Me and this guy (35F and 23M) had been dating for almost a year now. I didn’t tell him that I had a 9 year old son at first, because I thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he’d feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn’t ready for.

He’s still really young, and I didn’t want him to think I’d expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. Of course I wasn’t going to keep this from him for much longer, I’d actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. I was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and I was able to coordinate the time I spend with him without it clashing with when I see my boyfriend. We usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over I try to hide all traces of my son, which I know seems very over the top but again, I was going to tell him when the time was right.

He ended up finding out when I had taken a nap on his couch and I left my phone on the coffee table.

He saw a text from my ex that asked if I could pick our son up from his grandparent’s house instead of him driving him to my place. He thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me.

I told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. He didn’t seem too happy that I had kept it from him. I told him I waited a bit to tell him because I didn’t want him to feel pressured, and that I was going to tell him soon anyway. I also don’t think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don’t know about each other.

Is it really that bad that I waited a bit before telling him about my son?

Here are what netizens think:

• She was so close to getting it right, it’s infuriating. If she had just had a conversation and told her boyfriend that she had a son but wasn’t looking for a dad, you’re not going to meet him for a long time, etc. everything would have been fine. Instead she lied.

• I can understand not introducing him to the kid until it’s serious but not telling him you have one?? Unless the kid was totally out of her life and there was some traumatic story involved there’s no excuse.

• 34 and 22 is a gross age gap no matter the gender make up.

Im 31 years old and it’s not getting 31 is not getting any younger for a woman.

I’ve been on 4 dates with a 33y.o who I met on online dating a month and a half ago. Yesterday I wasn’t expecting a Valentines Day related gift or to hear from him because we don’t text every day. So it was a pleasant surprise to get a picture of him and his parents’ dog (he spent the weekend out of town at their place) texted to me yesterday.

I responded “Aw cuties ” and then probably did something I shouldn’t have and am now cringing at. I sent a GIF of Homer telling Marge “happy Valentine’s Day” where they’re just at the kitchen table, nothing implying love, hearts or flowers and he never responded.

It’s been 24 hours and I feel silly. We’ve never really talked about what we are looking for but have expressed we are interested and want to see where this goes. Also, he’s moving to another country for his graduate program.

Wondering if this is the cue for me to let it go and move on. We have plans to see each other on Sunday which we made over the weekend and I don’t know if that’s even going to happen anymore. I’m prone to anxious attachment and maybe I’m just overthinking things. Advice for handling the anxiety that comes with the early stages of dating?

Does anyone else have any Valentine’s Day blunders with new dates? Just me?

Here are what netizens think:

• You say you have anxious attachment and there’s a pattern with these types I observed. When the person they are dating is doing something negative, for example not showing enough interest (in your case: not responding to a text), instead of “judging” them based on this negatively perceived behaviour (like “wow lame, no text back”), they always see that negative behaviour as NEUTRAL (justified, good) and instead they put the negativity on themselves (“I sent an embarrassing thing, I did a bad thing”).

• I feel like that GIF would have been fine even if you’d just started talking THAT DAY. I wouldn’t assume it freaked him out. If it did, to reiterate what other commenters have been saying, I think that’s waaaay more about his attachment stuff than it is yours.

• As someone who overthinks every thing (and spends days in a shame spin and embarrassment cycle after doing something dumb), I can honestly promise you that sending a Simpsons GIF is not a big deal. It’s funny and lightweight, and you weren’t professing your undying love for the dude. You were literally just wishing him a happy holiday. I sent valentines messages to tons on people in a platonic sense.

My married colleague 37y.o guy bought me lunch last Friday. We are on two different sub-teams in the same company but he offered to help me on a major project throughout the weekend- because of his assistance I would bring him snacks or energy drinks. He made a joke one day about I should buy him lunch and I agreed. Fast forward and we agree to a lunch date and he ended up buying me lunch instead, in addition to getting me a box of cookies on Valentine’s day. I offered again to buy him lunch since he paid when I should have and he agreed on next Tuesday.

We have a good banter, and sometimes it can teeter on flirtatious or even adult jokes but I always thought it was jokes. When we went out to lunch nearby the office, another colleague happened to be eating at the same restaurant and saw us. Then rumours started spreading immediately… I confronted the colleague who saw us and said it was none of his business what we do with our time off the clock (probably not the best phrasing at all) and to stop spreading rumours when he has no information about anything.

However, it made me wonder if I’m the one in the wrong for allowing flirtatious behaviour from a married man and allowing him to buy me lunch. He is married but I don’t think he is on good terms with his wife. I know he also has an 8-month-old son but from certain phrasing, he’s used it seems like he and his wife are separated and co-parenting although he hasn’t specifically said that.

Am I wrong to confront the rumour spreader?

Here are what netizens think:

• This reads like a fantasy of a 37yo man who is unhappy with his home life and daydreams about having an affair with his much younger friendly coworker.

• She is also young and probably feels flattered and like she is saving him, and it is flattering to have someone show you attention, especially if it is someone you admire. But hopefully she will realise this guy is a dick and she will pull her head out of her arse and will keep things professional from now on.

So to start with I’m from I just drop out of school, 24M this year and live alone in shared accommodation as I got kicked out of the house by my parents after an argument.

If you have been keeping an eye on news you will see that cost of living has just skyrocketed due to all sorts of factors and I know it will only get worse from here.

On a standard week, I will ideally work around part-time about 30 hours and rarely more as my employer cannot give me any more. After monthly rent and bills, I’m lucky to have just about enough to buy food each week. I have no savings due to these circumstances and I’m constantly on edge waiting for that surprise bill to ruin me.

So to cut a long story short I’m wondering if anyone has any advice on saving for me so I can build myself a safety net.

Here are what netizens think:

• Can you find a second job to fill in the other hours you’re not working?

• You’re only working 30 hours a week. Get a second job to boost your income.

• Better job is the preferred answer. It avoids having to juggle two schedules, which might be difficult with two part time jobs, that will likely want flexibility from you. Plus trying to get one with a better hourly wage would improve the situation on top of getting more hours.

• As others have said, earn more, spend less. Not sure what the market is like these days, I recommend investigating if getting some kind of course that will suit you. Some weekend shifts under the right boss etc.. or just looking for an actual career at the same income where some years under your belt will result in an expected increase on wages.

• Not for everyone but if you find yourself with free time you could try taking up some kind of secondary job. Don’t have to work for anybody, you could take up doing repairs and odd jobs or maybe just doing some creative tasks and selling what you create. Essentially doing whatever you can to build up some savings to fall back on.