I cheated on my wife three years ago. She agreed to forgive me if we opened the marriage but now I live in agony every day

So basically my wife (39) found out that I (41) have been hooking up with a woman I met online who lived 2h away. When the woman visited we checked into a hotel. This went on for 3 months and we had met a handful of times when my wife caught us. she was waiting in the hotel lobby and saw us coming down from the room. She left me the next day.

We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). We started talking about getting back together. My wife thought that since our sexlife wasn’t enough for me, and that she was sure I will cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage. I told her no because I’ve learned my mistake but she wouldn’t waver. I relented. We decided(she did) not to tell each other the when, where and with whom.

Now, over two years later, we are back to normal on the outside. On the inside I’m dying a little each day. Every time I see her happy I wonder if this is just her old bubbly self or if she was thinking of someone. She is a very beautiful woman and I’m sure she has no problems finding men who want her. Whenever she takes a shower after coming home, whenever she rejects my advances I think that she has been with someone and that kills me. I have tried to discuss closing the marriage again but she shuts these attempts very quickly with the divorce card. Before all this happened we had amazing sex several times week but now, we have probably done it 4-5 times these past 3 years. She demands I use protection and she refuses to let me eat her or make her cum in any way. I stopped asking because the sex is painfully bad now. I haven’t slept with anybody else because the look on my wife’s face in that lobby still makes me sick with guilt.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Will she ever stop punishing me? Have you ever forgiven a cheating spouse and stopped punishing them? What’s going on in her head?

Offered a role from a bigger company, not sure to jump over

Im an associate in my current role for a year half, it’s a global MNC. I like my boss, and am given a lot of opportunities to work with regional teams, however my tasks are more suited for a person above me aka if I get promoted since I mainly work shoulder to shoulder with managers (way above my current role).

I was past on during the promotion cycle even though I was given an industry above average increment and a slight role change, most possibly because I’ve only been here for a year half and I would have to wait for next year.

I was offered a position by a bigger global MNC in a different industry, the company is well reputable and has a glassdoor rating of 4.1. This is for a regional role and it would be a promotion for me (senior). Pay wise we’re looking at a 20% jump. The only ambiguity is my manager and teammates.

Both office locations are in central. Both require to WFO. Insurance benefits are similar.

To note: There is no senior associate in my current company, the next role would be an assistant manager. So a 2 role jump if I stay for 1-2 years more, but if I’m past on again, it is a wasted opportunity for me.

I would consider myself a high performing and valued person by management in my team. Current manager did hint of promotion to AM in the coming years.

If you were me, what would you do?

[Admin hope you post this soon!] I started my job hunt after grad late this year to rest up and somehow I managed to land on two relatively attractive offer: (I wish I was humble bragging but I really am not. Do read through and let me know what you think!)

1. 90k PA, job scope that’s relatively boring and ded (imho) with a decent worklife balance (introduced by my friend) [relevant to my degree CS related. No its not in any of the big companies youre thinking about. Its not a 996 cs work job]

2. 70k PA, job scope similar to my childhood dream (a job where I get to travel frequently). Not relevant to my degree at all, not CS related. But a job I always romanticised about. Work life balance is not the best (Interviewer was upfront due to nature of job- calls and meetings across timezones)

In terms of prospect, both job have relatively good prospect [in-demand skills] but frankly, the first job probably more cause its a HIGH demand skill [cause CS bro. Yall chose the right course if you want some money]

Alot of my friends say just go for the first one. The 20k difference is a no brainer. 20k can bring me to multiple trips to difference places a year. And fact is. If I don’t like it there. Its probably easier to make the switch. And frankly. I don’t HATE the job. I’m more of neutral with it.

The 2nd job though is so much more relevant to my interest (think of it as a dream childhood job that ends up paying less than you thought it would). Always wanted to do travelling for a job. However, Its absolutely irrelevant to my field. And I may perhaps be romanticising the work as well since i was never in the industry (yet another reason why I have been cautioned to chose the first one instead. I may end up hating jt after a year and give up the lucrative first option). Traveling for work is very different from leisure. And once I enter this field, I will not touch CS at all (so if I stay too long here, it’s really goodbye to my cs degree LOL cause cant rmb jacksht)

Practically speaking, the first option just makes more sense… but the second option….is hard to come by. I’m supposed to respond by Monday for the 2nd option [the first option gave me 2 weeks to think about it whew. Great company honestly]. If only my dream job pays as much…….

But it doesn’t. So now I really don’t know what to choose. Prof Ben what would you advise? Fellow students, what would you do?

I’m a foreign PhD student at a research institute in Singapore (no classes, just private research). Scientists aren’t generally known for being a sociable bunch, but I have really tried to make friends with my Singaporean colleagues.

However, none of them are interested in spending any time with me outside of work, even lunch is a struggle (it probably doesn’t help that most are older than me). I feel quite isolated generally.

I’ve been here a year and through circumstances, the only people I have managed to accumulate as friends are a few other foreigners from various parts of the world, this was by no means a conscious decision and none are even from my home country.

