I was surprised because his girlfriend seemed so perfect for him. She seems mature, understanding and supportive.

They had been together for a few years and I had been expecting them to get married soon. I asked him what had happened and he told me that she was too immature for him.

He said that she was always finding fault with the smallest things and was always nagging him. She was always trying to control him and was not supportive of his dreams and ambitions.

He said that it was draining him emotionally and he had to make the decision to break up with her.

I felt so bad for him. He had told me how he was hoping to find someone who would be supportive of him and lift him up, not bring him down. I knew how important it was for him to have someone in his life who would be a source of love, strength, and support.

He told me that he felt he had done the right thing and that it was important for him to be with someone who was mature and understanding.

He also told me that it was important for all men to have a woman in their life who was supportive and understanding.

He also said that all men deserved to be with someone who could accept them for who they are and help them achieve their goals.

Of course he said that there is a need to be realistic in what we want also and not just pick on women who pick on us for the smallest things.

Why won’t his D go in and why is it painful?

So me and my boyfriend are both virgins, and we starting talking about possibly having intercourse about a month ago, and today we decided to do it. However, it went horrible.

Any time he tried to put his D in me, it just wouldn’t work, like wouldn’t go in anywhere.

So I tried putting it in where I thought was the right spot, but it was so incredibly painful (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance so it really hurt).

It never hurts when he fingers me or anything like that, so I was kinda confused why it hurt so bad.

He then tried fingering me again after that, to like try to open it up or something and I think I was just dry at that point because that also really hurt.

I’ve been told that the first time is supposed to hurt but that was extremely painful, so is that normal?

We tried for almost an hour for something to happen, and just nothing. I ended up just crying at the end cause I felt really bad that I wasn’t able to get it in.

My boyfriend reassured me that it was fine, but I just feel like I’m broken or something.

Netizens’ comments

1. This is actually quite similar to how my first time went. I’m sorry!! Definitely lube will help. Like, a lot of lube. Try to relax and not stress. I know that’s easier said than done. Definitely don’t underestimate fore play.
   Some people say being on top your first time is best so you can control the pace, but in my experience that just makes my muscles tense more, making the entrance tighter.
   Honestly, depending on how big he is, and your anatomy in comparison, it might hurt regardless during the first time.
   Using a toy a little smaller than him alone or together might also help. Also, if you or he can make you come before penetration, that may also help you relax emotionally and physically.
   That won’t work if all you want to do is curl up and sleep after orgasming, though. Good luck!!
2. Everyone is different, but most of your problem is likely the lack of lubrication and nervousness making you tighter so he can’t penetrate. Relax those muscles and don’t clench when he tries to slide it in.

As a foreigner living in Singapore, can someone explain the Buddhist paper burning to me?

I’m gonna be honest, this is coming from a place of frustration especially today 🙁

We stay on the second floor of an HDB block, and there have been people who burn on the grass directly below our window. There’s no designated burning bin there, but I’m not sure if that’s okay?

We’ve seen people setting up both the sticks (sorry I’m unfamiliar with the correct language!) and also burning the papers. I am also pregnant and the smoke is not great for both me and my baby.

Can someone please explain the significance of the burning? I want to ask people to move to a designated burning area, but I’m not sure if it would be rude for me to ask– since I’m not sure how sacred the act of burning actually is I’m not sure if I should interrupt.

Besides my obvious personal annoyances, I’m also pretty shocked at this regular practice considering how bad it is for the environment! Have there been any attempts to modify the ritual to make it more eco friendly over the years?

I hope I’m not offending anyone…just hoping to hear some personal descriptions rather than the general statements I can find on Google. Thanks all.

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s basically offerings to either deities or people who have passed away.
   It’s unfortunately not illegal what they are doing, though it’s highly irresponsible. I would suggest approaching them nicely about it and point out your pregnancy, and if you can find the proper burning bin area, direct them to it.
   Most people would be okay to shift their burning spot if asked nicely, so do just give it a try first before attempting to escalate.
   Practice is likely to die out in a couple more generations, but for now it’s just something that will happen.
2. It’s for the spirits/gods/ancestors/whatever.
   It’s entirely possible to do it in a considerate way. The Buddhist/Taoist temples/organisations and the Government have been telling people to do it properly for ages.
   But these inconsiderate people simply don’t care. They’re not the ones having to clean up the mess (the poor foreign workers do that).
   That said, if you are a foreigner, I’d advise you to refrain to telling them off. You don’t want an “incident” even if you’re perfectly in the right.

I’m going to leave my boyfriend because he refuses to work less

My boyfriend (26m) and I (26f) have been together for 3 years now. We have had a rocky relationship as I was fresh from a divorce when I met him.

