I’m tired of being my sister’s nanny.

I’ve been watching my sister’s child for the last two years, my husband makes enough money that I don’t have to work and I can focus on our home and our family.

When my sister was pregnant I said I’d be open to watching the baby on occasion. Somehow “on occasion” went from date nights here and there, to 10 hour days two to three times a week. I admit that after two years I’ve let this get completely out of control and I should have said something sooner. But there is really no nice way to tell someone that I don’t want to watch their child for any reason other than I just don’t want to. I have so much anxiety over having to get up at 6:00 am to show up at their house to babysit that I literally can’t sleep so then I end up not sleeping at all and then watching the baby for 10 hours.

My sister is now talking about having a second baby and gushing every chance she gets about how appreciative she is for my help because of all the money I’m saving them and I just about had a panic attack when I realized not only does she expect this to continue for a significant amount of time, but she’s fully expecting me to watch a toddler and newborn and meanwhile I’ve been contemplating how I can get out of this situation without drama.

My husband works his ass off so that I can be home with our family, not so I can be a nanny for my sister. And to make matters worse, my sister just bought an extravagant new house which she probably did in part because she didn’t think she’d have to worry about childcare.

But I just don’t want to do it anymore. At all.

I love my niece. But I absolutely do not want to be her or anyone else’s nanny.

I would rather be spending time with my own child, or my pets, or shopping or improving my home or doing literally anything else.

My sister and her husband have a very different parenting style than I do, they’re very fussy. And they don’t even leave a carseat so I’m literally stranded there all day. If something happens with my own child I literally can’t leave at all. I feel trapped in this situation and I just want it to be over.

***I sent her a text, waiting on a reply, I was going to include a screenshot but it won’t let me for some reason.

“I just wanted to give you a heads up that after December I won’t be watching _ anymore in a childcare role. This way you guys have time to get other arrangements worked out. Nothing is wrong, I’m just shifting my focus to my household. I know you guys have appreciated my help. Thanks so much for being understanding and supporting me now.”

UPDATE

S- I’m quite taken aback by this, may I ask why?

OP- I just need to take a step back for my mental health.

S- This is just very out of the blue u didn’t say anything on the phone yesterday

OP- I wanted to say this yesterday but I didn’t because this subject has been a source of anxiety for me.

S -How so

OP – It is just difficult for me to simultaneously manage my household and yours. I can watch her until the end of dec but after that I can’t.

OP- I love you and her but I really can’t take care of two households I’m only one person, and I definitely can’t take care of another baby on top of that. It’s too much for me. Please understanding and don’t take it personally. I really don’t want to fight about this. This is just how it needs to be.

S- So u’ll watch her until the end of December and then I just have to drop her off with complete strangers. Got it.

She left me on read for 20 minutes before she sent that last text.

UPDATE

I told our Dad what happened and he apparently called her up and reamed her out on my behalf and she’s been quiet ever since.

My (25f) boyfriend (28m) doesn’t help around the house and I’m thinking of breaking up with him

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years, and living together for 2. He’s a messier person than I am, so I’ve always naturally ended up doing more, but recently (last 6 months) he has gotten way lazier when it comes to helping around the house.

About 6 months ago I offered to completely take over the cooking and shopping, if he paid for groceries, which he agreed to. I noticed after this he wouldn’t help at all with the dishes, so I said to him that I’d take over doing the dishes officially if he did all the washing, which was fine at first, but now he hasn’t done any washing in about a month.

I do the vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, just basically everything. I’ve tried talking to him about it, and it gets a little bit better for a day and goes straight back to how it was before.

He doesn’t handle confrontation well, so I’m struggling to find the best way to approach him. I don’t want to be doing this for the rest of my life, and I want to be with someone I could settle down with, so it’s getting to a point where I’m thinking of ending things. I love him a lot, everything else in our relationship is fantastic.

What can I say to him that doesn’t come across as accusatory? Is there hope here or should I cut my losses?

Selfish bride

Recently I went to two different wedding event and one make us bridesmaid felt quite bad during and after the event.

I am bridesmaid for two different weddings and here is the thing I want to ask for opinion..should bridesmaid follow bride rules and not be asked for any opinion?

First one was quite pleasant, brides asked for dates if we are going to do hen’s night, she is fine without.. If yes she don’t mind just a simple one at her place, also super kind to say she can make food and stuff. We bridesmaid really wanted to surprise her so we book a hotel and told her it was for my friend casual staycation and surprised her.. asked us for clothes style, top to even toe and let us chose what style we like but just follow her colour theme.

Second one was super meh(my brother’s wife)

Want a hen’s night on certain dates, and asked if we can take off or leave because they rest of the date she is occupied(understandable) but some of us just can’t make it due to work and she will be upset, saying “oh then it’s fine don’t need it then.”

Then coming to bridesmaid clothes she just asked for our sizes without asking if we will be comfy in the dress, turn out it’s an tube dress which 3 of the bridesmaid were super uncomfy in it and couldn’t voice out as we don’t want things to turn sour.. they were so uncomfy the whole day but fake a smile with it..

As sister-in-law I help to ask before she made the purchase if she could give us a few style to choose. She said that’s the only style she like and it just suit her overall theme..

May I know if it’s too much for us to expect her to ask for our opinion? Or she is the bride we should suck it up follow her way?