Whenever I read complaints about annoying ang mo who don’t integrate, I feel like I am reading about me and that’s not who I want to be. I really want to make some more friends and spend more time with actual Singaporeans but I have no idea how. I’m sick of being sat alone in the corner of my local hawker feeling sorry for myself.

I am definitely not rich, my PhD is funded by the institute and I get a small stipend to live off that mostly goes on rent, so it’s not like I can do lots of activities on the weekends.

When I do go out, it seems that everybody is already with their clique and people really don’t seem to interact outside of it. I tried joining free exercise classes on Healthy 365 but there doesn’t seem to be any young people. So my question is this…

Where can I meet young (20’s / 30’s) Singaporeans on a budget?
Where should I be hanging out?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Part 1 is here.

Part 2 of the story

Life at the chicken shop isn’t always so gloomy and dark. In fact, life as a chicken rice shop worker was quite rosy in the past.

Chicken shop workers were given good free snacks and drinks during their shift. If they have to stay back to slaughter more chickens or whip some good chicken rice, a good variety of dinner options were available for all chicken rice workers. Damned, even the Farmhouse Dark Chocolate Milk was readily available to fuel the chicken shop workers. All these benefits were given to ensure that chicken rice experts can focus their time on creating better chicken rice! Because end of the day, opportunity cost for fat chicken rice workers to hunt for their food is just too high compared to feeding for free.

Even when the pandemic was roaring away, chicken rice workers were able to have work from decentralized kitchens without compromising on work productivity! Chicken rice workers were able to rear and slaughter chicken from their houses and finally send those chicken to other decentralized kitchen to cook them without compromising on the food quality! In fact, revenue from the chicken rice shop increases quarter to quarter when most chicken rice workers are working in decentralized chicken rice facilities.

These great benefits attracted chicken rice connoisseurs from far away lands. Aspiring chicken rice workers travel across the seas, braving strong waves and currents, to reach the legendary chicken rice shop. Some of them even brought along their dogs and wives. Others trained long and hard in random forests that are filled with red and black trees in order to gain the secret power to make great chicken rice. Making great chicken rice was the only goal in their lives.

Armed with a pool of chicken rice talents, the chicken rice shop started to expand rapidly across continents.. The bosses of the chicken rice shops even set up shops in countries where eating steaks is more popular than chicken rice. They felt that with a strong chicken rice dance and cheer, the chicken god will be appeased. The chicken god will cast a spell on the steak-eating people to start eating chicken rice.

To further support business expansion, teams were created to auto-translate chicken rice menus in different languages! Different chicken rice teams also started to spend lots of money in order to achieve business growth. One team even started to create artificial cloud to create magical rain in order to irrigate the rice fields that fed the chickens! If you think that these sounds lunatic, some teams are even create to combust cash to cook the chicken!

Alas, when top chicken rice investors started to pull out funds to invest in other more stable shops (such as the cai fan shop), some of the teams have to be removed to make the business leaner.

Together with their owners, dogs were sent back across the sea. Some of the chicken rice vocational institutes students were gotten offers to chop chickens were suddenly out of job. Shops in countries where eating steaks is more popular had to be closed down. Making artificial cloud that irrigate the field for the chicken is no longer a priority.

Snacks and drinks were cut down. Chicken rice shop workers have to go out to buy their own meals for the 1st time, causing confusion among the workers who are too used to getting fed automatically. Navigating the real world after years of fattening up was a challenge for most chicken rice workers.

A big shareholder of the chicken rice shop (who happen to be in the steel and forestry business) also ordered all their workers to gather back in the central facility to make chicken rice as it was deemed more efficient to have everyone communicating with one another.

All the pampered and self-entitled chicken rice shop workers were shocked at these measures. Many question were raised in the chicken rice quarterly town hall.

To be continued….

Part 1

I am a Singaporean, growing up so proud of the food we had here. I love the affordability of yummy dishes in our neighbourhoods and the amazing food options we always had,

however in recent times, over the past couple years to today, I noticed that food stalls are constantly changing around my area.

No doubt it’s the rent trap but the flavour of the food is also starting to become either too bland or too salty. I can’t remember the last time I had a good bowl of fish soup after the previous stall owner had to close down due to increasing rent.

The vegetables at fishball noodle stall also became more bitter or discolored looking. It’s just a disappointing realisation I guess, to see that it’s unable for food stalls to put out quality dishes with commitment anymore because of the rent and food import inflation.

Either that or ingredient portion is ridiculously small for an affordable bowl of say $4.50 noodles. I had wanton mee for $4-$4.50 at my neighbourhood coffeeshop with just 4 slices of thinly-sliced char siew.

This kopitiam concept has served such great influence feeding millions of Singaporeans everyday for generations but these days it seems like a lost dream.

Perhaps, it’s also because the first generation of truly amazing hawkers have retired and young people aren’t willing to learn anymore.