After the first year, we kind of got our footing and the chemistry we shared was unlike anything I’d had before. By year 2, we moved in together. It’s been 15 months living together now and I am the loneliest I have ever been.

He started a new position when we first moved in together and quickly advanced with the company. He did so by working multiple 10-12 hour days every week, and working half days on Saturday.

He thinks if he keeps up the pace, he can have enough savings to buy investment properties and live off passive income within the next 3 years.

It’s a cool plan for someone who is diligent enough to do it, and i have no doubts he can. But he’s literally killing his body in the process.

He has had multiple abscesses start appearing all over his body, he is vomiting every morning, he sleeps 5 hours a night and i can see the tiredness in his eyes.

I have tried being a voice of reason, telling him to go to the doctor and to please just work a few less hours a week.

He’s in finance so it’s not like a life or death situation. He refuses to listen to me, that he knows best and that the time he spends working is worth it all.

I’ve also tried telling him lately how bad my eating disorder has been lately. He is refusing to listen when I say I need more one on one time with him and genuine connection with him.

Even with my asking, he continues with either his never ending working or he goes to hang out with his brother.

Last night our issues came to a head, and i couldn’t stay quiet. He went to a beautiful restaurant, alone, and i ate ramen at home.

He got home, and went straight to his emails. I said “wow can’t even say how was your day?” And he fired back immediately.

He said some pretty harsh stuff and I won’t say I’m innocent with my word choices, but he basically said “I’m giving everything I can to you, if you need more then go find it”.

and I think that’s when it hit me that I’m done trying to fight for him. It won’t change. He can not prioritize me the same way I do for him.

This morning (a Saturday), he went straight to work at 6am, and finished at noon. He then went out to eat with his brother.

I just wanted to get it off my chest that I hope he does become the successful man he dreams to be. And I hope I find the love of a partner that values emotional connection as much as i do.

Has anyone been scolded by aunties/uncles for not dressing or acting modestly in public?

Context

Got a piercing done recently and I have been thinking about wearing a skimpy outfit in public that will show it off.

Surprisingly, what really put me off the idea wasn’t being harassed by guys my age, but the thought of aunties pulling me aside to scold LOL.

I told my friend and she agreed it would be more of aunties scolding than anything.

Out of curiosity, has anyone has been scolded by aunties/uncles in public for not dressing or acting modestly?

I personally haven’t, but an auntie did comment to me about the way another girl was sitting (she wasn’t wearing a skirt or dress so it was still okay to me, but auntie didn’t think so).

Here are what netizens think

• I think Aunties won’t confront but they will comment loud enough for the whole bus to hear.
  
• Nah not for those reasons OP mentioned but did got scolded by a auntie just cause I pulled down my mask for 3 seconds on a bus to wipe my nose. I ran for the bus so was kinda sweaty and wanted to wipe my sweat.
  
  Auntie kept accusing me for being sick and blowing my nose on her. Almost got into an argument with her on a moderately crowded bus near 7am on a workday.
  
  Ultimately decided the drama wasn’t worth it but was kinda pissed off tbh. I just went to the lower levels of the bus but can still hear her b-ching from the top level.
  
• Only my mother, she used to keep telling me not to wear low-cut or backless tops (but super short skirts are okay with her, idk what’s her problem with my torso).
  
  I got sick of it and started saying things like, “Ew, stop objectifying my neh-nehs, I’m your own daughter,” and “Can’t believe I’m being harassed by my own mother, gross!” She was so disgusted that she stopped commenting on anything I wear lol.
  
  Oh also my actual aunt once saw me just sitting and talking with 3 male friends at a coffee shop and went to tell my mother I’m hanging out with men and she should marry me off. ???? Idk what sense that made to my aunt but my mother and I laughed about it.

Dating life is taking a toll on my mental health. Singles who are leading a fulfilling life, how do you do it?

Context

Have started seeing a therapist recently but am seeking some advice or just a listening ear here. Female in my 30s, have been single for the past few years.

While I don’t mind doing things (watching movies, eating out or shopping) on my own, I still desire very much for the emotional intimacy of a relationship.

Most of my friends are either married or very focused on their careers. For the past year, I’ve been on so many dates.

Been caught in a few situationships, met a couple of guys who were looking for something serious, and things seemed to go well until someone (usually them) ends things.

I’m able to get matches on dating apps every day and that led to me jumping from one guy to the next very quickly once something ends.

However this cycle of jumping and getting hurt so many times in the process has been hard on me emotionally, and I’m now completely drained.

I feel like I need a break from the apps, but my instinct is always to go in and swipe whenever I feel lonely.

Yesterday I went on a first date that I’ve been looking forward to but was so disappointed because he looked very different from his photos.

