In my husband’s will there is a letter addressed to his mistress
Me (45) and my husband (42) had been married for 16 years. Not the best marriage. I worked day shift while he worked night shifts.
He cheated on me 2 times, but I always forgave him because it was in both cases a single encounter and when I found out snooping through his phone the text had stopped weeks before. (He had the habit to not delete any chat).
I wasn’t really active in the last year of our marriage cause I wanted kids before but he didn’t, stating that he still wanted to live child free and have fun without the responsibilities that comes with a child.
After I turned 39, my doctor confirmed that I couldn’t have children anymore, so I reduce our intimate life to one time every two months.
Four years ago, he cheated on me for the third time, but this time it was different. He met this girl extremely younger than him (she was almost 19 at the time, he was 38) whom I’ll call Lana (fake name).
They have been together for one year, when Lana realized that he was lying and the number he constantly received calls from wasn’t actually his sister like he said but was me, his wife.
So she memorized my number and one day she called me and told me what was going between them two. We also met one week after and she showed me all the text between them as proof, stating that she didn’t know he was married and that she had immediately cut contacts with him.
Those messages were particularly hurtful to read, because unlike those with the other two women, this wasn’t only physical but strongly emotional too.
He kept telling her how much he loved her, kept telling her that there was a ring coming for her and the most devastating, apparently he tried multiple times to get her pregnant but she didn’t want to be mum at 19.
After I confronted my husband with all the proofs, he broke down and admitted the affair, but unlike the other two where he cried and begged, this time he seemed way less remorseful.
I told him that I was willing to forgive him again but this time we had to do couple counseling. Two days after suddenly looks at me and tells me that he loves me, but loves her more and wants to separate and try to get her back since she had cut him out.
At that point I let all out and said many bad things to him and lay on the floor crying and screaming, in disbelief, asking myself how could I have wasted all these years and telling him I should have left him the first time I found out about his affair.
Angry as I was, I called my family and told them everything. Word spread quickly, as the next day he received a call from his family that made him come back to his senses.
He came clean, apologized with me and agreed to couple counseling. The next year seemed to go better, especially our intimate life. But I could still sense he wasn’t fully happy even though he told me the opposite.
One year and a half ago he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I’m not gonna spare all the details, but this has been the worst year of my life. Seeing him this weak and sick had me crushed. He died one month ago and I’m devastated.
Last week there was a meeting to discuss his will. He left me and his sisters everything. Then the lawyer pulled out a letter titled “to the love of my life”, so I ask to handle it to me as I guessed it was directed to me.
But instead they told me that the letter was directed to Lana. My heart sank, I left the room and went to cry like a baby. After 10 minutes I composed myself and got back into the room.
I asked to give it to me so that I could call her and give It to her myself but, my husband had specifically request to organize a meeting with Lana to make sure she received the letter since he was sure that if I was the one who had to contact and give her the letter, she would have never received it (and he was right).
I don’t know what to do. I would like to ask to be present but at the same time I know that whatever is in that letter will hurt me deeply and right now I’m already devastated.