Can’t blame them though. Most stalls are owned by Chinese/Vietnamese foreigners nowadays and for them to learn our recipes properly is also too high of an expectation.

I can only dream about those lost days of actual good food culture now. If we fully lost our hawker/kopitiam cultural identity to feed the average Singaporean, what else have we got?

Dumb question, but can a Singaporean work as a construction worker?

I’m not talking your project manager of construction projects, but an actual construction worker alongside the foreign workers.

Like what if you really want to try construction work, operate cranes and stuff, can you?

I mean after all we have people who are passionate about driving buses, I figured maybe there be people inspired by Bob the builder and wants to operate cranes and stuff.

I know, pay is so low you say why would a Singaporean take it, but I was just curious if it’s possible.

Netizens’ comments

• Yes. Crane operators earn quite a bit tbh. But long shift
• Can la, why not. Few years back when I was at the shipyard, hearsay crane operators earn around $6-7k. I went for lunch with a coxswain ferrying workers in his boat, young malay chap didn’t even finish ITE, earning around $5k per month.
• There are a fair number of local Singaporeans working blue-collar roles in construction industry but not as construction workers. Construction industry encompass many roles and job scopes. Nearly all buildings require lots of wiring and electrical work to be done and there are a fair number of local Singaporeans working as electricians or technicians as on-site personnel. But mostly in 40s, and some nearing 50s.
• There is this uncle that worked on one of my project. Got him in to join an electric cable and sp paid him 1.5k for 2 hrs of work. During lunch when I spoke to him, he mention he takes about 6 such jobs daily. He already own a yacht and a landed at this pt with 5m in his bank. He only had a psle cert.

MIL keeps verbally stressing helper

I am living with my mil and we have a helper who has been with us for the past 2years 10 months…

she’s going back soon. I feel very guilty towards my helper. Though my mil did not abuse my helper physically but my mil is always nagging at her. I think it is causing me and my helper to have mental stress. Examples:

1) Saying she didn’t clean well, didn’t do this, doing things v slowly, cooking awful. On a daily basis.

2) mil don’t allow my helper to take food from the fridge without asking her. So my helper does not dare to take things to cook her own lunch.

3) mil is always getting instant noodles and chicken Franks for my helper. She can eat that 4 to 5 times a week. My mil is health conscious worried about getting cancer, she doesn’t even eat these processed food yet she give my helper eat such food all the time. I am really worried my helper will fall sick in future… she’s still so young and have a life ahead of her, I really don’t want to see her getting sick ..

My helper is already very tolerant. I really salute her for being able to keep her cool mostly despite her young age. She doesn’t argue back as she probably know is futile..mil won’t listen. She’s only in her early 20s.

For me, I have zero power in the family. I am also subject to my mil’s nagging and I feel v guilty and helpless for not being able to protect and help my helper.. I myself also can’t buy things to put in the fridge. I always have this constant guilt that I should be brave and stand up for myself and her but I am afraid that I will make things difficult for my husband. I find myself loserish and timid.

How do I tell my S/O that going through my search history without permission is an invasion of privacy. (20s) (2 Years)

My s/o was looking to order a gift for me for Christmas and went through my search history to confirm the item details.

They told me they did it after they came up short. But I still feel like it was an invasion of privacy that they did so without asking first.

I told them that it made me uncomfortable but they couldn’t see why. If they had asked me before, I probably would’ve said yes.

But now I’m concerned that my history is accessible whenever. I guess it feels like my thoughts are on display.

How do I articulate my discomfort without seeming like I have something to hide?

Netizens’ comments

• Who owns the computer and do you two live together
  • I do and yes
• 🤷‍♂️ clear your search history 🤷‍♂️

Improvement is hard, but we can do it.

Hey everyone, I 28F have been together with my boyfriend 30M for 1 year and I am very sure he’s the one. And I hope my post helps the people out there who are struggling like me.

However, recently we had a huge argument & took some time off each other. After that, we had a talk where we both agreed that I was being too controlling.

So for context – I get upset and angry if he keeps in contact with his female friends & goes out with them 1 on
1. It came to a point where everytime he tells me he is going out with a friend, I’ll always ask about the gender. Just all in all, if I have time or if he have time, I want him to spend it with me. I want him all to myself.

Before you guys bash me, I would like to say that I agree it is a toxic behavior as my partner has his own life. Hence, I’m working towards it.

I’m posting this because some days I struggle with improving myself and working on myself and some days I find it easy. I would like to say that – For couples that are struggling with this, be patient with one another. Change is not easy & it really takes time. Help one another out & talk it out. Take a break from each other to think through things if needed. Some days are harder than the others but as long as we are trying, it gets easier.

For people who are struggling with this issue or other relationship issues, I hope you can take a step back to question yourself why are you feeling the emotions you’re feeling? Is it because of a previous relationship? If so, I hope you learn to let go of it. Don’t be trap in your past. It’s not easy. I’ve been there & I’m still working on it.

Jiayou!