This morning I’ve also decided to stop replying to a guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months because I felt like it was turning into a situationship again, which is really disappointing.

I just feel really down. I used to suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, and recently the feeling is starting to creep back, which is why I went to see the therapist.

My work is fine, and I’m also taking a part time degree. I enjoy studying and learning but it has also contributed to the stress, and left me with very little time to pursue my own interests.

Financial advisory firms

Why are so many financial advisory firms hiring so aggressively at the moment? Go to any job or internship website and they continuously spam everywhere.

Is it some kind of MLM or Ponzi scheme? If so why is there not much regulation in this field?

Also they claim to be making millions every year in the industry and have overseas trips every few months.

How is this industry so profitable?

Here are what netizens think

• Don’t believe everything you see on the Internet lah. as with all social media, you only see the vocal minority trumpeting their every success. To think that is representative of everyone in the industry is simply naive.
  
• You get referral fees for grabbing new agents plus you get to scam people into investing 100k at 5% fees to yourself without needing to deliver any performance. Not illegal, govt not gonna do anything.
  
  Same thing as “beauty packages” but much higher quantum because people invest their life savings. The firm itself makes money via loans/investment in shares
  
• Many of these financial firms earn through fees, not the actual investment. Their clients take all the risk, the firms take all the profit.
  
• Cos university semesters are ending soon, influx of fresh hungry grads who may not have found a job yet.
  
• It all boils down to gambling at the end of the day. High risk high reward. Everyone wants to be the one that wins and not the rest that loses.

Why are some merchants/hawkers so pressed with CDC vouchers?

Context

I was ordering chicken rice from a hawker. They had the CDC sticker so I asked to use CDC vouchers.

Uncle was quite tilted but scanned it anyway. He then said I can only pay with cash? When there’s a Paylah QR code and no “cash only” signs.

I had no cash so I just paid with Paylah anyway, with him cussing me under his breath.

Wasn’t my first experience too, a barbershop (on separate occasions) wouldn’t let me use my vouchers even though they had the sticker, with the classic reason of “boss not around, cannot scan”

Is this whole CDC thing shortchanging merchants/hawkers?

Enlighten me please.

Here are what netizens think

• I don’t think it’s shortchanging per se. It’s just administratively tedious, I think. If I’m not wrong, they have to wait for the money from CDC vouchers to be disbursed to them vs the money going straight to their pocket if you pay using cash.
  
• I thought merchants could choose if they want to be included in this CDC scheme or not. I feel like if they don’t want to go through this administrative hassle, then why sign up?
  
• Boss wants it since it does increase business. Worker doesn’t because it’s troublesome. Or for the cynical take – they don’t get to “eat” the money if it goes through CDC/Paylah.
  
• Yes similar to how some boomer taxi drivers dont want you to pay by card as the money reaches them later. Encountered one recently but thankfully i had enough cash.
  
• Cash they can use right away to pay bills/salaries/suppliers. CDC voucher it might take awhile for it to be credited in their account. Thus the black face when you want to use your vouchers.
  
• I did a part time job last year where most of the employees are way older (than me at least)
  
  I’m guessing it might be the inconvenience of using the phone/other device to scan and from experience, for some reason, the cdc voucher sometimes takes really long to load/the app is buggy. But other than that it’s just mostly older people having problems using the technology.
  
  Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense as a lot of places use a POS system anyway. So really it might just be the aversion of technology.

Seeking advice on indirect neighbour harassment

Context

My next-door neighbour in a HDB estate is constantly verbally rude – though not directly.

Every time my family members walk by his door, or if he is in the common area tending to his plants, he will be staring at us and muttering hokkien expletives under his breath but loud enough for us to hear.

It is clearly directed at us because of how consistently it happens – we once confronted him before, and he said “I didn’t call you, but if you think you’re the f-kers then that’s your problem”

We try to ignore him and not make eye contact, but I’m worried because I have three young children and elderly parents, both of whom he also antagonises.

There is no way to avoid walking in front of his door unfortunately, due to the layout of the floor landing.

Is there any way I can deal with this through legal means? I also don’t want to escalate to police and then they say “sort it out yourselves”, which might make it even worse.

I plan to start phone recording to get evidence every time this happens, but not sure if it will have any use.

Appreciate any advice!

Here are what netizens think

• Police or any legal method (town council included) will likely tell you exactly what you don’t want to hear, which is to sort it out between yourselves or escalate to mediation which is basically the same thing with extra steps.
  
  It’s a civil matter and it isn’t a crime to “talk to own self only ma” as I’m sure he’ll say as an excuse.
  
  Is there any reason you can think of why he would be hostile towards your family?