I just had an argument with a ‘feminist’ about why I shave my legs and armpits

I’m a young woman who suffers from sensory overload. The best way I can describe it is like having strobe lights being flashed into your eyes whilst being spun around and then being made to walk in a straight line.

It’s that kind of disorientating.

I know it’s not the same for everyone, but that’s my experience. I usually experience SO when there’s lots of noise, but every now and then when my arm and leg hair gets too long, I freak out.

It begins to hurt, first of all, and I get this thing about bugs being inside me. It freaks me out. It’s only happened a few times and I learned when to shave to avoid that feeling.

I recently got into an ‘argument’ with a roommate of mine who refuses to shave. I don’t give a shit, but they care about me and my habits. I was freshly shaven and in the communal area when this roommate comes in.

She looks at my legs and asks why I shave. I tell her I want to (I don’t like telling everyone about my SO unnecessarily). She then went on about ‘well you do it for men, no?’ and all of that.

After enduring a few minutes of this, I turned and said ‘if I don’t shave, I’d literally skin myself alive to get the imaginary bugs out of my skin. get lost.’

I’m so angry AND SHE CALLS HERSELF A FEMINIST.

Netizens’ comments

• Same for me!! my body hair drives me insane like when it rubs up against your pants! I shave for the same reason, i’d rather not be overstimulated or overwhelmed in my own body constantly!!

• Nothing to do with a feminist. She’s just full of hate imo. Hope you can change of roommate.

Also sorry to learn about SO and you suffering from it. Ofc carry on shaving if it helps!

• Some people just hide behind the word feminism to bully women and manipulate the narrative in a way you’re the one in the wrong for doing what’s best for you. They don’t even get what feminism is so don’t even bother with them.

For the past two weeks, I have been dating my ex behind my current husband’s back. Although dating, maybe too much said, we mostly meet to “have some fun”.

I love my husband very much, he is tender, kind to me, in bed he is also good. I split up with my ex a few years ago because we argued constantly, he yelled at me. 

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for two months. I don’t take birth control, we have stated that to make it last longer we will use the pull out method. 

However, I want the baby to be my ex’s… I don’t want him to raise it, but I want it to have his qualities, his confidence, his determination, his hardworking, his masculinity. I don’t want to pass on that “softness” of my current husband to the child.

So for the past two weeks, I have been visiting my ex and letting him finish inside me….He knows I’m off the pill but doesn’t care, so I guess it doesn’t matter to him.

I think my husband will be a great father, thanks to just his caring nature. That he would raise my child with me to be a wonderful human being. But I don’t want to hurt him so I’m afraid to talk to him. 

What should I do? Should I prepare to be a single mother? Or should I go back to my ex even though I don’t want to? Or, as I sometimes think, should I go see a psychiatrist?

Here are what netizens think:

• If what you’re saying is true, then I’d strongly encourage you to break up with both guys today and go see a psychiatrist…seriously, ASAP.  A baby is the last thing you need right now.

• The child isn’t even created yet, and I already fear for him/her. 

• The first thing I would do is come clean to your husband. The second thing you might want to do i brush up on your genetics. Many of those traits you like are learned, not inherited.

So yesterday my girlfriend casually asked me how I prefer hair down there to be groomed. She usually keeps hers short, but neat.

I assumed she was just looking to change things up and wanted my opinion so I answered honestly and said that I find completely shaven attractive, but in the grand scheme of things I couldn’t care less, it’s not a turn off if there’s hair, and that I like the way she has it now.

Well it turns out she had had a lecture today at college (she studies psychology) and the topic was on peadophiles. Apparently one of the talking points was that pedophiles are attracted to the lack of body hair.

When she told me this, I asked her “are you seriously calling me a pedophile because I find completely shaven attractive?!

Can I just point out that you’re 21 and not 12?” She basically skirted around my questions and then stormed out of my apartment when I kept pressing her on it. As she left she called me revolting and is now ignoring my calls and text messages.

Honestly not even sure where to go from here. We’ve never had any issues and was planning on proposing in the next year. Where has this even come from?!

Netizens’ comments

Hi, I also studied psychology and in my analysis of her behavior, it seems like she went into this looking to create conflict with you. 

So I recently moved to study overseas and recently found out my 16 year old sister did something that I’m pretty upset about. So my family had a party for me before I left and near the end I noticed that my Nintendo Switch and it’s games were gone.

I found it in my sister’s room and packed it and went to sleep to get ready to go to the airport. The flight and everything else went fine and while I was unpacking my stuff I noticed I couldn’t find my Nintendo Switch or any of its games. I was really confused as I distinctly remembered putting it in my suitcase. I called my Mom and she explained that my sister had taken the games and my Switch in the middle of the night and hid it so she could have them.

My Mom didn’t know until it was too late and took the game and her phone from her for a week as punishment. I am fuming. The Switch was given to me by a friend and all the games were either gifts or I paid for them and now my Mom thinks it’s completely ok to let my sister take something that is mine.

When I told her this she said I was being melodramatic and territorial and to let my sister have it. The next week my sister called me and was being a snotface about the whole thing saying stuff like “How does it feel to know you have to ask me to play games now? I’m going to sell it to buy vape”.

I told her that she is an entitled brat and told her “I’m not surprised you still don’t have a friend” My sister was shocked and hung up the phone. She has been having trouble making friends for a while now and told me I’m a jerk. I’ll admit I went too far but I don’t disagree with calling her out on doing that.

