The man I met was Mike (pale-looking, average build, dresses and speaks well). During my initial contact with him, red flags were popping all over. I later received a call from a friend who warned me of the proposed trip, and reference checked with another who had very strong words for him as well. These confirmed my suspicion that it was a scam.

Here are some red flags on how you can tell if someone is trying to pull a fast one on you, and how to not fall victim and cry later on.

1. Overcompensation. A amateur conman tends to make big promises in unconvincing ways, but a seasoned one will be more careful to push his message across. One thing to look out for is overcompensation to ‘look genuine’ and ‘appear trustworthy’. Apart from words and behaviors, look for what is unsaid (what he tries to hide) and what is cover up (through compensated micro expression and body language).

2. Who’s Paying. At the back of your mind, always ask who is paying when something sounds too good to be true. If you are not sure, most likely you’ll be the one ended up paying. Scams take advantage of the Law of Large Numbers to cover the cost of pulling it off. Take for example, for every one person scammed, the profit can cover for ten who didn’t buy into it (or can’t afford it). So scammers just need to have a 10% closing rate. Don’t become that carrot.

3. Incongruity. Always poke holes in the proposed scam. This is to test the premise if it really is too good to be true. If the cost is low and the return is high, it’s either a scam or the person failed math. If there is upfront cost on the condition of payout which breaks even after a length of time, it could be a strategy to buy time to rope in more scammers. Even if the scam doesn’t make you lose money, you might be used as a ‘portfolio’ for his future scam.

4. Generic Info. Scammers are afraid to be exposed via a simple search online. Therefore the choice of company or business names will be very generic and usually will return plenty of search results. Remember Data Register? For this case, ValuEd Services. Websites will also have little to no valuable information about their operations.

5. Do Reference Checks. Tell ten people about the proposed idea you heard. If majority of them say that it smells fishy, don’t be stubborn or tempted by greed and fear of losing out. But if ten people think that’s a good idea, they are either in it too or you need smarter friends.

6. Sacrifice Info to Gain Trust. Some scammers will even expose other scams in order to scam you (like what I’m doing now, except I’m not a scammer). Also, they will usually not admit they are scammers (oops). If in doubt, always walk away. If you can walk away from even a genuinely good deal, you’ll be harder to scam. It takes decent level of self-worthiness, non-neediness and self-sufficiency to do that. (But I’m not a scammer really).

Feel free to share and and keep your friends informed so no one will be scammed today.

PS: Mike has a business partner Edwin, who is slightly plump, more down-to-earth, typical of how engineers would look like in business shirts.

I asked her to show to show me how bad was the scald and she took off her bandage and showed me.

I told her in mandarin, “Let’s try this”, put my hand above her fingers without touching her and released the presence of God over her hand.

I asked her, “what do you feel?”

She said, “I feel something cooling. Like a cold wind on my hand.”

I continued to release God’s healing presence over her fingers and after a minute asked her how she felt again. This time, she said “I feel like there is stuff is being sucked out from my fingers.

Two days later, I visited her stall to buy porridge again and she said the blisters subsided that evening after I prayed for her and there was no pain.

She exclaimed, “I never knew you had such special power!” Then I shared with her how Jesus is the one with the special power.

I don’t have special power, I just have a special God. And in His heart, I am special and so are you!

https://www.facebook.com/lohpat/posts/10156701785561564?__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDX0RnCXjz-4a28YTjALCqe633K6C1QTSxtG1WaHG1cFREzF9TBJ6VEJ6pib-AykkGSH-naRc6gtA3Novo1wXXfu0wL7dwIlkCpMg4gl4CNzT1SiUu4V47S4CWkK8EWQ3u3nkV4oakqIQcxtRKeClSeBPlVjz_Xo5yQadZwwTVT_iEo9aMyjQ&__tn__=C-R

2. Buy a flat from HDB as a couple.
I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford private housing. But why should this privilege be denied to other gay people? We pay taxes like everyone.

3. Have a child (in my case, adopt one).
This is not a must for me. I’m just trying to help bring up a child whose parents were unable to. But if the authorities deem me unfit to be a parent, that’s not right, but it’s ok.

These are just three things that many Singaporeans aspire to. But I’m not given that choice. You may not think it’s a big deal for me, but that’s because you think of me as less deserving of these wonderful things in life. Less equal than my fellow Singaporeans.

Simply because I’m gay.

Btw, being homosexual is not my choice. If your sexual orientation weren’t your choice, why would you think that’s the case with me?

Fortunately, I don’t think I’ve ever been denied a job because I’m gay. But that’s because no one asks that question during a job interview – how is it relevant, right?

But once people at work know you’re gay, it’s a different story.

When I was a teacher, my principal sat me down in her office and asked for my assurance that I would not prey on my students. To my knowledge, she did not have that conversation with any other male teacher. Only me – the one who’s gay and out.

Some people have certain horrible ideas about who I am because they know I’m gay. That’s discrimination.

In my first year of teaching, I was given a D during appraisal and wasn’t informed about the bad grade, even though it’s mandatory that D-graders be counseled so that they may improve.

Year after year, even though I did well enough to get a performance bonus, I was, strangely, never promoted. When I asked my (new) principal why, she found out that I was given a D 3 years ago, and that’s why I could not be promoted.

I checked with my HOD, who said she never gave me a D. She checked with the (retired) principal, and he said he never gave me a D too. Till this day, I don’t know how I got that D. But I suspect it had to do with me being gay and out.

My vice-principal at that time (bless her soul), after she found out I was gay, delighted in starting her conversations with other staff like this – “Did you know that Mr Poh is gay?”, as if that information would ruin me.

I found out about this through my colleagues. That’s the thing about these haters – they would never say it to your face. But behind your back, they would cast aspersions and crack nasty jokes. But that’s ok – people could see for themselves what kind of teacher – and person – I was.

A colleague confessed that before he knew me, he had negative impressions about gay people. A student proclaimed in class, “Mr Poh, we know you’re gay but we still love you!” (I know right, why is there a ‘but’ in that sentence?)

I’m glad I was able to show my principal(s) and the people around me that gay people are far from what they thought we were.

But others were not so lucky. I have heard accounts of how teachers were sidelined, or had their careers cut short after they came out, like Otto Fong.

And so many gay people I’ve met are closeted, some at work, some with their families – ironically, the very people who should be giving them unconditional love.

Why do they hide? The fear of rejection is real. The shame, even though it’s totally unnecessary, is real. People have been cast out of families, bullied to the point of suicide, made to feel ashamed about who they are.

In fact, the first – and only – thing I learned in school about being gay, is that gay sex is illegal under Section 377A.

Online, the abuse rages, with people calling us perverts and ‘worse than animals’.

The hatred is real. But as I grow as a person, it ceases to bother me. Now, I almost feel sorry for those who harbour such hatred. Because the burden of hate is theirs, not mine. Hatred eats into the soul of the hater, even more than their hateful words can hurt.

You cannot fight hate with more hate. You kill darkness with light. When you look at others who are different, consciously remind yourself that you are more alike than different. Like you, we are just trying to live our lives the best we can. We all want to love and be loved, and be treated equally and with respect.