My Husband Died in Front of Me 2 Nights ago

He had a cardiac arrest in the car. I was taking him to the hospital. He thought it was food poisoning or a gallbladder issue. He was only 48.

His birthday is next week. We just got back from a beautiful trip overseas. I am so shattered and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do.

This pain is unbearable. I just want him to come through the door. I want to hug him so tight. We adored each other. I don’t know how to go on.

Netizens’ comments

• I’m sorry for your loss this sounds like a hard situation. I haven’t had anyone close to me die before so I couldn’t imagine. Make sure you take your time to grieve and remember it’s ok to feel your feelings.

Grief is just love in reality it hurts so much because you love that much, and that’s a beautiful thing. It’ll take some time until you feel alright again but eventually, you’ll feel better.

I hope you know your husband doesn’t want you to be sad for the rest of your life. Your emotions grow the more you give to them.

You can give to sadness for a bit because your husband just died. But a little bit more every day give happiness.

Remember the beautiful parts of life, remember what you have rather than don’t have.

Born and bred Singaporean here working a pretty decent job. I realised that many of the expat colleagues I know live a life that is quite different from what the local population experiences and many of my local friends do envy their carefree lifestyle.

I also realise that the reason many of my local friends are feeling so unhappy is because of the social pressure from their SOs, friends, parents, bosses and whatnot causing them to spend all their time worrying about money and status.

So I always wondered, given the fact that Singapore is quite a safe and fairly vibrant city and assuming one has a decent wage, is it possible for someone who is local to actually create that kind of life for themselves?

Can a local just tune out all the noise, rent a room, and then plan and go on activities just like as if he/she was posted to another city to work, just that instead of Chicago or Sydney the city is Singapore.

Forget about BTO, forget about social pressure, forget about ippt and reservist, oh wait the last one cannot.

Add On: Not referring to the super high level expats like presidents and ceos and talents of course with the insane packages, but the many who work white collar junior to mid level jobs like many of us.

Here are what netizens think:

• Yes, if you have money, a high flying job, a liberal outlook on life and a circle of friends who are the same.

• The main reason you think they live a rather carefree life is because these expats are exactly the demographic that would risk it all to move to a new city and start afresh. The ones that are unhappy and grumbling about life are back home (like most Singaporeans).

• Well, their mid level salary and benefits package already win locals by a mile for one. That plus having the same relaxed/wlb attitude they have back home, of course they are going to have it better. Why the hell would they come otherwise

Former Expat in Singapore shares his views

As a former expat that used to live in Singapore.

The biggest thing holding back any expat from living in their home country so carefree is precisely because there are societal pressures at home.

And in Singapore the pressure to live a certain way is in my opinion is much much stronger compared to other countries because Singapore is so small and everyone sees everyone so regularly.

So I would think it’s impossible unless you move out of Singapore. And funnily enough the Singaporean expats that I encountered in Europe and the US were way more open minded so i think the societal pressures at home play a big part

My wife had an affair many years ago.  We went through all the drama, stay or go, and worked things out as much as we could.  There were thousands of miles between us and extended time periods.  We had been married a few years and gone through a lot.

I’ve heard most of the details, including some of the physical details.  But I still feel like at times she hasn’t just “come clean” with everything all at once and apologized, though she has more than admitted fault.  The only reason it really bothers me is due to the fact that when interacting on random things, she seems to be up this time of her life quite often, and without realizing it is hurtful to me.  She was living in a place we never lived together, and the affair was with a colleague.  And she’ll bring up working there like it’s nothing. 

We now have a child and I don’t think I will ever tell the child, it’s just hurtful and something they don’t need to know.  And I know my wife doesn’t bring these things up with malice, it’s just a matter of where conversations go.

In the past, it seemed like we never really completely cleared the issue up.  Both of us were guilty of using it when we were angry or arguing, and we never just talked it all the way out.  At one point we did go to some marriage counselling, and when the subject came up my wife put up a wall quickly.  I’m not sure if there was more to the affair than I’ve been told, or if it’s just still embarrassing for her to others aware of it.  I’ve never told anyone else about it, never shamed her with her family, friends, etc.  

So really, I just want it all out so she understands the pain it causes when she brings up the “triggers” for me, in hopes that she will be more considerate about it.  I know enough to know it was an affair, that became physical, then they remained close until she came back to live with me again. 

But my main concern is how to approach it so she knows it’s all just to clear the air and end my “triggers” on the issue.  I’ll be honest, I don’t care if it was more in-depth, intimate, longer, etc than she claimed, I’ve already accepted that as a possibility.  Though she’s never said it out loud, I do think she was in love with the guy, and the physical relationship was very limited. I don’t think this makes her a terrible person, and she did confess when I asked.  She was talking about him quite a bit, to the extent that I honestly think she couldn’t just come out and say it until asked.  

So what would be the best way to approach this? 

I don’t want to upset her over the past, I just want to communicate that I don’t want her to upset me over the past.  I’d especially be interested in hearing from others that used the full confession of events to help them move forward.

It was a long time ago when I was staying over with my boyfriend at his close friend’s home in Bedok North. It was a three-room flat. This flat was shadowed by the trees even if it was in the morning. No sunshine can shine into the house, which I always found strange.

Whenever I am alone in the house and actually feel someone is looking at me from one corner. I use to play online games alone in the living room or the kitchen and my hair always stand. As I never encounter any scary incidents than just a feeling, I brush it away.

Then, one night when my boyfriend now husband was away for re-service. I was at home in my room and fall asleep around 12am after finish surfing the net.

I was woke up by continous loud knocks on my door as if the door will drop anytime. In my mind I thought it could be my husband’s friend that have urgent matter.

Without thinking, I open my door wide and step out of my room. But to my horror, the living room was pitch dark and no one was at home as the other bedroom door was open but there is no one.

I was damn scare and ran back to my room. Immediately call my husband and start crying asking him to come back. It was 3am in the morning.

I did not dare to step out of the room eve I heard noises outside and hide under my blanket until he came back at 6 am.

It was the only encounter and after that I dare not stay at the house alone ever again.