My sister has never done anything like this and my siblings and parents are telling me I’m a bad brother and telling me to apologize and let her keep it. I’m conflicted and need to know if I’m wrong because I feel bad and need to know if I’m the entitled brat.

My entire family isn’t letting me talk to her until I say it belongs to her.

So my parents recognized that she steal it but thinks that stealing is right for her just because she is under 18. I am really tempted to tell my mom that she is vaping.

Should I?

My girlfriend is being called “bao bei” at work.

Have you guys personally experienced this? She’s working as a PA part time and the colleague of her direct superior has jokingly called her baobei. Is this a sign of worse things to come? And is this acceptable at all from a girl’s POV?

For the non-chinese, baobei is the equivalent of babe in english.

He (the colleague) has also asked my gf to introduce girls of her age to the direct supervisor who is single (there is an 8 year age gap) and he (my gf’s direct supervisor) casually retorts that age is just a number.

Netizens’ comments

• It is cringy and borderline harassment if it is from a male supervisor. I would feel extremely uncomfortable.

• Imo this is kinda unprofessional? But it all comes down to whether your girlfriend is comfortable with it. Does her direct supervisor not say anything though? I would imagine that they don’t like that.

• That’s something can be reported to HR in my current company

• If you are not comfortable with it, you can tell your gf. If she is not comfortable with it too and she knows your stand on it, she can tell the supervisor. If he does not listen, escalate.

• Just laying down boundaries so that it it stops somewhere. You backing her up helps her to enforce those boundaries.

We’ve been together ~3 years and it has been incredible. We have told ourselves we want to spend the rest of our lives together and we’ve been living together for a year and a half.

For the past year though I’ve been questioning everything and especially for around 3 months I’ve been seriously unhappy and struggling to find enough reasons to stay with her.

The dilemma comes from the fact that the girl I knew when we met for the first time and for the first 2 years is not the same as what she’s been like for a while now. I’d happily spend my life and make an amazing family with that girl, wherever she went. The issues are basically:

– She studies law and stresses over it too much, while her classmates put in minimal effort and get higher grades

– She has no self-confidence despite my efforts to boost it DAILY. She thanks me, she appreciates what I do for her and say to her but she keeps on hating her looks and smarts (she’s a 10/10 hottie and way more intelligent than most people our age I know)

– A consequence of the above issue – she has barely any social media presence, posting twice a year, which in my opinion contributes to her having confidence issues and she won’t go out of her bubble

– She sees herself as her 15-year0old self, having been constantly ridiculed for being chubby and other reasons kids/teens make fun of others for. This makes it so that she puts every single interaction through that prism and can’t come to terms with the fact that she has become a wonderful woman in her 20s with her chubbiness!

– My “love language” is hugging, kissing, just 24/7 touching, while hers is gift-giving and acts of service so I don’t receive what I give out and she prefers small gifts to hugs and whatever and I suppose this is a big incompatibility

– Her libido went from high to almost nonexistent, while mine has consistently remained high as hell. I don’t make her get intimate when she doesn’t want it of course and I keep waiting for her to initiate because I’ve tried too many times and failed. I crave intimacy, yet she pushes even that away, despite me not wanting it to lead to “erhem” most of the time – I always want ample foreplay but we can’t even get to that point at all anymore

– She’s in a constant state of not knowing what the hell is happening around her, she’s very uncoordinated and this is true for conversations as well – despite her amazing sense of humor she gets too nervous and anxious when we’re with other people and she says stupid/banal stuff and can’t participate well in most flows of conversation at parties/etc.

A lot of these issues she says are due to the stress from university and I get that, but she barely studies throughout the semester and she crams 10-day 24/7 study sessions before exams in which she is in a nonstop crisis and then somehow her knowledge doesn’t get appreciated and she gets lower marks than her dumber colleagues.

I’ve communicated my issues and she says she hates that she’s like this, but she says I just need to wait until things get more calm in her life until she can be the confident, sunny, strong woman she was…. but in my opinion her life is TOO calm and she’s just using the university as an excuse.

Since her constant crises with whatever prevents us from living normal early-20s lives and I’m the only one who makes money in the relationship (she doesn’t work because of uni, although if she worked part-time or even full-time – she’d still have enough time for studying because she crams it in the evening anyway and does nothing all day)

I’m feeling unhappy, unloved, unfulfilled. I would never cheat, but I’ve been having these intrusive thoughts about girls who have what my GF is lacking in terms of confidence, freedom to do anything and LIVE life, healthy social life and etc.

I have reached the point where I am tempted, what should I do.

A netizen shared how he was feeling sick one morning and couldn’t go to school, and his mother thought that he was trying to chao keng.

Here is the story:

How did my mother manage to make me feel bad for being sick?

Woke up and pooped my intestines out, tried to just eat something and get on with it because I didn’t want to miss school.

Told my mother I wasn’t feeling well and she just said to take it easy after school, fine. I ate something small and threw up in my mouth, told my mom this wasn’t going to happen.

She got visibly annoyed and when I asked why she said it was because I get sick so often and I’m missing stuff. I almost had my shoes on ready to go before I knew it was just too bad, does she think I’m doing this on purpose?

Netizen comments

If you are experiencing these specific types of symptoms often, you need to see a doctor to find the cause. Perhaps it is a gastrointestinal issue?

Nah don’t listen to your mum about that, I had a friend who did what your mum was saying (chao keng) but if you seriously aren’t, don’t feel bad…

It happens